Last Will and Testament of a Cop
I, the Country Cop,
being of un#sound mind and worn-out body hereby make my last Will and Testament; do with it what I have been wanting to tell them to do with it for years and a set of water wings for the next time they try to walk on water.
To My Wife:
I leave all my worldly goods, and a big apology for not being home as often as I should and for being so tired when I was home and she wanted to go out. I also take this opportunity to explain that I really wasn't having as much fun at work as she imagined.
To My Children:
I leave all the wisdom we Coppers never had, in the hope that they will grow up to seek sensible employment and not be at the beck and call of a public who doesn't want them.
To The Officers:
Who through the years have supplied us with inadequate transport, poor equipment, impossible stations, poor leadership and who have gone out of their way to make our working lives a misery, I leave all the equipment, in order that it may be melted down and turned into suppositories so that they can dp with it what I have been wanting to tell them to do with it for years.
To The Officers:
Who were fair-minded and took an interest in us, I leave a friendly wave and good wishes. To the other officers, aforementioned, I also leave a wave, but add a slightly different finger and wrist action.
To The College:
I leave 185kgs of
1. Law Books
2. Acts of Parliament
3. Orders
4. Regulations
and other assorted bulldust in the hope that some day, someone will introduce a uniformity of training which will actually assist the working police officer.
To The Crown Solicitors:
Who withdrew prosecutions or plea bargained against my wishes or in my absence, I leave a pair of sweaty socks and a set of water wings for the next time they try to walk on water.
To The Defence Solicitors:
Who harassed me, laid allegations against me and called me a liar, under the privilege of the court room, I leave a stone to be placed under each piece of paper on which they have to write and with the hope that their wives run off with the local garbage collectors.
Finally, to those in the Force who have prevented the promotion of worthy Coppers by:
1. Malicious gossip
2. Favouritism
3. Using their senior positions
4. Being afraid they would be shown up
I leave the sure knowledge that if I had to do it all over again, I would probably do it all over them.
signed: "The Country Cop"
witnessed by: "His Offsider"
