fenderbelly
27th October 2008, 01:34 PM
Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) comes to Scotland to conquer the
Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him. As he nears the battlefield there
suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill. A short,ginger-haired guy in a kilt.
'Hammer o'the Scots?' yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. 'Come up
here, ya English b ** tards, and I'll give ye a hammerin'!'
Edward turns to his commander. 'Send 20 men to deal with that little
Scottish upstart, there's a good chap!', he says. The commander sends
twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Scotsman.
Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears
again.
'Ya English bampots!', he yells. 'Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll
have ye all !'
Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander. 'Send 100
men to kill that little guttersnipe!'
The commander sends a hundred men over the hill to do the job.Ten minutes
later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once more,his hair
all sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn. 'Ya English SCUM!', he yells.
'I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, ya English gits!!'
Edward loses patience. 'Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM
OFF THE EARTH!', he yells.
The commander gulps, but leads four hundred men
on horseback over the crest of the hill.
Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn,
his face is covered in blood, snot and Irn-Bru. 'Is that the best ye can
do??? You're bloody WIMMIN!!! Come on!! Come and have a go ya bunch of
Jessies!!!', he yells.
Edward turns to his second in command. 'Take 1000 men over that h ill and
don't come back till you've killed him!' he commands.
The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to
their fate.
Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of
the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn. 'Your
Majesty!! he yells.
It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them !!
Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him. As he nears the battlefield there
suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill. A short,ginger-haired guy in a kilt.
'Hammer o'the Scots?' yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. 'Come up
here, ya English b ** tards, and I'll give ye a hammerin'!'
Edward turns to his commander. 'Send 20 men to deal with that little
Scottish upstart, there's a good chap!', he says. The commander sends
twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Scotsman.
Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears
again.
'Ya English bampots!', he yells. 'Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll
have ye all !'
Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander. 'Send 100
men to kill that little guttersnipe!'
The commander sends a hundred men over the hill to do the job.Ten minutes
later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once more,his hair
all sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn. 'Ya English SCUM!', he yells.
'I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, ya English gits!!'
Edward loses patience. 'Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM
OFF THE EARTH!', he yells.
The commander gulps, but leads four hundred men
on horseback over the crest of the hill.
Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn,
his face is covered in blood, snot and Irn-Bru. 'Is that the best ye can
do??? You're bloody WIMMIN!!! Come on!! Come and have a go ya bunch of
Jessies!!!', he yells.
Edward turns to his second in command. 'Take 1000 men over that h ill and
don't come back till you've killed him!' he commands.
The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to
their fate.
Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of
the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn. 'Your
Majesty!! he yells.
It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them !!