Story time with uncle Dave

caused our heroic woodie to be shaved,sanded and polished before he was finally routered and sent off to.............

.. a specialist in these sort of things who said the problem was not caused by fleas but by very small members of the crustacean family, not unlike those which crawl around the ocean floor, sideways.(With any luck won't know what I'm talking about!) So without further ado our hero....

:D VERY Clever John and well put, .
PS I ain't dumb I think;)

...applied copious quantities of "Organoil" and proceeded to dehydrate himself by lying in the sun. Due to the drying effect being only on one side, our hero became somewhat warped and wilted, necesetating a return to.........

to the bell tower where he spent his time..

.....where he spent his time singing that mindless song "Ring, ring, ring maaah belll" and pulling on........
.
.
.
.
.(rember, gentle readers, that cleanliness is next to Godliness!)

an old and tatty overcoat along with his mud encrusted wellington boots so he could venture out into the dark and stormy night where he could once again.........

...haunt the lanes and by-ways, the forests and cemetaries, looking for the materials that would eventually become.......

..... GREAT CAESARS GHOST! The materials became a re-birthed, true to life carving of the very same two buxom lassies who were not only anotomically correct but.....

...being found to be under-powered and over-rated, but still posessing some strange attraction to males of the species who seem intent on wearing strange tweed caps and polishing their....

..... fully automated, all chrome, tripple shift, ball bearing assisted, hydrostatic, eluminated dip stik knobs with turbo charged blow-off valves. Where after they ........

.....Motored off into the sunrise, having spent the previous night recovering from their knob polishing. Their journey was to take them to the never-never land of collective forgetfulness, thereby letting the somewhat distracted woodworkers get back to their original task of turning large lumps of dead trees into...........

even more copies of said nubile ladies..........

who by this time were half way across the Nullabor heading for a place of great beauty, sunny days, Westcoast Eagles and other delights were they could....................

fulfill all of their desperately wanton needs and look admiringly at all of the wild flowers, lovely timber, rocks and thousands of kilometres of sand as they wound their way up to the Northern Territory, the real Never-Never land, where they knew.............

...they may never never get there, but they could drive as fast as their bucket of assorted bolts could take them (did anyone ever count the number of differerent nut & bolt standards used in pommy cars of that vintage?), provided that nothing other than clothing fell 0ff...

cheeseball burgertush

....freshly polished.....

....Finely turned and carved from the most exotic materials......

....known to man,(or boy for that matter, ) and .....

and lovingly oiled and rubbed to a deep lustre using no less than.........................

....the finest silks and satins, followed by the well tanned and exqusitely soft hide of...

....Virginia. where they all come from,although even in Virginia virgins are just about extinct ever since the day when....

Davey Crockett went thundering around Virginian doing..........

terrible things to innocent little possums and racoons so that he could make those funny fur hats to put on his...



cheeseball burgertush

head to cover the bald patch that was developing because the..........

Tulefel girdlebuns

..Virginian winters were rather harsh on exposed skin especially when you had to..

...hunt for those rare and nubile virginal.......

...Rackoons which make the best What-Not and Doo-Hickey polishers and warmers known to man. As this is secret men's business we must regard this information as confidential, otherwise there will be no virgin rackoons to be found in all of Virginia and we will be reduced to........

... using Shellawax and Shithot wax and other like products made by the Grand Poo Bah and his minnions in the back streets of Sleepy Hollow, to polish our what-nots and doo-hickeys so that.........

fancy, fine and finite filigree found only in the finest fakir houses in Egypt. Finely finished filigree is....

flamin' hard to finish without a fair dinkum, fine filagree, finishing fixative, to stop the flamin filagree, from floating off the furniture and onto......

the fabulous flaming floor. After picking them up they again should be polished, pored over for any purile pockmarks and put

precisely in the permanent position, prepared prior to the premature placement of the piece in a perplexing position above the portcullis by Peter The Protector, who in his haste had........

https://www.ubeaut.biz/laughing.gif

buffed the bloody thing beyond belief with "beaut" wax, brawn and beef, before a busy bystander blundered into it and brought the whole beautiful bundle....................

tumbling down, top over tail towards the terrified township of Tootgarook. A "Tidy Town" winner with a terrific temple that played a totally awesome tintinabulation that turned the town tyrant into the town........

tosser, totally titivated by the temptation tendered by the tempting, toothsome twosome...

renound for their rebounding raunchly. and rather rumbustialy,while ravelling through this thread a ration of raucous readings from raving rabbiters who...................

quietly and quickly quit to engage in a game of quoits at Quilpie where wagers were in qintar and all clothing was made from qivet.

The game was played in a quadrangle with quad teams in a quadratic formation with at least one quadroon in each quad.

After drinking Quik and eating..



(there are no spelling mistakes, I swollered a dicktionery :) )

quandongs the quaint little team of quantum mechanicks quickly and quietly quenched their thirst with quaffing wine and went to the quartz quarry to see if there was a quantity of quick silver to restore the broken quatrefoil on the quintessential filagree which quite coincidently had.........

(It is entirely likely that there are spelling mistakes, but I just don't care.) :D

.. an arduous allusion to arbitary assonance by all ablebodied, assinine animals along an arboreal arcade, accompanied by an archetypal arctic arachnoid from Arrarat called 'Arry the archaelogical amateur. Arriving at....
.
(Phew! And bugger the spelling. So There!):mad:

Adelaide, where the arrival of the alluring and artistic artistes was avidly anticipated by the alligators of the Advertiser, who...