Inoperable

[ohno]

Hey guys.
Iam in a wee spot of bother :rolleyes:
For those who followed it, it ais a continuation of things i've explained in this thread here.
http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/showthread.php?t=48847

More recently i have just had another brain turn up on a scan. I went in for surgery on the 18th but they found that it had become too solid and invasive to remove much safely. They decided to keep the bits that "make me me" (as they put it) and iam glad they did. :2tsup:

I've recovered well but they could only remove about 60% and it will probably come back fast. I iam doing a new form of chemotherapy but obviously things depend on how fast it comes back and whether it responds to the chemo.

The prognosis is not good but for the moment iam relatively healthy and have several major sculpture projects that i want to get done and would be very happy to leave them as a legacy. I have fantastic support aroundme to do so, all the resources, no guilt from working full time on these things and some great ideas (i think so anyway:rolleyes: ) to do.

Really. its a fantastic point in my life as hard as that might sound. Free reign to be me. :2tsup:

Ben

[Gra]

Ben

My offer still stands.. Good luck and keep us posted.

[Bleedin Thumb]

Its good to hear that in spite of whats happening to you physically that you have a creative outlet that you're enjoying - Good stuff Ben and I hope that you continue to get as much enjoyment out of it for as long as you can.:2tsup:

[DJ’s Timber]

Great to hear about your positive outlook inspite of what's happening to you :2tsup:

If you need help with anything, moving timber around or picking stuff up or just want a chat, give us a PM as I am in the area often.

[RufflyRustic]

Bugger! Crossing fingers and toes and doing everything like that in hopes it doesn't come back as fast, or come back at all.

Wendy

[echnidna]

I hope all turns out good for you Ben

[ohno]

Thanks guys. Things dont look good but, you do never know. Prepare for the worst but dont discount the fact that some things will always be unknown.

[kekemo]

You don't know me...but I lost my darling husband to Cancer...it was oh so quick...with in 3 weeks he could not talk or walk.........I loved him so much...
I am sitting here in tears writing to you...wishing I could be a friend just to visit... I do not understand life...we are given such a wonderous gift of being able to love & care.... why does it have to hurt so much to say farewell to our loved one...I understand what you mean by a legacy that is why I make my furniture so my children, will always have something to remember me by.... I call my furniture a living heirloom, stuff they need now but will last a hundred years... I exist from day to day... but I am not really living anymore....my heart & soul left with Ed... if I could change places with my Ed I would....I am sure he would cope better alone than I am....sorry I have to go.. my understanding & concern for you are heartfelt...you sound strong in spirit & I wish every possibility available to you, my tears will not help you, but your strength helps me....as Ed was unable to speak or move I am sure his thoughts were strong & resolved...as yours sound...
my love for you & your family are extended...Kerry Kelly-Moroney

you might like to see our link..
http://Groups.msn.com/WOODWORKCountryCottage

[scooter]

Thinking of you Ben. Looking forward to seeing those sculptures. :)


Cheers...................Sean

[wheelinround]

Ben hangin there

[ohno]

Looking forward to seeing those sculptures. :)


Yeah me too:D

[Rossluck]

After reading your story, Ben, I just want you to know I'll be thinking about you, wondering how you are going and so on. My brother's going through the early stages of a cancer diagnosis (prostate).

You sound strong.

[Andy Mac]

Hi Ben,
You are doing us all a favour being so open and upbeat about this. I can imagine the sculptures will be a source of strength for you. Please post pics as you go, if you can manage it. I for one would love to see the journey and the results from such a focused project.

All the best:)

[ohno]

Hi Ben,
You are doing us all a favour being so open and upbeat about this. I can imagine the sculptures will be a source of strength for you. Please post pics as you go, if you can manage it. I for one would love to see the journey and the results from such a focused project.

All the best:)

For the first time in my life i will be documenting these pieces. I've been of the school of "Ill show people only if i dont stuff up":D

But if your going to commit, times like this would be a hell of a good time to do so. :D

[ohno]

One of these projects will be from a wooden beam of cypress or pine and will be relatively simple. Its intended to be piece that i will offer to donate to the Austin Hospitials Radiotherapy department as a token of my appreciation at the care they gave me during treatment in 2005.
I havent yet worked out the exaact details but hopefully will soon just to have a project to work on. Carving, sun, coffee, birds, bliss:U

The other is extremely complicated and is almost an engineering feat in itself so its requiring a lot of preplanning.

i have a natural featured, partly rotten desert ironwood stump which will be partially carved and be sitting reccessed within a carved piece of Cararra marble that has been sitting in my garden for the last 2 years. This block has been taunting me constantly.:rolleyes:

The pure white colour says to me that it needs to be human/figurative but the block is an awkward size to resolve a form in. :no:


A while back i had a magical moment where a combination of several possible solutions to both puzzles came together in a way that tied so many things together and gave me a more physical sense of how i might make a marble sculpture with an inset wooden piece.

I know enough now to start doing mock ups and clay work and work out what exactly is possible.:oo:

You better believe iam going to document this one:D

[K_S]

Impressed by your attitude - sincerely hope it helps in your recovery. Your attitude deserves reward

[ohno]

Impressed by your attitude - sincerely hope it helps in your recovery. Your attitude deserves reward

Thank you. :D
This kind of attitude IS its own reward.

Oh dear, i appear to have sat down in the Zen chair.:rolleyes:

it is true though.

[namtrak]

I hope this all pans out for you buddy

[AlexS]

Ben, your positive outlook and approach to life are a great example to us all.

Looking forward to seeing your sculptures - please do a WIP if you can.

Hope all goes well.

[routermaniac]

Very moving post, the best of wishes to you and your family.

[ptc]

summer is coming.

[Sebastiaan56]

I just wish for the same presence when I have to face life's travails, keep that Zen chair warm and share some more,

Sebastiaan

[ohno]

I just wish for the same presence when I have to face life's travails, keep that Zen chair warm and share some more,

Sebastiaan

There are things you can do. The key is to try and create a balanced mind. I have spent most of my life trying to achieve this through numerous methods. I have made good distance but you can never rest on your laurels:D

There are infinite techniques. Meditations, martial art forms,
carving a piece of wood in the sunshine:D, etc etc the list is endless and each possible method is no more or no less valid than another. They are just tools.

The goal is a focused yet relaxed mind. Simply living in the moment. Easy to say, hard to achieve. Until you do it:rolleyes:

To actually call this "Zen" unfortunately tends to raise more questions than it answers. :rolleyes:
There is a wonderful series of Zen books illustrated by a great friend of mine who passed away a month or so back.
They are mindful of the wordless nature of Zen and are more useful in explaining what Zen isnt than what is is. Its not a religion, its a mindset more than anything. It is a concept that can be embraced by Christians, Jews and Buddhists alike.

http://www.accesstoexcellence.co.uk/html/zen_questions.html
http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Reflections-Robert-Allen/dp/1586637118

"Chop wood, carry water"-Zen saying
"Zen chair swivvels"-OHNO trying to be needlessly mysterious. :roll:

[Cliff Rogers]

... "Zen chair swivvels"
Enjoy the ride, don't make yourself dizzy on that chair. :2tsup:

[ohno]

Because i have a few very clear projects i wont to get done i have realised a nice little outlet.

I used to work a a jewellery designer and run a workshop in the city. I used to do all the stone purchasing from various merchants.

often these shops stock all ssort of exotic things, Fossils, rare crystal formations, meteoric glass, insects in amber, ancient trinkets, the list is endless.
Me been me i am intrigued by these things and constantly wondering if i can use them to make something with:rolleyes:.
After the last surgery i went shopping and bought a few things that appealed to me to give to friends and family as gifts. People who know me, know that these sort of things tease me so hopefully theres a sense of me attached to each of these gifts. And to give these things away with no compulsion to "make" something from them is a wonderful release.:D

The other week i commissioned the Shakuhaci (Japenese Flute) maker David Brown to make me a flute. I have been making crappy versions for a few years now but i have realised that the only way i could make a proper one would be to work closely with a pro. Given my situation, my prioties lie elsewhere.
The craftsman in me resented the idea of getting someone else to make one but i solved the issue. I selected what i thought would be a perfect piece of fiddleback redgum with natural features from my favorites plus some others and went and had a talk with David. I took some of my sculptures as well and he gave me the sense he understood where iam coming from.
I showed him some of the wood i had brought and when he saw my fave, he exclaimed "oh my god". He could see the flute within:D
Marvelous. Plus theres the sense of giving away something special to me without guilt.:p

[ohno]

I had to write that last piece to make more sense of this post:rolleyes:

Talking of woods with David, he mentioned Camphor Laurel. I had a momentry thought "mmm i wish i'd had a chance to do some work with that wood":D

Today i happened to find a small Camphor bowl in an opshop for $3 and thought it'd be a perfect gift for my mother. It could do with a little bit of sanding. :2tsup:

Two birds with one stone:D

[Cliff Rogers]

Geeze Ohno, if you keep this up, you are going to have to change your Title from Sarcastic to Philosophic

[ohno]

Geeze Ohno, if you keep this up, you are going to have to change your Title from Sarcastic to Philosophic

"Contemplative" gets to the nub of it for me. How do i change it again?:rolleyes:


A sense of humour is an important thing though. A playful sense of absurdity balanced with a a kind of upmost seriousness in everything as well. Its the minds best position to deal with the chaotic nature of the world.

Its Very much a Zen concept and often why any discusision into the subject of the nature of Zen often becomes twisty, turny, glassy eyed and quite often downright wanky:rolleyes:.

Thats why i recommend those books highly They dont try and tell you what it "Is" but what it isnt. "no thats just been pointlessly silly" they might say to some example.

[ohno]

To recap for those who just tuned in :D

1 -I have been living with cancer for over three years now

2 -MOst of my life i have spent an emourmous amount of time an effort trying to improve and balance my mind and try and achieve a kind of happiness and a peaceful existance with my long long compulsion to create great "Art":rolleyes:

3-it has not been easy and it has only been relatively recently that i have finally reached a good balance and am produce artworks that i am truely happy with. Its nice to see a lot of hard work and anguish has paid off somewhat

4-After 3 brain tumour removals over the years the cancer has progress ed to the point where it is inoperable and chemotherapy may or may not be able to save me.


5- Given the nature of the cancer, it is quite likely to progress rapidly in a matter of mere months.

6- as of the moment iam "ok" and able to work on a few complex sculptral pieces which, if i manage to get them half right, i will be very happy to leave as a legacy.

7- so i have free reign to really be me and honestly its great.

8-I am quite happy to talk about my health situation and these other concepts, but iam probably only so openly comfortable discussing discussing thngs like Zen here because of my situation. Make what you will.

9 i also carve wood:D
http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/showthread.php?t=32707

Thats enough pillowsoftiKal guff from me for now. Whats the point in having a cushy, swivelly chair if use just sit and swivel?. Things dont get done unless you spend the time they take to do right.

A few smaller projects should be done soon and there will certainly be pics:2tsup:

Ben

[Cliff Rogers]

Go get 'e Ben, make the chips fly. :2tsup:

[reeves]

great to see you have a positive attitude despite yr obvious difficulties. I wish you all the best mate.

Never give up, lots of antioxidants, blueberry juice and goji berries, get out bush and enjoy life, i hope it works out better than expected.

cheers
john

[Sebastiaan56]

There are things you can do. The key is to try and create a balanced mind. I have spent most of my life trying to achieve this through numerous methods. I have made good distance but you can never rest on your laurels:D

There are infinite techniques. Meditations, martial art forms,
carving a piece of wood in the sunshine:D, etc etc the list is endless and each possible method is no more or no less valid than another. They are just tools.

The goal is a focused yet relaxed mind. Simply living in the moment. Easy to say, hard to achieve. Until you do it:rolleyes:

To actually call this "Zen" unfortunately tends to raise more questions than it answers. :rolleyes:
There is a wonderful series of Zen books illustrated by a great friend of mine who passed away a month or so back.
They are mindful of the wordless nature of Zen and are more useful in explaining what Zen isnt than what is is. Its not a religion, its a mindset more than anything. It is a concept that can be embraced by Christians, Jews and Buddhists alike.

http://www.accesstoexcellence.co.uk/html/zen_questions.html
http://www.amazon.com/Zen-Reflections-Robert-Allen/dp/1586637118

"Chop wood, carry water"-Zen saying
"Zen chair swivvels"-OHNO trying to be needlessly mysterious. :roll:

Ive been practising for a couple of decades, started in TM, floated into Zen, Vipassana and have finally hit the ground in Dzogchen, I thought I could smell mindfullness in your post!. Its so inspiring to see your practise bearing fruit, my dad practised and taught yoga for 35 years, he alas has not made the progress he desired. Your magic line to me is "no guilt"

Yes, mind is rootless, essenceless, all pervading, all accomplishing and totally serene.

Sebastiaan

[ohno]

Ive been practising for a couple of decades, started in TM, floated into Zen, Vipassana and have finally hit the ground in Dzogchen, I thought I could smell mindfullness in your post!. Its so inspiring to see your practise bearing fruit, my dad practised and taught yoga for 35 years, he alas has not made the progress he desired. Your magic line to me is "no guilt"

Yes, mind is rootless, essenceless, all pervading, all accomplishing and totally serene.

Sebastiaan

I wasnt expecting any sort of response to some of these post but its great to have have one.

Like i said, having made good progress towards creating a "balanced" mind is its own reward but to realise that i have achieved much at a relatively young age is nice to realise:).

Therein lies a bit of a trap though. It could be easy to become too proud etc and complacent etc. Watch yourself Ben.:roll:

I am prone to pride and arrogance and i detest the idea of people seeing me as "born again". :rolleyes:
What i am is the culmination of a lifetimes' conscious struggle and toil. But when i was initially sick but undiagnosed with a brain tumour, everything i had work for kind of simply came together.

I was getting major headaches, progressively worse for around 3 months. For around 2 months i was awake for around 20 hours a day, in pain. Looking back i realised that the whole time i was living in a constant state of meditation. Not "escapism" or anything, but simply "living" in the moment.:rolleyes:. On the 25th May 2004 (i know coz it's my best mates birthday) I was lying in front of a heater in my studio with a massive migraine/headache, when everything thing became "simple". Profoundly simple. Words cannot explain properly but perhaps smilies might.
:o :oo: :no: :doh: :! :rolleyes:
I take comfort in the fact that this happened before i was actually diagnosed and has not left me.




Theres irony involved too because i've always carried a sense of guilt that I never had the "discipline" to stick at any form of traditional "meditation" like simply concentraing on your breathing.. You know, what your "supposed" to do!.Ohhhhmmmmm

I realise now that a lifetimes near autistic devotion of making "art", objects, thousands of different sorts of things really. Writing, painting, drawing, sculpture, jewelery design, graphic design, writing music and more HAS been a life of discipline
I certainly sacrificed a lot of social my life but got a lot done. I think of my life as being quite monk like.

[rgum]

Hey Ben. I'm reeling a little to hear of your dilema. :no:
Your spirit is great. For you... and others to see. :2tsup:

And I'm with DJ. If ya need a little help, pm me.
I'm Prahran all the time. Trailer when you need.
Get some pics up of your work too. Or WIP.

Cheers Tony. :2tsup:

[pawnhead]

You’re an inspiration to us all.

The human spirit is an amazing thing and I thank you for teaching a silly old bugger a lesson in life.

Keep the spirit. Keep fighting. Keep carving. And keep posting. :2tsup:

[ohno]

Just one thing i thought i'd say about this "ZEN" stuff in an attempt to deemphasize the importance of it:rolleyes:

It is only in reletively recent years that i read that series of Zen books. All that happened was that quite often, point after point i would read something and think to myself "i know that". or "i do that" and "surely that makes sense to be doing anyway".

SO it left me thinking. "OH. So iam a Zen...??? 'student/practitioner'("too unwieldy to say"), Zen master?(no way could i call myself that with a straight face :no: . Iam not.

So Having a label for it turned out to be more trouble then keeping quite. BUt i do try....:roll:

[Cliff Rogers]

G'day Ben.

We haven't heard form you for a while, how are things going?