Rising temperature

[Allan at Wallan]

A big shot woodturner had to spend a couple of days in hospital
and was a real pain to the nursing staff.

The nurse in charge came in and announced, "I have to take
your temperature"

After complaining for several minutes he relented and opened
his mouth. The nurse said, "Sorry, for this reading it has to
be a rectal one".

After inserting the thermometer she left him on the bed,
stomach down, and said, "Now you stay just like that until
I return. She left the door open as she went.

He cursed under his breath as he heard visitors and staff
walk past his doorway and laughing. After half an hour
the doctor arrived and asked, 'What's going on here?".

The man replied, "What's the matter doc, haven't you ever
seen someone having their temperature taken?"

The doctor replied, "Yes, but not with a daffodil".


Allan

[A Duke]

There was a man from Australia
Who painted his a**s like a dahlia
The design was all-right
The colour quite bright
But the scent was a hell of a failure.