Speeding excuse

A middle aged man bought a brand new Holden Monaro.
He took off down the road, pushed it up to 130 kph,and was enjoying the
wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.
"This is great," he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed.

But then he looked in his rear-view mirror, and there was a Police Car
behind him, blue lights flashing.
"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he floored it
some more, and flew down the road at over 210 kph to escape being stopped.
Then he thought, "What the hell am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of
thing" and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police
car to catch up with him.
The Policeman pulled in behind the Monaro and walked up on the driver's
side.

"Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Friday the 13th.
If you can give me a good reason why you were speeding that I've never
heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, "Last week my wife ran off with a Policeman, and I thought you were bringing her back."






The Policeman said, "Have a nice day."

A man got pulled over for speeding and the cop asked to see his license.
He replied "sorry i diont have one"
Cop: "how about some rego papers for the car?
driver: "they are in the glove box but i must warn you i have a pistol in the golve box too"
Cop: "Pistol?"
Driver: "Yes the pistol i used to shoot the owner of the car"
Cop: "You shot the owner of the car?"
Driver: "yes his body is in the boot"
Cop: "wait right here - dont move"
Cop calls for backup and within 5 minutes there are 12 cop cars there, one carrying the local inspector.
The inspector approaches the car.
Inspector: "can i see your license?"
Driver: "certainly inspector" (driver prioduces valid license)
Inspector: "how about registration papers" (driver reaches into glove box and produces rego papers and there is no gun visible)
Inspector: "I was told there was a gun in the glovebox and a body in the boot"
Driver: "and i bet the lying bastard said i was speeding too"http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com...ons/icon10.gifhttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com...ons/icon10.gif

cop pulls over an elderly couple.
Asks the driver for his license. The driver's wife interrupts "What'd ee say dear?"so the old guy explains.
Cop reads the license and says" Manilla, eh? I knew a shiela in Manilla."
wife interrupts again. "What'd ee say dear?"
old guy explains again.
Cop says" Manilla, yeah.... worst woman I ever had."
wife interrupts again. "What'd ee say dear?"
old guy explains
"He said he thinks he knows you dear."

Caliban, why did you have to doom this thread to the orange room???????