Oldies but a tad timely

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WORLD RECORDS

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.

Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in
the world."

Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."

Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the ugliest person in the
world."

They decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their
claims verified.

Sleeping Beauty went first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's
official, I am the most beautiful girl in the world,"

Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant, "I am officially the
smallest person in the world."

Sometime later, Quasimodo came out looking confused and simply stated,
"Who the hell is Camilla Parker Bowles?"


THE PRINCE AND THE GENIE

The Prince was driving around his Mother's estate one day when he
accidentally ran over her favourite corgi. The poor unfortunate dog was
crushed to a pulp! The Prince got out of his car sat down on the grass
and started crying.

The whole world was already against him and now his mother would be mad
at him as well. Suddenly he noticed a lamp half buried by his foot. He
dug up the lamp and polished it. Low and behold, all of a sudden, a
genie appeared.

"You've freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment", said the
genie. "For freeing me I grant you one wish".

"Well", said the Prince. "I have all the money and material things that
I need, but let me show you this dog".

They walked over to the splattered remains of the dog.

"Do you think you can bring this dog back to life", asked the Prince.

The Genie looked carefully at the remains and gently shook his head.

"This body is far too gone for even me to bring back to life, isn't
there anything else you would like"?

The Prince thought for a moment and then reached into his pockets and
took out two photographs.

"I used to be married to this beautiful woman called Diana", said the
Prince showing the genie the first photograph.

"But now I love this woman called Camilla".

He showed the genie the second photograph.

"You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, do you think you can make
Camilla as beautiful as Diana"?

The genie studied the two photographs and after a few moments said:
"Let's have a look at that dog again".

PTC (Peter the Crook) gave me a 'reddy' for these jokes. Is he a dog lover, does he have the hots for big ears bag or is he really Quasimodo himself? :p :p :p :p :D

He must be Quasimodo :D to object to these jokes.


Peter.

Perhaps he's big ears' woman!