Prime ministers speech

I post the following for the Australiana type humour only, it does not necessarly reflect my view of the war.

Gino

A full transcript of the Prime Minister's announcement before the World's
media explaining the Australian position:

The people of Australia are neither dills nor drongos. It should by now be
obvious that Saddam Hussein reckons we're both and, frankly, I've had a
gutful.

That quality bloke from the UN, Hans Blix, has on several occasions now
rocked up in Baghdad for a squiz only to be stuffed around by a blue-chip
artist who insists that, apart from a couple of two-penny bungers
and a Catherine wheel, his arsenal of weapons amounts to three-fifths of
stuff-all.

To you, Saddam, I say: 'Get your hand off it. This isn't bush week. We
didn't come down in the last shower and will muck in for one almighty
stink unless you pull your finger out and stop taking the freedom-loving
world for a ride.'

The President was asked whether Australia is part of the coalition of the
willing. My oath we are. We're as willing as buggery. As billy-o. We're as
willing as all-get-out.

That said, we are not yet dead-set for a stoush, and still believe that an
honest yarn can sort out this barney. But only if Saddam is true blue
about it.

We see little point, however, in adopting the shirt-lifting position taken
by some of the continentals.

Tony Blair has been beaut, even if the average Pom on the street remains
iffy.

But France and Germany are an absolute cot case, a hopeless bloody rabble.
This is hardly surprising, as both nations have well and truly got the
runs on the board in the showpony stakes.

Many of you will be familiar with my colleague Alexander Downer and his
doctrine of the busted- countries.

Today I expand that doctrine to include another category. The
up-themselves purse-swinging states of Western Europe.

The Frogs, with their history of having a bob each way, only to bludge
their way out of strife, and the Krauts, who brought us the maddest
bastard and biggest dust-up of the 20th century, but come the raw prawn in
the face of a comparable global shemozzle.

To the Europeans I say: Fair suck of the sav. Unless you lift your game
and quick smart you will be found standing and dacked, before world
opinion.

In the coming donnybrook, I would also stress that we have absolutely no
worries with the Muslim peoples of the world.

My government has been bagged by bolshies for hopping into queue-jumpers.

Some reckon I pinched my third spell in the bush capital by giving them
heaps, but they're a bloody marvellous mob and I would be more than happy
to blow the froth off a couple with any of them should they shack up next
door, provided they've had their bona fides sussed by our pen-pushers.

Any war will be about a fair go for the people of Iraq who have had the
mockers put on them for far too long by this rolled-gold, 24-carat nong
who, cunning as a rat, has tried to con the world while acting
like a low mongrel towards his own citizens and a raving fruitcake
throughout the region.

Time is running out, Saddam. Comply with the UN's demands and everything
will be tickety-boo. Keep -farting around and we'll be in like Flynn.

And you, Saddam, will be cactus.

To those domestic whiners and whingers who accuse me of cranking it too
hard too early, particularly Simon Crean and his pinko mates, who have
given the seppo dippos the irrits by having a red-hot go at their
President, I warn that you are playing right into the hands of a man who
is demonstrably as mad as a cut snake.

I trust this clarifies the Australian position.

I would now like to invite the President back to the embassy for a
phlegm-cutter.

I understand he is no longer massively on the turps and may not be on for
a proper session. In these troubled times, however, we should allow
ourselves a couple of sly ones.

I thank youse all.