Anyone had to explain dying pet to little one?

[Shannon]

Hey there woodfolk,

Unfortunately my old pal of a Staffy is getting on in age and is now almost completely blind and deaf. This is not making for a great end to his life - running into doors and windows, falling up and down steps etc.

I think the time will be soon upon me where I will need to make a decision about his quality of life.

There is however a bit of a snag with this (apart from the obvious death in the family snag). We have a lovely 3 year old daughter who has known Link all of her life and has never had to deal with this sort of situation before (nor have we, my wife and I were both at least 5 years her senior before we lost a pet)
I was wondering if anyone out there has had to deal with a similar situation. We would like to be fairly up front about it. My wife was once told that her dog ran away instead of the truth and that is pretty uncool I reckon. But at the same time I think that 3 years of age is a bit too young to completely lose her innocence about death.

Would be pleased to here of anyones stories of how they dealt with this sort of thing when explaining to a young child. What they did, what they now wish they had done etc.

Cheers guys.

Shannon.

[gazaly]

Don't lie to kids, of any age. They are far smarter WRT these things than we give them credit for.

Explain it carefully, in words understandable to your young girl, but truthfully. She'll be sad of course, probably cry, but will understand. So often, the unknown is the scary part.

Just my thoughts, best of luck!

[DavidG]

Explain that death is part of life as best you can.
Hold a ceremony of sorts to give her a form of closure.

Do not lie as it will always come round to bite you.

[Daddles]

Been there, done that. It's ****.

She'll know that the dog is sick. She'll also know if the dog isn't happy. It's hard, but be honest, all the way down to 'we took Link to the vet to be put to sleep'. Inevitably, she'll ask if the dog will wake up, so you tell her the dog died. 'Put to sleep' is the only euphamism I'd use and if you can avoid using it, do so, but it's hard to come out and say the vet killed her pet.

Honesty is always the best policy with kids. You do have to moderate the images and language to suit the child and you can't plan it because they won't ask the right questions. Being honest doesn't mean you have to be callous, but be warned, she'll go straight to the core of the discussion, so you'd better be ready (it's okay for Mums and Dads to cry about a lost pet).

Richard

[Driver]

Shannon

You've had a lot of excellent advice here from blokes who have obviously had to handle this situation. I completely endorse what they have told you. My young bloke was three years old and my daughter was six when we had a cat die. The only way was to tell them the truth. Kids are remarkably perceptive. They were upset - of course - but we couldn't find any euphemisms that would lessen the loss of their friend. Both of them are now in their 20s but they still remember their moggy - and their memories are pleasant, not morbid.

A little ceremony will certainly help.

[maglite]

If you get some ideas, let me know.

I hope that your 3 year old has an easier time of it than this 37 year old, i need something to tell myself and the deed hasnt been done yet.

That final trip to the vets is gonna be the longest, slowest drive of my life.

[Shannon]

Thanks all for your thoughts so far,

I agree that honesty is the best policy.

The hitch that we have is that our muttly does not look sick or seem sick to her, he still does most of the things he has always done with her - except now he doesn't come to her when she calls and he is a bit funnier because he runs into things.

We will have a ceremony, and our vet does home visits. His and her last memories will not be at a vet. Still going to be hard though as with all 3 year olds, what she understands today in knowing that Link will not be here tomorrow, probably will not apply tomorrow morning when she wakes up and expects to see him on his bed.
Hopefully this will not have to happen before we can do some premilinary talking with our little one - and maybe he will pick up a bit and adapt to his disabilities - but we shall see......

[johnc]

We have had the home funerals and everything that went with it, like all the other posts kids are very good at adapting to change and the truth is the only way to go. The last was the easiest with the kids older, we all went to the vets, the dog had a good piece of steak for his last meal. The agreement was that no hole was to be dug until we got home, and the remaining mut checked out his pal lying in a blanket while we ran a deepish hole. There is now a rock with the dogs name on it to mark the spot. I really believe death is part of life and we should not shelter them from it, growing up to accept it as a consequence of living is in away reassuring. It's the unknown or the hidden that scares us at any age, and in some ways the honesty and openess of a toddler can be quite amazing, let her have part of the planning process would be my tip.

John

[savage]

G'Day All,

I've always be brought up with mans best friend in my life, and so have my kids, as death is part of life, we where put in a very similar situation, and sat down and had to explain it to 3 kiddies 3,5 and 7. All where of differing veiws, so what I did was to get all of them to close thier eye's, and put thier fingers in thier ears, sounds like fun and they giggled as kids do until they started to move around and bump into things and each other ( they didn't get hurt or anything), but I said to them "imagine this was the way you would have to be for the rest of your life", "not to know if it was night or day", to which the youngest girl No2 child responded, "But Daddy you know I am afraid of the dark", the other 2 nodded in agreement!..The eldest asked my why I had not stopped her bumping into her young brother, and I replied that I had but she couldn't hear the warning (even though I'd said it softly).
Then I said about Kristy, a mixed breed terrier and lovely dog rescued from the pound as an unwanted pup of 7 weeks old, she died at the age of 15yrs, longer than I'd had my own children. I showed them pictures of when she was a puppy and how we'd grown together, and how she had "looked after them" when they where born, and protected us by warning us when someone came to the door or prowlers (we had several) over the years, and how brave she had been. The only difference was we where not faced with a decision to consult the vet, Kristy died one night in bed. We waited for a couple of weeks until we got another pup, as we have always had 2 dogs the other was fretting, so of to the pound and got another. All was happy, but after a few hours of puppy play, puddles and choosing a name, my eldest turned to me and said "Daddy I miss Kristy", and I said "Don't worry darling we all miss her and you'll always remember her".
To this day we often talk about her and writing this it brings a lump to my throat. Anyway, that's my story, later passing's have been easier but no lesser affection showed, hope it helps in a difficult time for your little one.
savage(Eric)
Lay down girl, good girl!

[Farm boy]

hi shannon

my 4 year old girl lost her guinea pig from old age
we told her that gods angels came down and took mr piggys spirit to heaven
and you dont need your old body as god will give you a new one
she then helped me bury her old guinea pig in the back yard and says a special mention to him when we say grace at night
she still talks about mr piggy but is happy that he is in a nice place
hope this helps
greg

[Zed]

what they said upstairs, include a new pet at the same time to soften the impact... nothing like a new puppy in the family...!

god I miss my dog - i've been petless for 5 yrs now (except the wild birds) and I miss having a dog around to tease...

[Waldo]

G'day Shannon,

Loosing a dog for anyone in the family is like loosing part of your family. Like gazaly said, your kid deserves to know the truth in simple terms, it'll tear you all up and not just your 3 year old daughter so be honest.

[clubbyr8]

Hi Shannon,

I lost my 10 year old male Golden Retriever two years ago and because he had been a major part of my life for so long I decided to utilise the services of "Pets at Peace". I now have an urn with his name on it and a lot of reminders of what a magnificent companion he was. My kids are all grown up and his life and death have has a profound effect on them. He is greatly missed.

My female Golden Retriever has just turned 10 and she is starting to suffer with her hips. So I guess I'll have to make a decision on her (one I am dreading).

Regards

Bob

[TassieKiwi]

Sometimes you can't predict wee kids' reaction with adult values - a young relative recently took her life. Their family home is on the way to town, and the following day Max (6) could see heaps of cars outside, and asked what they were all doing there. When I told him that lots of friends were there to look after her parents because they were very sad, he replied "Still sad? gee, that was a whole day ago dad!"
Amazing. I think that there must be an inbuilt protective defence system in the young children. To them only now matters. Yesterday is gone, and who cares about tomorow? (Unless Santa is coming)

[Cliff Rogers]

Little kids take it heaps better than you think they will.

It'll burr you up more & for longer than it will them.