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Thread: Shopping can be fun!
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12th August 2011, 09:36 PM #1
Shopping can be fun!
Recently my other half (currently in Canada) sent this email to - of all people - my mother.
Oh Lord, Whatever you do, Don't send this to Andrew!
The last thing that man needs is more ideas. I already see this in my not so distant future as is. (laughing) My only hope is to be in the next clothing rack going "No! Not him! He makes your ass look huge. PICK ME!"
Begin forwarded message:
What a retired husband does. Had a good trip,saw lots.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women -- she loves to browse.
Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
---8<---
Dear Mrs. #######,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. #######, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
- June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
- July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
- July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
- July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
- August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
- August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
- August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
- August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
- September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
- September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
- October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
- October 6: In the Auto Department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
- October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
- October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least: - October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
If you don't send this to 12 of your best friends, your property taxes will go up, your stocks will go down, and your middle will spread. (How's that for a curse?!?)
What? It's already come true? Then send it anyway-- You've got nothin' to lose!
---8<---
- Andy Mc
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12th August 2011, 11:12 PM #2
Mate, tell Ann I had a great laugh. I like her, she's funny.
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13th August 2011, 09:54 AM #3
GOLD MEMBER
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I'm being dragged along today, might try no. 15.
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13th August 2011, 10:03 AM #4
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I never get dragged off to the shops any more, the LOML says it's not worth the worry, some good ideas there if that ever changes.
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13th August 2011, 11:07 AM #5
So cool thanks Andy.
Must remember some of those ideas when getting dragged around.Jim Carroll
One Good Turn Deserves Another. CWS, Vicmarc, Robert Sorby, Woodcut, Tormek, Woodfast
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20th September 2011, 08:58 AM #6
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- Sep 2011
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I am daily planing for the online shopping and other seduces for also. First make a shopping list, than after find the money source, than after decide which place is better for the shopping
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22nd October 2011, 01:15 PM #7rrich Guest
This really irritated SWMBO.
SWMBO: Let's go look at furniture. We need a new couch for the living room. And no, you can't build it as I'm having my group over in three weeks.
(Group = Hen Party)
Me: Do you know what you want?
SWMBO: Yes.
Me: Let's just go there and buy the couch.
All the way to the store and all the way back SWMBO didn't say a word.
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