Puns and not-puns

[wheelinround]

Puns and not-puns

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.



A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.



Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.



Practice safe eating - always use condiments.



Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.



A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.



A hangover is the wrath of grapes.



Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.



Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?



Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.



Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.



When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.



A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.



What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)



Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.



She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.



A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.



If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed



With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.



The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.



You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.



Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.



Every calendar's days are numbered.



A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.



A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.



He had a photographic memory that was never developed.



A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.



Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.



Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.



Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.



Acupuncture is a jab well done.

[labr@]

And now for the standard reply..............

People who make puns should be drawn and quoted!

[Rum Pig]

Better not let SWMBO read the 5th one

[snowyskiesau]

Any further postings like this and your forum membership will be revoked!

[wheelinround]

Better not let SWMBO read the 5th one

Now you know why the dinner invite

[wheelinround]

Any further postings like this and your forum membership will be revoked!