Jim Carroll
26th November 2007, 07:06 PM
THE DOG'S DIARY:
<tt>7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
</tt><tt>8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
</tt><tt>9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
</tt><tt>Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!</tt><tt>
2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!</tt><tt>3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
</tt><tt>4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
</tt><tt>6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favourite!</tt><tt>
7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!</tt><tt>
8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!</tt><tt>
9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!</tt><tt>
11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!</tt><tt>
THE CAT'S DIARY:</tt><tt>
Day 183 of my captivity...</tt><tt>My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.</tt> <tt>They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.</tt><tt>The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild </tt><tt>satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another </tt><tt>house plant.</tt>
<tt>
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their </tt>
<tt>feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at </tt><tt>the top of the stairs.</tt>
<tt>In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again </tt><tt>induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their </tt><tt>bed. </tt> <tt>Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an</tt>
<tt>attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike </tt><tt>fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a </tt><tt>good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.</tt>
<tt>There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in </tt> <tt>solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the </tt><tt>noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my </tt><tt>confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called </tt><tt>"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
</tt> <tt>I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The </tt><tt>dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is </tt><tt>obviously a half-wit.</tt><tt>The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with </tt><tt>them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his </tt><tt>current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can </tt><tt>wait.</tt><tt>It's only a matter of time...</tt>
<tt>7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
</tt><tt>8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
</tt><tt>9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
</tt><tt>Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!</tt><tt>
2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!</tt><tt>3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
</tt><tt>4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
</tt><tt>6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favourite!</tt><tt>
7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!</tt><tt>
8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!</tt><tt>
9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!</tt><tt>
11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!</tt><tt>
THE CAT'S DIARY:</tt><tt>
Day 183 of my captivity...</tt><tt>My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.</tt> <tt>They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.</tt><tt>The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild </tt><tt>satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another </tt><tt>house plant.</tt>
<tt>
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their </tt>
<tt>feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at </tt><tt>the top of the stairs.</tt>
<tt>In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again </tt><tt>induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their </tt><tt>bed. </tt> <tt>Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an</tt>
<tt>attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike </tt><tt>fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a </tt><tt>good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.</tt>
<tt>There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in </tt> <tt>solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the </tt><tt>noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my </tt><tt>confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called </tt><tt>"allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
</tt> <tt>I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The </tt><tt>dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is </tt><tt>obviously a half-wit.</tt><tt>The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with </tt><tt>them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his </tt><tt>current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can </tt><tt>wait.</tt><tt>It's only a matter of time...</tt>