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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Blackburn, Vic
    Age
    57
    Posts
    424

    Default Modern Nursey Rhymes - Warning, a bit rude

    Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides,
    and every where that Mary walked the boys could see her thighs.
    Mary had another skirt twas split right up the front, ...but she didn't wear that one very often.

    Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, her clothes all tattered and torn.
    It wasn't the spider that crept beside her, but Little Boy Blue and his horn.

    Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair.
    Said Simple Simon to the pieman, "What have you got there?"
    Said the pieman unto Simon, "Pies, you d**khead."

    Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
    All the kings horses and all the kings men
    Said, "F--- him, he's only an egg.

    Mary had a little lamb. It ran into a pylon.
    10,000 volts went up its ass and turned its wool to nylon

    Georgie Porgy pudding 'n pie, kissed the girls and made them cry.
    When the boys came out to play, he kissed them too, 'cause he was gay.

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hanky panky.
    Silly Jill forgot her pill and now, there's little Frankie.
    They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They're not laughing now.
    Bob Monkhouse

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    Pakenham, outer Melb SE suburb, Vic
    Age
    55
    Posts
    549

    Default

    Simon, LMAO. !!!!


    Cheers...........Sean, "so I got that goin' for me..." Carl Spackler, Caddyshack


    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 1999
    Location
    Grovedale (Geelong) Victoria
    Age
    75
    Posts
    9,665

    Default

    Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
    To get her poor daughter a dress.
    When she got there the cupboard was bare
    And so was her daughter I guess.

    Mary Mary quite contrary
    How does your garden grow
    With silver bells and cockle shells
    And lots of bloody weeds

    Jack be nimble Jack be quick
    Jack jump over the candle stick
    Great balls of fire.

    Mary had a little lamb
    It's fleece was white as snow
    And every where that Mary went
    She stood in sheep poop.

    Jack n Jill went up the hill
    To fetch a pail of water
    Jill forgot to take the pill
    And now they've got a daughter

    Little miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
    Eating her curds n whey
    Along came a spider and sat down beside her
    And Mary said rack off hairylegs

    There's more but they get a little bit too over the top.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    0

    Default

    There was a young woman from Bude
    Who went for a swim in the lake.
    A man in a punt shoved his pole in her side
    And yelled "Oi! You can't swim here it's too bloody dangerous!"
    .
    I know you believe you understand what you think I wrote, but I'm not sure you realize that what you just read is not what I meant.


    Regards, Woodwould.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Minbun, FNQ, Australia
    Age
    66
    Posts
    1

    Default

    Most of these did a round once before & the thread got locked.
    https://www.woodworkforums.com/showthread.php?t=16734
    Cliff.
    If you find a post of mine that is missing a pic that you'd like to see, let me know & I'll see if I can find a copy.

  6. #6
    rrich Guest

    Default

    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    Each had a dollar and quarter
    Jill came down the hill with two and a quarter
    It's obvious they didn't go up for water

  7. #7
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Pretty Sally Hill, Wallan Vic
    Age
    85
    Posts
    0

    Default

    There was a young man, his surname was Rees,
    He walked into a puddle which came up to his ankles.

    Well, if the water was a bit deeper it would have made
    a nice poem. (And a clean one at that)

    Allan
    Life is short ... smile while you still have teeth.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Perth West Aust
    Posts
    19

    Default

    mary had a litle lamb
    her father shot it dead
    now mary takes the lamb to school
    between two slices of bread
    I tried to be normal once.
    Worst 2 minutes of my life.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    melbourne
    Age
    68
    Posts
    0

    Default

    Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard
    To get her poor dog some bread.
    When she bent over rover took over
    and put in a clean line instead


    EDITED POST

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Avoca Victoria
    Age
    81
    Posts
    7,790

    Default

    An Admin was slowly perusing
    Some posts he found slightly amusing
    Others Instead went over his head
    'cos decorum the forum was losing


    Keep it clean please.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cranbourne West
    Age
    72
    Posts
    0

    Default

    'Twas on the good ship Venus
    .......... Cant' use that one.


    There was a young man fron Nantucket
    ...........Can't use that one either.


    Sorry I've got nothing for this thread .
    To grow old is inevitable.... To grow up is optional

    Confidence, the feeling you have before you fully understand the situation.

    What could possibly go wrong.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun 1999
    Location
    Westleigh, Sydney
    Age
    78
    Posts
    1,332

    Default

    There was an old man from Nantucket
    Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
    His daughter named Nan
    Ran off with a man,
    And as for the bucket - Nan tucket.
    Visit my website
    Website
    Facebook

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Bottom of the leg
    Age
    82
    Posts
    366

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by watson View Post
    An Admin was slowly perusing
    Some posts he found slightly amusing
    Others Instead went over his head
    'cos decorum the forum was losing


    Keep it clean please.

    Good one Noel
    Cheers Fred



    The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with the light on.
    http://www.redbubble.com/people/fredsmi ... t_creative"

    Updated 26 April 2010
    http://sites.google.com/site/pomfred/

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