The vet

[Iain]

Two dogs were at the vets surgery and struck up a conversation, the first one, a French Poodle, was complaining that it's owners were a pair of dinks and went to work every morning at 7.30 and came home at 8.00. During the day the poodle said it was locked in the bathroom and by the time the owners came home he was really desperate to defecate (thats s..t Neil!) and would rush out when the door was opened. One night the owners came home late and the poodle could not hold back any longer and left his load in the shower bay. The owners came home after a big night out and the male went to have shower, stepped on the crap and fell over and went through the shower screen which resulted in a trip to hospital. As a result of this explained the poodle, I am here to be put down.
Thats a bit rough said the other dog, a Bull Mastiff, my owner is a super model and every night she stands in front of a full length mirror and undresses before having a shower. There was this one night when she undressed and in front of me, a virile young male, anyway she bends over after she undressed and it was all too much and I pounced from behind.
And here you are, says the poodle, yes says the mastiff. Are you being put down too? No says the mastiff, I'm here to have my nails clipped.

[John Saxton]

Whats wrong with nail files?