More Sunday Funnies

Seems a million kids want to clean up the earth.
Two million parents wish they would start with their bedroom


Took the wife out to a restaurant the other night.
Didn’t have a booking and when we got there, it was packed and no tables becoming free anytime soon.
Took out my mobile and said in loud voice into it “Mate, better get over here quick. She is having dinner with someone else…”
Six couples fled. ..................................Problem solved.


Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,
Chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly
Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she
Ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over ....women like that are hard to find."


Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then, the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me."
The badly shaken passenger apologised to the driver and said, "I didn't realise that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly."
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very first day driving a cab, I've been driving a hearse for 25 years."


A blonde chick gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds. She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a football.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she asks.
'Yes,' he replies.
'You can go and play with the other kids, you know,' she says.
'It's best I stay here,' he says.
'Why's that, sweetie?' asks the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says: "Because I'm the goal keeper !!!"