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weisyboy
30th August 2007, 08:56 PM
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=2 width=468 bgColor=#ffdcb0 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top align=left width=468>40 Things You'd Like to Say Out Loud at Work</TD></TR><TR><TD width=468 height=5></TD></TR><TR><TD vAlign=top align=left width=468>1 I can see your point, but I still think you're full of sh*t.

2 I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3 How about never? Is never good for you?

4 I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5 I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6 I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7 I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8 I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9 It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.

10 Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

11 I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12 You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13 I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

14 I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15 I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16 Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17 The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18 Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19 What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20 I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21 It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22 Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23 And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24 Do I look like a people person?

25 This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26 I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

27 Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28 If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29 Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30 Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31 I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32 A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33 Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34 Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35 Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36 Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done.

37 How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38 I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted a salary.

39 Oh I get it... like humour... but different.
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Calm
30th August 2007, 09:09 PM
40 Everyone is entitled to their opinion and if is not the same as mine its wrong.

Ashore
30th August 2007, 09:19 PM
I just won a $10 million lotto draw good by:D

bsrlee
31st August 2007, 09:11 PM
I think Ashore wins! :2tsup: :2tsup: :2tsup: :2tsup:

One that really was said in the workplace, to a 'customer' - "You obviously mistake me for someone who cares".

mic-d
31st August 2007, 09:25 PM
I'd like to have a battle of wits with you, but I'd never fight an unarmed person.

Cheers
Michael

AlexS
31st August 2007, 09:34 PM
One of the best I've heard, by a young (but very smart) lady, to a boss who specialised in waffling on but not actually saying anything:
"Could you tell me what you just said."

rrich
4th September 2007, 11:01 AM
I actually said this to my jerk of a boss.

Me: "Some of the blokes are talking about bringing in a union."
Boss: "What do you think a union would do for you?"
Me: "Protect us from people like you."

End of conversation.