DonN
10th February 2004, 08:20 PM
Corporate Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly
wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars
and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman
wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower,
"Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he
stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him
and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was
flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his
hand.
Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologized, "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each
of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's
gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says thesales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a
sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at
the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there for
long.
Corporate Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly
wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that
towel that you have on."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars
and leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman
wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower,
"Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2
A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he
stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.
The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him
and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was
flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his
hand.
Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest
apologized, "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance
and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great
opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each
of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's
gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says thesales rep. "I want to be
in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Corporate Lesson 4
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit
saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a
sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
Corporate Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at
the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there for
long.
Corporate Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Moral of the story:
1) Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
3) And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!