Golfisms

[fenderbelly]

*The Gospel According to St. Titleist*

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk.
~ Grantland Rice

2 Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.
~ John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf.
~ Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
~Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that.
~ Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.
~ Sam Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.
~ William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
~ Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.
~ Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
~ Bishop Sheen

11. I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.
~ Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons.
~ Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
~ Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great, but having a terrible time getting out of them!
~ Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf.
~ Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
~ Jack Lemmon

17. Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
~ Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
~ Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them.
~ Raymond Willis

20. May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters or small round sandy regions.
~ Ben Hogan

21. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
~ All Us Hackers

22 The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.
~ George Deukmejian

AND FINALLY................

23. Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~ Lee Trevino

[Ozkaban]

Any I don't even play golf

[NCArcher]

Golf is an ineffectual attempt to direct an uncontrollable sphere into an innaccessible hole with instruments ill adapted to the purpose.
~ Me after my last attempt at the stupid game. (I have a full set of clubs for sale by the way)

**actually that was written on a plaque hanging from my golf bag. I didn't make it up. Nice list of quotes though Fender

[bookend]

A mate came up with the best definition of golf I've ever heard and even the local golf pro's agree.

A good walk ruined.

[Allan at Wallan]

Good one Fred

I can identify with many of those unfortunately.

Allan

[rotten_66]

A mate came up with the best definition of golf I've ever heard and even the local golf pro's agree.

A good walk ruined.

Mark Twain spouted that way back in the late 1800's.

So your mate can't claim it as his own if he did.

[Tubatoad]

I can't find this quote anywhere, but in my youth heard it attributed to Winston Churchill: "In Golf you attempt to hit a small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly unsuited to the task."

Pretty sure I got at least some of that right - can anyone correct it?

Pete

[BEKKY]

[23. Remember Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
~ Lee Trevino

Music comes out of bagpipes??????