A bloke's in court accused of murdering his wife. As the clerk of the court is reading out the charge against him someone in the public gallery shouts out "You b*%#@*d!"
The judge looks up and calls for silence but as the prosecuting counsel starts his opening address, that the prisoner in the dock did wilfully murder his wife using a spade, the same voice from the gallery shouts "You absolute lying b*%#@*d!"
The judge calls for silence and addresses the man in the gallery, saying he realises how shocking the crime is and that perhaps he was close to the deceased but that he really must curb his anger.
"It's not that, your honour," says the man. "I'm his next door neighbour and when I asked the other week if he had a spade I could borrow he said he didn't have one."