How many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?

[Eastie]

1 to change the light bulb and 1 to post that the light bulb has been changed

---------------

4 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

2 (we, at least 1 :D) to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

5 to flame the spell checkers

8 to correct spelling/grammar flames

2 to accuse the above 8 of highjacking the thread

6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive

2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

7 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

1 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb fourm.

12 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

11 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

3 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

2 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

7 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"


4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

9 to say "do a Google search to find out the information"

1 new forum member to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

[silentC]

1 to post their 2 cents worth, sometimes with GST, even though the topic has already been covered from every conceivable angle by the preceding posts.

That's my 2 cents worth :p

[arose62]

and 1 to mention that their neighbour has just cut down a [jacaranda/cedar/cherry/maple/oak] tree, and ask if the wood is any good for making lightbulbs from.

[Sturdee]

and nobody queried what the underlying reason was for changing the light bulb in the first place.


Peter

[Sir Stinkalot]

2 Newbies to mention that they are long time viewers ... first time posters.

1 Person who feels that there are too many people reading about the light bulb and not enough sharing their views.

2 Saftey audits into the merits of changing your own light bulbs.

3 posts about the poor service they received at outlet X when trying to buy the new lightbulb.

2 post about how the small nan and par hardware stores sold better light bulbs before they were bought out by the large multinational X.

1 Crazy man who would rather fit the light bulb to his new cyclone.

3 people to post an inappropriately large image (that kills anybody with an internet connection slower than light speed) of a light bulb that they would recommend.

[q9]

1 idiot(moi?) to suggest you get a candle instead
3 to suggest which matches would complement the candle replacement
10 to denounce the candle idea as impracticle
1 idiot(again) to fiercely defend candles as being better than any bulb, just make sure your fire cover is up to date...

[oges]

1 person to wonder what all these people are smoking for even talking about light bulbs and why said people arent out doing something more productive :D

4 people to point out bad design in workshop for needing artificial light in first place, natural light is much better.

[Iain]

It's FORUM not FOURM as in original post, and I think the proper terminology is globe, covers a wider aspect including flash lights (thereby opening yet another can of worms).

[silentC]

Can anyone offer some advice on what I should look for in a light globe?

I've read on another forum that tungsten filaments burn brighter but don't last as long. In that case, would I be better to just up the wattage on a normal globe, or maybe even have two instead of one? And what's with this 'Edison Screw' business? All the lights (sorry, lamps) in my house are bayonet fittings. Do I need to upgrade, or should I just throw them all away and get candles as suggested previously.

What's a downlight?

Help, I'm so confused :confused:

[JackoH]

"Not that there's anything wrong with all of the above"!
.
(Are they opinions or views?):confused:

[colh]

but how many opinions and views have there been and is that an appropriate number for the subject matter?

[Sir Stinkalot]

Almost forgot to run a poll on light bulbs :D

[Sturdee]

what's with this 'Edison Screw' business? All the lights (sorry, lamps) in my house are bayonet fittings.


I have a mixture of both types of fittings, so the problem is multiplied.

What lamp or globe is it, do I have a right replacement or would it be better to change over the fittings.

Can anyone help?

Peter.

[goannadareyou]

If I use a downlight in my standard lamp (so it faces upwards) will the light still fall down?

please reply as I'm in the dark on this and would love someone to shed some light on the subject.

I don't know... maybe I'm a bit dim!

[silentC]

I used to have a problem with the light spilling out of my standard lamp no matter which way it was facing and falling all over my desk. I've read a few studies and inhaling photons is actually quite bad for your health. So I've built a downdraft desk which sucks all of the photons right off the desk and pumps out clean darkness through a couple of 3MMM .000000000001 micron filter panels. It makes it a bit difficult to turn the pages of the latest issue of Australian Globe Review when it's on but it's worth the inconvenience to protect my health.

[Eastie]

I tell you my patience is nearly at its' end with all this rubbishing of light, light bulbs, lamps, and tungsten filaments, as is the patience of many other forum members my tungsten filament crystal ball tells me.
I think you should say sorry.

[goannadareyou]

Uh! Oh! I sense trouble lumen

[DaveInOz]

YOU ARE ALL WRONG

here is the definate treatise on your so called 'globes'.

For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted
light. However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven
otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark.
Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker
theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the
existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of
light, and that dark is faster than light.

The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs
suck dark. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room
where you are. There is less dark right next to them than
there is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater
its capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot
have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As
with all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they
are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by
the black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a
primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You
will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black,
representing all the dark which has been sucked into it. If
you hold a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the
tip will turn black because it got in the path of the dark
flowing into the candle.

Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited
range. There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in
these can't handle all of the dark by themselves, and must be
aided by a dark storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full,
it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark
sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from
this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an
operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the
dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through glass. This
generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can be very dangerous
to touch an operating candle.
Dark is also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper,
you notice it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a
depth of approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness.
This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake
and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power of
dark can be utilised to mans advantage. We can collect the dark
that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through
turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the
ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was
much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and lakes to the
ocean. The Indians recognised this problem, and tried to solve
it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in the same direction
as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not to stop
the flow of dark, but when they travelled against the flow of
dark, they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its
way.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you
were to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark
closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the
light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast,
you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.

In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our
lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric
bulb remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.

*author unknown - net/email

[silentC]

DaveInOz, I don't know what you are on but I think I'd like to try it.

How come no-one has used the light bulb message icon yet?

[Eastie]

Becuase it's a dark sucker!

[arose62]

Hey, when I was down in Melbourne, I heard that Triton were about to release their new workshop light globe.

Seems that the orange light it emits:

1) makes Triton gear look even better
2) is less reflective off the wood dust which permeates most workshops
3) allows better calibration-by-eye operations
4) has a slight SWMBO-repellent effect
5) acts as a homing device to attract other Triton owners.

Cheers,
Andrew

[silentC]

And if you purchase the optional electro-magnetic tunnel attachment you can use it in conjunction with an ordinary table lamp to make your own particle accelerator.

[Eastie]

Oh, I forgot to mention ... this has gone on for long enough, Shane//U/Beaut/Neil/Andrew/Stuart please lock this thread...

[craigb]

Arose,

Surely you went out to the factory and bought one of the returns/seconds instead of paying full freight!

[macca2]

"In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said 'Let there be light,' and there was still nothing, but you could see it."

Macca

[JohnM]

Silent C, get rid of the darkness filters, they will still allow a dangerous amount of darkness into your workshop. You need a CYCLONE.:D

[DavidG]

None:
It is a hardware problem. Call an electrician.

[Neal]

Hey DaveinOz i just proved your theory right , went out to the shed and had a bright idea , found an old torch turned it on and shed lights off drilled a hole in the bulb guess what all the dark came out.

[DaveInOz]

LOL :D
A well considered and masterfully executed experiment.

[rob_tassie]

12 guys to hijack the discussion line and try to turn it to their own totally unconnected ends and one pedantic twit to try (probably unsuccessfully to revive a long dead subject:D

[Eastie]

One part of the theory eluded me for a while – that is once the hard wired dark sucker sucked up the dark where did it go? Now before anyone jumps in and says “to the power stations of course”, where do you suppose they put it?
I thought for a while that they somehow use coal to store the darkness and once totally full of dark the properties change somewhat and it then becomes coke (the dark rock type, not the liquid form)– however in terms of the physics and chemistry this is just silly.
What I believe is the power stations store it up in large chimneys and stacks (or reactor vessels) and let it out at night. If the chimneys fill up before it gets time to let it out they somehow transfer some of it to the bottom of deep ponds they have at such stations. The reason for this is very scientific, but simply put I speculate that if they didn’t let the dark out there would be nothing for light to travel into, and the universe might not expand at the same speed, or may even collapse in on itself. Who knows what this could do?

[silentC]

Prior to Sir Isaac Newton and others it was widely believed that one could 'see' by means of a ray which was emitted from the eye and extended out to the object that was being seen.

In fact we now believe the opposite to be true; light travels into the eye after being reflected from the object. The problem is, once the light has entered the eye, where does it go?

If you look at a pupil, you will see that it is black. Now as we all know, black is the absence of light. This means two things: one, that no light escapes the eye, and two, that the eye is full of darkness. So where does the light go?

Perhaps the answer is that it is not light that enters the eye but darkness. Everyone has experienced the phenomenom whereby they open their eyes at night and cannot see a thing but ever so gradually objects begin to reveal themselves. My theory is that this occurs because your eyes are gradually drawing the darkness away. If you left your eyes open long enough, say a few hours, eventually you will be able to see as clear as day. Of course we never get to prove this because the nights are never long enough.

If this was the case though, if you were to enclose yourself in a sealed box, why does your vision not improve no matter how long you sit with your eyes open? The answer to this is that you have sealed yourself in a light tight chamber into which no light can penetrate, no matter how hard you attempt to remove the darkness. As your eye sucks in the dark, no light can rush in to fill the void and so you are left with nothing.

It follows that if everyone in the world kept their eyes open all the time, we would never need light globes anyway.

[craigb]

I thought Shroedinger's cat was in the sealed box ??!!

[Sturdee]

[QUOTE][What I believe is the power stations store it up in large chimneys and stacks (or reactor vessels) and let it out at night. If the chimneys fill up before it gets time to let it out ......[QUOTE]

I presume that if they have an accident and let it out early we have an eclipse?


Peter.

[Neal]

SilentC


If you look at a pupil, you will see that it is black. Now as we all know, black is the absence of light. This means two things: one, that no light escapes the eye, and two, that the eye is full of darkness. So where does the light go?

I will give you a clue' the sun shines out of mine' .:D

Neal

[trevorZ]

The sun is the biggest dark sucker, you only have to look at the lack of dark during the day, so anyone who has the sun shining out of their
ar#e must really be full of the dark stuff.

[Caliban]

forgive me if I digress (regress?)but no one seems to have bothered to mention the psychologist's view that the lightglobe would
1.admit that it had a problem, and
2.want to be changed
hope this doesn't open up any further cans of worms.

[q9]

Did someone mention Shroedinger's cat?

[DaveInOz]

Shroedinger's cat is dead .... I looked.

My theory is that the cats eyes had, over the decades sucked the limited dark in the closed box to such an extent as to cause a 'dark vacume'. While localised to the 'thought box' it acted in the same way as its larger cousin the black hole (which sucks dark at such a rate that you can't actually ever see it as it is surrounded by high speed dark), thus on opening the box the dark rushed in to fill the vacume at such a rate that it caused nuclear fusion, and unfortunatly the cat went supernova.

[silentC]

Apparently, if you strap two cats back to back and then drop them from a height, they will plummet to a point about a metre above the ground and then start spinning at great speed as each tries to land feet first. This causes them to hover just above the ground indefinitely.

Someone tried to develop this theory into a perpetual motion machine but was arrested by the RSPCA.

The same thing works with one cat that has a slice of buttered toast glued to it's back.

It doesn't matter whether or not the cats' eyes are open.

[Eastie]

The buttered hovering cat theory works even better when you lather the cat's back with jam or vegemite and drop it over white carpet. The inherent physical nature of the cat landing on it's feet is equally opposed by the inherent nature of the lathered side being attracted to make contact with said white carpet. Sort of follows the rule that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The cat will basically spin until it cleans itself.

I'm not sure if it has to have it's eyes open or what this has to do with the changing of light bulbs though :confused:

[silentC]

Eastie,

I'm not sure either but it proves one thing: some of us have too much time on our hands :D

[craigb]

I think that what it proves is that there sre some champion bullshitters on this board (and I mean that in the nicest possible way) :D

[silentC]

Its one of my job requirements ;)

[DaveInOz]

Its my favorite hobby, I'd rather spin a line of than play with wood.

lucky the question wasn't how many to screw in a light globe ... the answers two, the problem is getting them in there :eek:

[Zed]

I think your all a bit dim.

[Sturdee]

but it is better being dim than dumb.


Peter.

[Zed]

watt did you say ?

:-)

[Sturdee]

Ohm, Ohm and Ohm


Peter

[silentC]

I had a science teacher - Mr Brown - who, when one of us made a dubious statement, would retort "What, what, what? Three watts, not very bright!" which sounds like a Spike Milligan-ism to me.

Turns out his brother ended up being the "Warren" who draws the cartoons for the Daily Telegraph (Sydney paper for you non-New South Welshmen), which goes to show that wit does run in the family.

[JackoH]

runs in some too!:mad:

[journeyman Mick]

Look, it's a bit off topic now (might not have have been earlier) but I've just cut down a large light bulb tree. Does anyone know if the timber is any good? Here's a picture of a very young light bulb tree:http://www.enisen.com/images/Light%20bulb%20tree.jpg


Mick

[Neal]

Mick dont know if it is the same species as the bulb trees we have planted around our steets they seem to be very tall and straight with only one branch and bulb at the top as for turning etc maybe do a search on Energex.
Hope that sheds some more light on the subject for you.


Neal :D

[Iain]

Does emit dark or light?
Is the natural hue a compromise between the two?
I am only conversant with the natural boquet and SWMBO's tantrums when said element is transferred to carpet via boot.

[JackoH]

In your case Iain, it's Horse !:D

[Neal]

Iain IMHO i reckon a compromise because of the two types of ie eyes wide open faint hint of a smile 'Wayne your cyclone really sucks' so there is light hearted banter sucking in heaps of light . Then you go to the squinting slit eyed vein popping teeth clenched whisper (then you know the real is about to flow) 'who tramped that horseshit all through the house' , note the eyes again no light is going to get in there , so you mix the two together usually 50/50 and you get your compromise hence the 'natural hue'.

Neal

[Iain]

Too true John, factor of six at the moment.
Bonus, more solid than bull and a source of cheap feed for Corgi who thinks it's delicious (just watch out for the face lick that follows).

[Jeff]

Further research has revealed that the light sucker theory is in fact codependant upon a planetary rotation/rhytmic factorization previously uncalculated, as it was unpostulated and unsuspected. In reality, light suckers are actually bihabitual suckers/emitters, and in fact spend a large portion of their existence emitting darkness, as well as sucking. It has to do with two primary factors, one in correlation to an energy input/output factorization, the second, hold on to your hats folks, a global positioning factor, i.e. North/South positioning in regard to the Equator. The latter is much like the flow of water down a drain, being counter to the flow of the water on the opposite side of the equator. The reality of bulbs emitting darkness was, I believe, hinted at by Schroedinger, under the guise of his well known "cat in the box" trick. Had he really had the courage to present his real hypothesis, just think of what we could have accomplished by now. Even Einstein, in his theory of relativity, took the easy way out and said that photons are affected by gravity, but we now know that really they are just pushed around by darkness.

I highly reccomend anyone attempting to change a lightbulb be certain to wear proper safety gear, as reading this forum has presented the reality that such an operation can really suck, and may even suck the dark sh.. right out of anyone not properly prepared.

[Zed]

so, nothing to illuminate your interest for you lot to comment on on other parts of the board huh ???? huh ?
:D