WHY MEN GO TO BUNNINGS - the truth at last.

[beer is good]

A man's age & Bunnings

Man's age as determined by a trip to Bunnings.


You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house --.
Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.

You have your old work clothes on.
You know the outfit - shorts with the hole in the crotch,
old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what
and an old pair of old tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you
realize you need to run to Bunnings to get something to help complete the job.


Depending on your age you might do the following:


In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your
teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.
Check yourself in the mirror and flex.
Add a dab of your favourite cologne, because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in
the checkout lane.
And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much
else.
Wash your hands and comb your hair.
Check yourself in the mirror.
Still got it..
Add a shot of your favourite cologne to cover the smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.


In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the
hole in the crotch of your shorts.
Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.
Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a
trip to Bunnings.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.
Change shoes because you don't want to get dog crap in your new sports car.
Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from Gold Coast's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got
Worms.'

In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.
Hose the dog crap off your shoes.
The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's.
You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so
you are not sure.


In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing.
Wait to go to Bunnings until the Chemist has your prescriptions ready, too.
Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes.
The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are
hanging out the hole in your crotch.


In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing.
Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember you need to go to Bunnings. Go to K-Mart instead and wander around
trying to think what it is you are looking for.
Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name.
You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.


In your 90's & beyond:
What's a bundings ? Something for my garden?
Where am I? Who am I?
Why am I reading this?
Did I send it? Did you?
Who farted?

[Mr Brush]

Excellent stuff....

Thanks for posting

[tea lady]

Someone should really buy you a new pair of shorts.

I love the bit where your bottle of cologne is nearly empty. A man only has one bottle per life time.

[two40]

Haha classic. Thanks for sharing. )

[Mulgabill]

Sadly I can relate to it but I'm in the age bracket that I cannot remember 20 years ago at the moment, however I am assured that this will change.

[BobL]

Reminds me of one time I was at bunnings in the home wares section looking at storage boxes and felt the urge to let one go. I was in my greasy T-shirt with the hole in middle front made when an angle grinder set the shirt on fire, paint spotted footy shorts and thongs. The place was very quiet hardly anyone around and no one in my aisle so I let it go. Unfortunately It came out a bit louder and smellier than I thought it would and no cologne would have helpe that one. A second later there was a sound from an adjacent aisle and a young female assistant peered through a gap in the merchandise and asked if she could help me. Then her nose wrinkled indicating the pong had wafted her way and the guilty look on my face must have said it all.

[A Duke]

You forgot the cheap wallet for the windscreen washing chicks. (All ages can live in hope.)
Regards

[Pac man]

Reminds me of one time I was at bunnings in the home wares section looking at storage boxes and felt the urge to let one go. I was in my greasy T-shirt with the hole in middle front made when an angle grinder set the shirt on fire, paint spotted footy shorts and thongs. The place was very quiet hardly anyone around and no one in my aisle so I let it go. Unfortunately It came out a bit louder and smellier than I thought it would and no cologne would have helpe that one. A second later there was a sound from an adjacent aisle and a young female assistant peered through a gap in the merchandise and asked if she could help me. Then her nose wrinkled indicating the pong had wafted her way and the guilty look on my face must have said it all.

If they insist on having the charity BBQs with onions ...

[BobL]

If they insist on having the charity BBQs with onions ...

yeah those cheap sausages are prime wind generators.

Speaking of sausages and hardware shops, the hot dog stands outside some Canadian and US hardware store make our bunnings sausage sizzles look pretty lame.
At one canadian store the hotdog stand had 2 kinds of boiled hot dawgs and 4 kinds of grilled dawgs. Yes one was the ubiquitous tasteless limp red lipstick served in a mushy white roll but at least three of the others I tried were genuine Cherman Wurst style sausage ie they tasted of something, and there was also a range of reasonable bread rolls available. The smoked Kransky was a passable copy of several I had recently in Koln. Not only that, but the sauces / toppings includes a range of chopped chilli/onion/pickle and cherman style mustards. Yes they cost a bit more but they were also worth the money.

[chambezio]

Bob,
I found it interesting that you wrote "Chermon". When I have spoken to Germans here they pronounce it "Chermony".
Discovery Channel had a program on what the top baseball stadiums had in their eating departments. Very interesting and made one want to go over just to try some of their quisene. They have made a humble dog in a bread roll an art form. Probably not good foe sagging bellies but would taste pretty good.
How are you enjoying your holiday/pre-retirement break? Has the wife given you a list to keep you amused?

[damian]

Except I had the 50's behaviour when I was in my 20's and that was a long long time ago.....

[AlexS]

No barbecue, but I went to the Japanese equivalent of a Bunnings (much smaller and pretty rare) and out the front it had a beer machine. Now there's an idea that's worth copying!

[whitey56]

How did you know i had a chemist next to my bunnings

[BobL]

Bob,
I found it interesting that you wrote "Chermon". When I have spoken to Germans here they pronounce it "Chermony".

Ja - is goot!

Discovery Channel had a program on what the top baseball stadiums had in their eating departments. Very interesting and made one want to go over just to try some of their quisene. They have made a humble dog in a bread roll an art form. Probably not good foe sagging bellies but would taste pretty good.

I only went to a couple of ball games but they only had boiled lipstick dogs and runny yellow mustard.

How are you enjoying your holiday/pre-retirement break? Has the wife given you a list to keep you amused?

Not quite at the break yet - another week to go. No actual TODO list yet but I can hear her mind turning from here.