NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

[DonN]

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the
> USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
> notice of the revocation of your independence,
> effective today.
>
>
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
> monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and
> other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
> Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
> for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware
> that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a
> minister for America without the need for further elections.
> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
> questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
> whether any of you noticed.
>
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency,
> the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
> Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide.
> You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
> pronouncing it.
> Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable
> levels. Look up "vocabulary".
> Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler
> noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable
> and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
>
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
> Microsoft know on your behalf.
>
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
> Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
>
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
> actors as the good guys.
>
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God
> Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
> We would not want you to get confused and give up half
> way through.
>
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is
> only one kind of football. What you refer to as American
> "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who
> are aware that there is a world outside your borders may
> have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
> You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
> play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played
> with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave
> enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is
> similar to American "football", >but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
> wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are
> hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
> by 2005.
>
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using
> nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85%
> of you who were not aware that there is a world outside
> your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
> have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
> "sh*t".
>
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th
> will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be
> called "Indecisive Day".
>
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and
> it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you
> will understand what we mean.
>
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>

[Iain]

Now Don, are you brave enough to put that on a US forum, I will be watching with interest.

[RETIRED]

Gooday.

Most of 'em wouldn't understand it.

If only it were true maybe then we would have level playing fields for all countries and not where just one country dictates the economies of everybody else.

I apologise to our American visitors.

Just venting my spleen.

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Ian () Robertson
"We do good turns every day"

[DonN]

Ian

It was sent to me by a friend in America. He states the number of jokes about the election would fill a volume of books.
DonN

[Iain]

The three US presidents;
Washington-could not tell a lie
Nixon-could not tell the truth
Reagan-could not tell the difference

[John Saxton]

Four if you count the with the cigars

[gazaly]

Monica for president!!!!!!

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Bring on the Triton Router!