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  1. #1
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    Default Terror Threats in 2011

    Terror Threats in 2011 Europe,?
    by John Cleese

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

    Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s Get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory paralyzing the country’s military capability.

    The Italians have increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

    The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    The Australians, meanwhile, have raised their security level from “No Worries” to “She’ll be Alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
    IAMNOWHERE
    My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

  2. #2
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    Default

    Brilliant! Ah, I love John Cleese.

  3. #3
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    Default

    Michael

    Wood Butcher

  4. #4
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    Because there are now appreciation levels for forum humour contained in woodies jokes
    I'll rate this as a good. It might have got a v good but I'd heard a little bit of it before, sometime, previously arh whenever.
    regards
    Nick
    veni, vidi,
    tornavi
    Without wood it's just ...

  5. #5
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    Default

    Typical vintage Clesse humour. V funny.

    Regards
    Paul
    Bushmiller;

    "Power tends to corrupt. Absolute power corrupts, absolutely!"

  6. #6
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    Default

    Good one Mate.



    Jeff

  7. #7
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    Default

    I'd rate it a coffee spitter.....
    I'm just a startled bunny in the headlights of life. L.J. Young.
    We live in a free country. We have freedom of choice. You can choose to agree with me, or you can choose to be wrong.
    Wait! No one told you your government was a sitcom?

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