Where else would you hear this?

At the big green Borg yesterday, where the Metabo range is being sold off....

Customer "I want a sander"

Borg Helper "Do you know what kind you want?"

Customer "One that vibrates?"

(Groggy blanches, but resists the urge to tell him "wrong shop", listens in some more...)

Borg Helper ...launches into the different types off sanders, and does a fairly good job of it. Shows him palm units, ROS's, belt sanders and the 1/3 sheet vibrating units.

Customer "I need to do a fair amount of sanding, is it strong enough?"

Borg Helper "Hmmm, maybe you need to move to the Platinum range"

Customer, excitedly, "yeah, they look better!".

Borg Helper "and Australian too!"

Customer "great!"

(Groggy is now peeing in his pants as, only six feet away, on the specials table, is a Metabo 1/3 sheet sander; normally $190-ish, going for $99, which would have been $10 cheaper than the unit purchased.)

I think I am going to start making Ozito aircraft and give purchasers a lifetime warranty...


BTW, Hoppers had 3 sanders left last night, I missed them on my first visit.

I was our local borg (Home Depot) and a customer was looking for a 25 mm auger bit for his drill.

Customer: "Do you have any 25 mm auger bits?"
Borg Employee: "I don't think that we carry auger bits."
Customer: "It sort of looks like a spiral stair case wound around a steel shaft".
Borg Employee: "We don't carry nothing like that."
Me: (Pointing to display 1 M away) "Are the bits in the blue plastic holders what you want?"
Borg Employee: (Leaving) "Hrmmpf."
Customer: "If you don't work here you should."

It's amazing that Borgs around the world are the same.

I wanted to buy a wall mounted light fixture. Off to the Borg. I see the one that I want on display. When illuminated, it is rather attractive. I note the stock number and go look on the shelf. Wouldn't you know it, there are none on the shelf. But wait, about 3 M up on the shelves there are several. Ah, there's a roll about ladder. I grab the ladder and start to roll it over to the shelf so that I can get the light fixture down. At this point a Borg Employee shows up.

BE: "What are you doing?"
Me" "Well I want to buy that light fixture but there are none on the shelf. There are a few in stock above."
BE: "Customers are NOT allowed to use the roll about ladders."
Me: (Pointing) "OK, you go up there and get that box."
BE: (Leaving with the roll about ladder) "This is not my department."
(It gets better)
Me: (Stunned and climbing up the storage racks)
New BE: "What are you doing? Get down from there."
Me: (Tossing boxed light fixture) "Just a minute. Here catch!"
New BE: (Catching box as I'm climbing down) "Sir, we have ladders to reach the upper storage areas."
Me: (Taking boxexd light fixture and pointing) "I was using the roll about ladder but that F*&^ing idiot took the ladder away from me."