If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
( Hardly seems worth it )

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it )

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig )

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(I'm still not over the pig)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
( Creepy! )

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....." )

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
( I still want to be a pig in my next life.Quality over quantity. )

Butterflies taste their own feet.
(Something I always wanted to know. )

Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing.... )

A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too. )

Polar bears are left-handed.
(Who knew...? Who cares! )

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about the pig?)

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the
sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the
door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior and
the spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and
eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.