Story time with uncle Dave

doorstop had always been one to split hairs (until he found it was a finite resource). Spelling had always made him pull his hair out, no of course he was reduced to tugging ineffectually at the curly ones that sprang from his ears.
Bearing this in mind he strode the deck of his well spelt but dodgily constructed boat singing ....

..... "My bonney lies over the ocean, my bonney lies over the sea, my daddy lay over my mummy and that's how I came to be. Oh bring back, bring back, oh bring back my mummy to me, to me ...... repeatedly until ......

..went off to the equator to build bridges under which he could sail his little boat. Because everyone knows the schoolboy howler
'The equator is a menagerie lion that runs round the earth'.
Having discovered that the market for girders or lions was very limited our hero went back into the depths of the south east of South Oz (where his roots lay) in an attempt to find the two,or was it three, buxom wenches who started this saga so that.....

.. he could finally root out the source of this damned itch that had been troubling him since he....

Johnno 2

..got too close to a furry little thing and ended up with a plague of fleas that.........

caused our heroic woodie to be shaved,sanded and polished before he was finally routered and sent off to.............

.. a specialist in these sort of things who said the problem was not caused by fleas but by very small members of the crustacean family, not unlike those which crawl around the ocean floor, sideways.(With any luck won't know what I'm talking about!) So without further ado our hero....

:D VERY Clever John and well put, .
PS I ain't dumb I think;)

...applied copious quantities of "Organoil" and proceeded to dehydrate himself by lying in the sun. Due to the drying effect being only on one side, our hero became somewhat warped and wilted, necesetating a return to.........

to the bell tower where he spent his time..

.....where he spent his time singing that mindless song "Ring, ring, ring maaah belll" and pulling on........
.
.
.
.
.(rember, gentle readers, that cleanliness is next to Godliness!)

an old and tatty overcoat along with his mud encrusted wellington boots so he could venture out into the dark and stormy night where he could once again.........

...haunt the lanes and by-ways, the forests and cemetaries, looking for the materials that would eventually become.......

..... GREAT CAESARS GHOST! The materials became a re-birthed, true to life carving of the very same two buxom lassies who were not only anotomically correct but.....

...being found to be under-powered and over-rated, but still posessing some strange attraction to males of the species who seem intent on wearing strange tweed caps and polishing their....

..... fully automated, all chrome, tripple shift, ball bearing assisted, hydrostatic, eluminated dip stik knobs with turbo charged blow-off valves. Where after they ........