A TRUE story -Bluddy wimmin (again)

[woodcutta]

I'm sure every man on this forum has had the same experience as me when it comes to SWMBO and navigation skills - an oxymoron if ever there was one.

Continually having to stop in Sydney traffic - turn the UBD up the right way - find our current position and then continue on for the next few minutes and then repeat the process.

Well a brilliant idea jumped into my head - by a GPS - listen to the instructions - at the next roundabout take the third exit - in 200 meters turn left.

Perfect - no more arguments - a peaceful trip to the city.

Find the GPS that looks like it will do what we want and set it for our fisrt trip to Sydney.

Get to Sydney, Turn it on - position located - the voice of a female that seems to know how to navigate - a first.

In 1.4 kilometers turn left. This is fantastic!!.

Get 100 meters from the corner we are instructed to turn at and guess what - NO DONT TURN THERE this thing doesnt know what its doing - Go to the next corner. We'll never get there this way -

Peace shattered after only 87 seconds!!

I give up!!:rolleyes:


woodcutta

[fred.n]

:rofl::rofl: nuff said :D

[chrisb691]

You need to mount it upside down....... to make it wife-compatible. :rolleyes:

[wayfarer]

You need to mount it upside down....... to make it wife-compatible. :rolleyes:

+1 :)

Get an upgrade,,, one that comes with tourettes :)

[tea lady]

:( I have had to correct many a bloke on the direction we were supposed to be going. Even had to teach one how to bang in a nail.:doh: (He was an architect though. ) So don't get all "sweeping statement" with me around.

[astrid]

WELL YOU GUYS REALLY ASKED FOR IT NOW,
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS women cant navigate whine.
If youse blokes are soooo good, why do you ask us to navigate in the first place. In fact how come you always get to drive?
(unless its on the way home of course)
Then we just switch on the automatic pilot DONT WE?

So what if we turn the map upsided down this actually makes sense.
Do you EVER admit your lost and ask for directions?

No, you just drive us and the kids nuts, driving round in circles, or the wrong direction, and we just sit there with a fixed smile cos we darent say" I think It's the other way"

Women's sense of direction on average is .006 worse than mens (NASSA)
but of course men did the tests.

Very cross
Astrid

[tea lady]

And men probably designed the GPS.........and the roads...........and the maps. And thought it would be cute for it to have a female voice.:(

..............and all those gadgets that you can never find the off switch for....and ...and.......kitchens and.....cars and.........

'scuse me. I'm just going to MY shed to calm down.*%#@$^&*(!@

[artme]

Ha! you think you have troubles now? The police up here think GPS units are as dangerous as amobile phone!!
Another bloody reason for the Government to rip money from the motoring public!!!:((:((:((:((

[tea lady]

Yes. I guess lots of incidents of looking at GPS instead of road. And driving into odd places because of blindly following instructions.

[AlexS]

If you follow the GPS or whereis directions from my place to anywhere, the first right turn it tells you to make is at a No Right Turn sign.

And yes, women can navigate, they just do it differently to men. When the army started taking women in to do other than clerical work they had to change the way they taught navigation to accommodate the different styles.

[woodcutta]

Far be it from me to say women cant navigate - my wife can navigate quite well when she's been there before - left at the shopping centre - right at the house with the lovely jacaranda in the front yard - left at the coffee shop that serves the best lemon merangue pie etc.:wink:

[Gra]

i'm with Astrid on this one. My wife is the greatest navigator that I have ever had. Most of the time I can usually wing it, but in unfamiliar territory she is indispensable.:2tsup::2tsup:

[flynnsart]

:missing:Donna says:"Ahhh Pete, turn left at the streetsign with the red x on it".

Peter says: "Streetsign, what streetsign" :q

............................................
I Do agree with astrid :D

Was this thread started to get us all biting?..... Worked!

Donna

[HappyHammer]

Gra you and your mates need to go back to the Wood Whispering Women forum.:U

HH.

[Barry_White]

Do you notice when we start talking navigation it brings out the worst in wimmin trying to defend their upsidedown navigation system.

[LotteBum]

The sweeping statement that 'bluddy wimmin' are bad navigators is probably true - it is a 'sweeping statement' after all. Personally, I'm not one of these women, but I know ladies who are, and happily admit so.

I now want to make a sweeping statement of my own. Don't you just love that horrible, unattractive, hard stomach most men develop as they age (and they still continue to get around with no shirt on - eugh!), nor the inability of most men to cook anything other than flavourless crap (give me a man who can whip up a spicy stir fry any day!).

Us 'wimmin' may be poor navigators, but we sure as hell age far more gracefully than men and we sure as heck are a lot better in the kitchen than most men.

Lotte

P.S. My partner still has a flat stomach and he's training in the kitchen. I've made it clear that if he does not cleanse, exfoliate, moisturise, not to mention stay trim, I'll look far younger and better than him when we're older and he's not going to like it.

P.P.S. Don't even get me started on childbirth - there's a reason 'bluddy wimmin' were assigned that task. Our male counterparts simply would not be able to handle it.

[silentC]

I've made it clear that if he does not cleanse, exfoliate, moisturise
You mean to tell me that there are guys around (besides Ian Thorpe) who actually do that stuff?

Now I'm very comfortable in the kitchen, stir fries are easy and any bloke who can't cook one has reasons other than incapability but that's by the by. My wife is a good navigator and she became very adept at operating the GPS while we were away.

But there's no way I'm rubbing that mucky crap all over myself like she does every night and if she doesn't like it, she knows what to do :)

[Ashore]

Mate most GPS's have an earphone socket try a headset :2tsup:


and the normal navigation to the local shops by women compared to men :doh:

[rsser]

Well my partner with a Melways in hand would beat City Navigator 7.0 on the GPS any day.

Not that that's much of a compliment.

But she navigates as well as I cook and I have had a critical clientele of kids for 25 years.

So, one swallow does not a spring make.

I'm not into making sweeping statements :rolleyes:

[Allan at Wallan]

Last time I was driving the missus on a
shopping spree and she was navigating
with the Melways upside down.

We argued when we got lost, I told her
to go to Hell and she is still searching the
Melways under "H" for it.

Allan

_____________________________________

I once stole a calendar - and got 12 months.

[flynnsart]

This is causing me to have a good old cackle!:D

Just goes to show how different we are, ie. if my husband ever starts to do the exfoliation thing, I will divorce him, give me a hairy faced male any day.

I personally dont think the navigation problem is a gender thing, although, I dont know too many males who could navigate the females route around the shops as shown in Ashore's post, :roll:thats why they go straight to the one shop.

Donna

[Christopha]

The "ex" was a shocker with a street directory, she could get lost in the middle of a bloody oval.. but, take her out in the bush, give her a map and she was terrific! I couldn't ever figure that out. But then I always had trouble with cooking too....
Speaking of cooking and things domesticish, is Thursday really the best day of the week for washing the dishes?

[OLDPHART]

Girls would you like a little cheese with that whine?:o

[wayfarer]

:( I have had to correct many a bloke on the direction we were supposed to be going. Even had to teach one how to bang in a nail.:doh: (He was an architect though. ) So don't get all "sweeping statement" with me around.


WELL YOU GUYS REALLY ASKED FOR IT NOW,
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS women cant navigate whine.
If youse blokes are soooo good, why do you ask us to navigate in the first place. In fact how come you always get to drive?
(unless its on the way home of course)
Then we just switch on the automatic pilot DONT WE?

So what if we turn the map upsided down this actually makes sense.
Do you EVER admit your lost and ask for directions?

No, you just drive us and the kids nuts, driving round in circles, or the wrong direction, and we just sit there with a fixed smile cos we darent say" I think It's the other way"

Women's sense of direction on average is .006 worse than mens (NASSA)
but of course men did the tests.

Very cross
Astrid

QED

/me runs :)

[echnidna]

is Thursday really the best day of the week for washing the dishes?

Go automatic stoppers,

Get a cat or dog and leave yer dishes on the floor each morning.

When yer get home from work the dishes'll be nice and clean:D

[Bleedin Thumb]

My stomach is flatter than my wife's, I designed and built my own kitchen because I love cooking and I don't need any flamin metro-sexual beauty products to retain my natural rugged good looks ( OK very rugged) and I have yet to meet a woman who can read a street directory...although I have met a few who THINK that they can.:D

[ernknot]

Now now boys and girls let's not get too excited. My wife uses the WC navigation method. She knows where every dunny in Australia is located - seems like it anyway. We never get lost.

[Barry_White]

Now now boys and girls let's not get too excited. My wife uses the WC navigation method. She knows where every dunny in Australia is located - seems like it anyway. We never get lost.

Hey ern I can relate to that.

[hitch]

Gees Astrid you've just confirmed for me my place in the GREAT male fraternity. You could have been me misses talking cept I don't have a misses just a live-in lover, washer, ironer, financier(I think that's right), etc. Anyway she loves me and I love her but she still can't NAVIGATE. Funny isn't it that she thinks I can't either!! Just don't know how we get around.

[tea lady]

:war:

[Fuzzie]

Back to the GPS thingy. The disembodied voice in mine got the name Cornelia (a'la Missing Link) after the sub-audible sigh and
well if you're that stupid as it recalculates a route because the last right turn was not executable and was ignored.....

[Ashore]

Now now boys and girls let's not get too excited. My wife uses the WC navigation method. She knows where every dunny in Australia is located - seems like it anyway. We never get lost.
Try here ern in case she's missed any
www.toiletmap.gov.au (http://www.toiletmap.gov.au) :2tsup:

[jow104]

I wonder how the get on in Los Angeles with GPS, the last time I was there they changed the traffic flow direction at 4pm.(honest) on some roads.

BTW, I didnt know anything about it either. Honest. :rolleyes:

[Big Shed]

I wonder how the get on in Los Angeles with GPS, the last time I was there they changed the traffic flow direction at 4pm.(honest) on some roads.

BTW, I didnt know anything about it either. Honest. :rolleyes:

Mate, they do the same in Adelaide on the "Southern Express Way", all 2 lanes of it.:doh:

[rsser]

:war:
Quite right.

But what is the question?

[echnidna]

Pancakes anyone?
:PANCAKES:

[woodcutta]

:war:


You may be right, but there's nothing like the fun of starting one :oo:

woodcutta

PS SWMBO had a great giggle reading this thread

[scooter]

Pancakes anyone?
:PANCAKES:

Been a while. :)

[tea lady]

Pancakes anyone?
:PANCAKES:

Is it Tuesday? I'll bring maple syrup.:D

[Eli]

I wonder how the get on in Los Angeles with GPS, the last time I was there they changed the traffic flow direction at 4pm.(honest) on some roads.

BTW, I didnt know anything about it either. Honest. :rolleyes:

Watch it. I did LA for ten years without a GPS, only bought one now that I have to drive on THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD (if it's war you're wanting, I'm Canadian :wink: )

Don't forget right next to Albert Park, the king alley, or queen's footpath, whatever you guys call that little donkey track........

Changes twice a day. I freaked my Mom out driving her home from Tulla, she thought we were going to hit a wandering semi.

I didn't think you called them pancakes.......

[HappyHammer]

I'd be keen to see how it handles the ridiculous situation of going to the left lane to turn right because of the trams, that one's a blinder....

HH.

[rrich]

Many years ago I bought this little Chevy Vega for a long commute. It was necessary until the house was sold and a new one could be purchased close to the new job. I got the Vega with about every handling option available and wide tyres on wide rims. After about 6 months I got some rather good radial tyres for the Vega.

SWMBO never really liked the Vega as it was not as quiet as the station wagon, no A/C and she didn't like the manual shift four speed. She really didn't like anything about the car.

During the first gas shortage, we decided to take the Vega to visit her parents. We were taking a route to her parents' home that I had never taken before. SWMBO was the navigator.

Everything was fine until we were within about five miles of the old homestead. SWMBO was looking out the window, "Oh, they changed...", "Oh, they have a new car...", "Oh, there's whats-her-name <WHATS-HER-NAME>with the new baby..." and yada, yada, yada.

Mean while I'm just blipping along at a a fair pace when suddenly SWMBO shouts, "Ahhhhhhh, TURN HERE!"

Brakes, very HARD, clutch, grab second gear, turn, slide a little, clutch, throttle, spin tyres slightly, straighten out and continue blipping along. SWMBO starts into me with "Are you crazy?" etc. still white knuckled attached to the pasenger sissy bar. I countered with, "Look! I made the turn and I stayed within the appropriate lanes." "But you were sideways and you screeched the tyres." "Nothing illegal and next time GIVE ME MORE WARNING ahead of turns."

Now, almost 40 years later, as long as SWMBO orients the map to the direction we are going she is an excellent navigator.

On another trip...
When you are in Hawaii, there are two things that you can do.
1) Clockwise
2) Counter Clockwise

On the Big Island there is a third option, called The Saddle Road. This road runs between the two dormant volcanos Mauna Loa and Moana Kea. The road is at about 2,150M in elevation and has two right angle turns about 500M apart. The rental car companies say the road is forbidden and claim to take the car away if they catch you on the road. The saddle part is not that bad but the switch backs on either end of the road usually require driving through the clouds (a.k.a. Fog) to get up and down from the saddle. The advantage to The Saddle Road is a 90 minute to two hour time saving on the trip from Kona to Hilo.

I'm not sure exactly when, but our car was a Ford Escort. (Something we call a sub-compact.) The car was a bit under powered and had an automatic transmission. It was our third or fourth trip from Kona to Hilo and by this time I had gotten to "know" the road. The county was working on the road on the Hilo end of The Saddle Road. The raod was well graded through the lava and was almost ready for asphalt. Due to traffic, the lava was breaking up slightly creating, for lack of better words, marbles on the surface.

Enter Rich, SWMBO and the Ford Escort. The transmission was a three speed and maybe had an over drive gear. Leaving The Saddle Road and decending into Hilo, I had the Ford Escort in second gear. I was using the engine to break or reduce my speed for the decent. I'm sure you blokes understand, it was just a leisurely drive on the decent. I rarely needed to use the break at all.

After a few miles, SWMBO reaches over and really hits me on the arm saying, "Slow Down, you're on vacation." I immediately put on the brake, slowed way down and looked at SWMBO saying, "But I'm not pushing it." SWMBO responded, "You're sliding through every curve!" She was right, but I was having a REALLY good time.

[jow104]

Rrich, didnt you stop to pick some orchids?

[astrid]

I think that one difference between men and women, driving , is that Men seem to see a car as some sort of alter ego accessory.
Why do some men drive like Brock, when they on a mountain road despite the sometimes obvious fear of the light of their lives.
I notice they dont drive like this when their Mum is in the car.

Women on the other hand tend only to drive like this when they're on their own (in a Good car).
I know when Im driving the kids or HWMNBO, I drive like an instructor.
On my own, in The old prelude it's more like Toad (with very loud system and fluffy dice)

Astrid
:)

PS i don't really have the fluffy dice

[wayfarer]

The Minister for War & Directions drives me to Distraction whenever she navigates. I can never find it in the street directory but we've been there plenty of times. :)

Perhaps if she left the street directory right way up we'd get to our original destination with less diversion. :)

To be fair, to be sure, she hates it when I navigate. :)

[tea lady]

Some years ago (OK Lots o' years ago) I had a casual job as a courier driver. Zig-zagging twice a day from out near the airport over too Dandenang and back dropping packages off at obscure locations. Only did it for a week- got really good at "making good time". I didn't realise how fast I was driving thinking it was normal speed until I drove boyfriend of the time to a movie on Friday night. Made pretty good time. Got a good park. Look over to boyfriend sitting white knuckled in passenger seat- holding sissy bar (is that what they are called?)and dashboard and whatever else was handy. Opens one eye to cautiously assess situation. Are we there yet?

No moral to the story, but I can understand courier and trucks not feeling like stopping at another %#$@&* traffic light and change another %&$#@* gear!!! And driving can certainly be fun sometimes.:D But not tailgating in the fast lane of the Burnly tunnel like some daft blond was doing to me once. And quit a lot of men driving black cars. What is it with black cars? Seems its the national sign for A$$#@!!, keep clear. Better still vanish.:(

[astrid]

Must be black and white
with me its those black, not quite 4 wheel drive, expensive things or white vans.
Astrid:U

[HappyHammer]

With me it's anyone who drives too close to my rear. I don't drive slowly so there is no need for it, they often get more than they bargain for if they persist. They're often but not always P platers and mostly young women for some reason.

HH.

[Bleedin Thumb]

Why do some men drive like Brock, when they on a mountain road ?




Because its fun to drive fast on winding roads?

[HappyHammer]

Because its fun to drive fast on winding roads?
:2tsup::2tsup:

HH.

[Ashore]

Why do some men drive like Brock, when they on a mountain road

Because they can :2tsup:

But your right for some its an ego thing they need a big flashy car to compensate for their small .......whatever, but for real men its not how big or flashy the car its how fast you can go in it on a mountain road that counts :doh:

[HappyHammer]

Gotta love that feeling in the pit of your stomach and back of your throat when you hit a bit of loose stuff on a bend...:U

Then turn to an ashen SWMBO and say "I was in control the whole time...":;

HH.

[rsser]

Once set up a nice sting.

Coming down from Falls Ck doing a fair clip. Know the road well. And then a young prat in a muscle car starts sitting on my tail. There are few places to overtake so we got into a rhythm and he stopped anticipating.

I didn't; I knew there was a tight decreasing radius bend coming up and prepared for it. He didn't, sh*t himself and ran wide.

Small thrill I know. But experience has to count for something once in a while.

[tea lady]

Yes, funny those muscle cars. Even in the Toyota Echo (Dubbed the wizzo car in this house) can usually keep a faster overall speed on the windy roads around here. Small pleasures.:cool:

[Bleedin Thumb]

The wizo may get around the corners faster but do you get the same G forces that come from breaking late in a 2 tonne beast then throwing it into the bend?:cool::D

[rsser]

Yoiks.

Sounds, ah, awesome.

G forces on a Honda Fireblade are good too :D

[bricks]

With me it's anyone who drives too close to my rear. I don't drive slowly so there is no need for it, they often get more than they bargain for if they persist. They're often but not always P platers and mostly young women for some reason.

HH.


Drive a ute, with a big metal rear end,

when you stop- they stop too, it's great.

or if you want to have a little fun with them keep your constant speed but flick your parkers ( during the day) on it makes the tail light go on and they think its the brakes and hit the picks. :U

Sometimes if your really in a playfull mood just slow down to a crawl everytime they get to close, they'll stop doing it, or they'll finally use the other lane or they might just freak out and try and kill you but hey, it's all fun and games.

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

G forces on a Honda Fireblade are good too :D

From experience I've found that even my sluggish auld '45 Harley is nippier on corners and can brake harder than most cars. (I say most, 'cos I haven't had every model up my clacker.)

I've never understood why car drivers think they can keep up with a bike, let alone tailgate it, on windy roads without brown pants. :no:

[rsser]

Yeah well mostly they're trying in both senses of the term.

Though I did once have a Nissan Skyline give me a run for my money between Whittlesea and Kinglake W.

I was impressed.

[rsser]

or if you want to have a little fun with them keep your constant speed but flick your parkers ( during the day) on it makes the tail light go on and they think its the brakes and hit the picks. :U


heh heh.

Here's another, though I don't do it since it's a bit over the line for me:

Busy morning traffic, you're behind the car stopped at the line at traffic lights. Driver is fiddling: checking the mobile, or putting on mascara, or reading an SMS, whatever.

So you rev up making like you're taking off, driver in front automatically starts to take off too without having checked the lights.

[Bleedin Thumb]

So you rev up making like you're taking off, driver in front automatically starts to take off too without having checked the lights.


So that was you!:D its usually the car in the lane besides me that does that to me:doh:

[rsser]

LoL.

Nah. Possibly my son :-}

[RETIRED]

'Tis better to roll forward a little and watch the panic as the car beside you starts pumping the brakes because they think they are rolling backwards.

[Toyboy]

True story. Yesterday, we drove to Toowoomba with a load of furniture for the kids. (They've just moved into a new house). As we hadn't been there before, we had to use a map to find the place.
As I happened to be driving at this stage, LOTO (Leader Of The Opposition) has the map.
"We have to turn from Tor Street at the lights near the hospital into X street." says LOTO.
"OK, so what is the street before that turn?" ask I.
"I just told you. It's X street."
"I know that, but what is the name of the street before x street?"
So she names another main road.
"Good God woman, pay attention. There must be a street before the right turn from Tor Street."
"I don't know what you're talking about. We have to turn LEFT. I've told you twice already."
"Is there a set of bloody lights at this turnoff?"
I actually had a rather vague idea of where we were to end up, but as we have a heavy trailer tailgating us, and we're in heavy traffic, I wasn't inclined to have to try to stop too quickly to make our 'right' turn if it came upon us suddenly.
"Alright forget that conversation. If you see X street on the right, let me know, and if we miss it, we'll take the next street and find our way back."
As luck would have it, we stopped at a set of lights and I took the map, only to find she is reading it, not upside down, but on its side.:o
In the end I followed the map, AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN, and even after turning right at the correct lights, she is still telling me we should have turned left and gone the other way.:doh:
"Well...tell you what. When we get there, I'll go in and see the kids and you can go for a drive and find the right bloody place." :U
She called me a ****** know-all as we arrived at our destination, and I naturally accepted my victory, humbly....for the next hour or so....and a bit today as well. :Irule:
Put her out in the bush with a compass and map and she'll find her way anywhere with ease.

[HappyHammer]

Drive a ute, with a big metal rear end,

when you stop- they stop too, it's great.

or if you want to have a little fun with them keep your constant speed but flick your parkers ( during the day) on it makes the tail light go on and they think its the brakes and hit the picks. :U

Sometimes if your really in a playfull mood just slow down to a crawl everytime they get to close, they'll stop doing it, or they'll finally use the other lane or they might just freak out and try and kill you but hey, it's all fun and games.
I have a ute and I do all of that and a couple of others depending on my mood at the time.:U

HH.

[RufflyRustic]

Give me a map and I'll get us there, eventually..... :rolleyes: HWMNBO has been a real trouper this past week, putting up with me trying to read the map without turning it around, telling him we had to turn down there and it's ok, we'll take the next turn.....

We survived, didn't scrap too much, but best of all, we didn't have to go around a block 3 times to be able to get into the correct lane to get out of that area :D

[tea lady]

I don't do that slow-down-on-the-tailgater thing very often, 'cause it drives me nuts when my husband does it. I'm not usually in the fast lane pretending I'm a hoon. He reacons that cause he's going to turn right its OK to be there. I say he's not turning right for another five kms so what's he bloody doing.

Any way, so this one time I'm being tailgated on the freeway- I'm not even in the fast lane, in the second fast lane 'cause its quicker because all these guys who think they drive fast slow the traffic down - so I think "bloody b(&%$@#" and slow down in front of him, and the little truck in front of us blows a tyer. Billowing smoke, bits o' rubber flying everywhere.:oo: And if I hadn't slowed us down we would have been in the middle of it. I saved us all.:cool: But I didn't get to give this guy the s#!^$. He probably just thought I had ESP or something.:( Spoiled the whole effect.:~

[astrid]

Wendy,
I'ts a matter of principles that we turn the map upside down.:U

Astrid

[RufflyRustic]

Wendy,
I'ts a matter of principles that we turn the map upside down.:U

Astrid


Ah Ha! That must be why I persevere with not turning the map around :D:D:D

[Matt88s]

heh heh.

Here's another, though I don't do it since it's a bit over the line for me:

Busy morning traffic, you're behind the car stopped at the line at traffic lights. Driver is fiddling: checking the mobile, or putting on mascara, or reading an SMS, whatever.

So you rev up making like you're taking off, driver in front automatically starts to take off too without having checked the lights.

I saw a truck get fooled similar to this once. The turn lane beside them went green and started rolling forward. The guys in the truck, a big souped up thing, thought their light had turned green and made a tire squealing launch and shot right through the intersection on a red. :- Luckily they made it through without being hit or hitting anyone.

[wheelinround]

Matt88 almost did same thing first year driving route buses sitting in the right lane to turn left (need the swing to get out of the street. A Rolls was sitting in front of me Green arrow came up :doh: I hit the breaks just millimeters from his bumper good job he had thought the gren light was for him he had moved forward too. place icon of sweat rolling off me here

[woodcutta]

Such a simple solution - Cant understand why it hasnt been done befere:oo:

[tea lady]

:q:q:q:q:q:q(chorus line of raspberries)

[jow104]

Haven't got a GPS myself, but if you are reversing (quite common in English country lanes for a mile or so) does the GPS turns its map upside down.:rolleyes: