Getting Old II

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks, "Do you still get horny?"
The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
"Who drives you to the beach?"

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding
her hat on tightly so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I donot intend
to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in
this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to
hold onto this hat."
"But, madam, you must know that your privates are
exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir,
anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this
hat yesterday!"


Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home
reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers
and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a
cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to
be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two
big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady
remarked,
"I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy your"re
talking about."


Two elderly women were out driving in a large car. Both could
barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I
must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through red
light."
After a few more minutes they came to another
intersection, the light was red, and again they went right
through.
This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been
red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close
attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely
red and they blew right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know
that you ran through three red lights in a row? You could
have killed us."
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh S *** t! Am I driving?"