TO: All Employees
FROM: Company Management
SUBJEST: Company Training Policy
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from all employees, it will be new company policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). As a company we are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.
If you feel that you do not recieve your fair share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. that you can handle.
Employees that do not take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those that fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to undergo EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING ( E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since all of our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they dont have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already.
If your are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).
Those that are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T. jobs and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
If you have any further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thankyou for your co-operation.
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
