Where do pencils go?

[DavidG]

You swipe er borrow some pencils from the kids.
Place them on the work bench.
Do some work and reach for a pencil.
They are all gone.

Nobody has been near the workshop but the pencils can not be found.

Do pencils :
-- Transfom in to some other entity?
-- Slip into another dimension?
-- Evolve into a higher life form?
-- Dematerialize?

Where do they go?????????????

[DaveInOz]

They are used by the one sock from each pair that goes missing in the wash.
Scientists that study the place the socks go (the sockosphere) speculate that the workshop pencils may act as a tool to allow the socks to overcome the initial momentum requirments needed to enter the sockosphere, much like a mini pole used by a pole vaulter. (...mmmmmm..... tatiana)

[Sir Stinkalot]

Don’t they get used for paint stirrers, and then when the paint dries they no longer fit into the sharpener, so they get flung across the garage never to be seen again? Or is that just me?

[Rowan]

You sure the lead in your pencil didnt go soft and just soak into your workbench??:D

[arose62]

The high carbon content of the "lead", in its typical long, thin configuration acts as an electrical conductor, and creates a distinct polarisation between the two ends.

This is susceptible to activation by alternating application of static electricity (as produced by rubbing, buffing, sanding, polishing etc. motions) and EMF (output by typical electric motors).

The triggering seems to be caused by causing the activated pencil to rotate across lines of a low-strength large-size magnetic field (supplied courtesy of the Earth). A pencil is typically used in a predominantly upright position, then rotated 90 degrees to be laid down in a horizontal orientation. This is enough to initiate a gradual release of the accumulated stressors, causing a gradual phase shift into the aforementioned sockoverse.

The "pole-vaulter" theory, whilst lauded in it's day, is now widely regarded as somewhat simplistic. The new theory explains why pencils stored upright (eg: in pockets, or pencil holders) don't seem to vanish with anything like the frequency of pencils laid down on a bench.

Cheers,
Andrew

[oges]

I usually find its not just the pencils, anytime I go to the shed to find something I can never find it without a good search. If im not needing it it can be found quite easily!

Then again it could be that my shed is messy and unorganised or a case of the C-Nile virus.

[Wood Borer]

I suspect SWMBO goes into my workshop when I am at work and "tidies up" or puts things away "in a safe place".

It doesn't explain the missing pencils when I am in the shed though. The C-Nile virus might also have some influence. Does it affect people under 50 yrs old (not IQ).

- Wood Borer

[AlexS]

They're in my pencil box, mate!

[oges]

with that many pencils scattered around the shed you'd be bound to find one of them!

C-Nile virus can affect any age I think Wood Borer :p

[Kerf]

All you ever wanted to know about pencils is on the Pencil Pages http://www.pencilpages.com/
and in the book "The Pencil" by Henry Petroski

... except where they disappear to.

[Keith Jeeves]

I thought it was only me.

I buy the 12 packs of pencils from the supermarket and have half a dozen or so at each machine in the shop plus a couple of hundred scattered around.

Still can't find one when I need one.

The place is full of socks though.

[Iain]

For me the answer is simple, I cannot find my pencils so I go out and buy a pack, take one out and put the rest in the drawer next to the ones I couldn't find.
Next week, repeat scenario.....
Now what about the bloody knife I can't find to sharpen the missing pencils......

[journeyman Mick]

All you pencil losers need to start wearing nail bags or sawyers aprons with a pencil pocket!

Mick

[fxst]

WAT!!!!!!!!!!!! and lose a nailbag too??

[soundman]

I am sure you must all be a bunch of T shirt wearers.

thats what pockets are for.

how are people suposed to know that you are a wood geek without a square pencil fixed about your body.

Propper wood geeks should not be seen with a square pencil behind the ear as you might be mistaken for a fruiterer on his day off.

[journeyman Mick]

Actually I find that if I put them in my pockets or socks (another favourite pencil stash in a few workshops I've worked in) I lose them, or at least they end up on the laundry floor. Even in the workshop I've just got to have my nailbag on, I'm just lost without it, I keep a pretty good selection of gear in it. When I was foreman in a big cabinet shop a few years ago the apprentices (there were ten of them) were forever losing and then pinching pencils from each other. I used to swing by the casino or one of the clubs everytime I was in town and go to the lounge area. They had pencils there for the Keno and I'd swipe a few handfuls of them to hand out back at work. So if your a chronic pencil loser top up your supply the cheap way. The pencils are only little stubby ones but you'll lose it before you wear it out anyway!

Mick

[Robert WA]

All the missing pencils end up in polling booths at election time so that you can write the digits 1 - 310 on the Senate ballot paper. It is a well known fact that electoral officers spend the 6 months prior to an election raiding workshops to steal pencils.
The answer is ---- steal them back at the next election. Enrolling as an elector in all 6 States and both Territories ensures that you will have 9 opportunities, at least, in every 4 year period to replenish your supply.
As to missing socks --- if you always buy the same brand and colour then you won't notice.

[oges]

and your own jet to get around to all the states :rolleyes:

[Caliban]

Its not only pencils, its anything I'm trying to use. The more recently I used it the less chance of finding it. Thats why its handy that body parts are permanently attached.

[pedro the swift]

My theory of missing parts (pencils, screws, nuts misc. items).
They are taken into another dimension by interdensional gremlins. These gremlins hang about just waiting for someone to drop a screw or other vital small part and then whip it into their demension to use for what ever nefarious purpose.
When they are finished with they will usually return it ti its original place of drop. This however can take any length of time since, as Einstein said tiem is relative. So they may have had said part for eons but return it in seconds in our time.
How many times have you dropped a part, heard/saw it fall, watched it come to rest on the floor then turned away for a second to put down whatever you were doing, go to retrieve the missing part, never to see it again. Or you will search in all directions because you "know" it fell there but cant find it.
Only for said part to turn up after you have given up looking and gone to get a replacement.
Thats the gremlins for you. Beware of them.

[Ashore]

Nah the pencils are coated in chameleon paint so that they blend in with whatever you place them on (and then have to buy more, a plot by the pencil makers ) this is why when you have bought another pencil the original one feels safe stops trying to blend in, you look down and there on the bench in plane view is that pencil that wasn't there 5 minutes ago.:rolleyes:

[Auzzie turner]

My theory of missing parts (pencils, screws, nuts misc. items).
They are taken into another dimension by interdensional gremlins. These gremlins hang about just waiting for someone to drop a screw or other vital small part and then whip it into their demension to use for what ever nefarious purpose.
When they are finished with they will usually return it ti its original place of drop. This however can take any length of time since, as Einstein said tiem is relative. So they may have had said part for eons but return it in seconds in our time.
How many times have you dropped a part, heard/saw it fall, watched it come to rest on the floor then turned away for a second to put down whatever you were doing, go to retrieve the missing part, never to see it again. Or you will search in all directions because you "know" it fell there but cant find it.
Only for said part to turn up after you have given up looking and gone to get a replacement.
Thats the gremlins for you. Beware of them.
This thread was started 3 years ago, please do not bring up threads from this old, it messes up the forums, stick with threads within the past month,

Joash

[Rossluck]

There's only one thing worse than losing pencils: being the type of person who doesn't.

I'm a proud pencil, wallet, sunglasses and keys loser, come to think of it, I'm an all round loser. But I'd rather be a loser than one of those pedantic, retentive, slow, over-fussy dodderers who never lose anything. You know the ones, when you bump your head on some low overhang or something, they knowingly say: "You should have ducked".

Like Principal Skinner on the Simpsons. He'd never lose a pencil.

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

I'd say Joash doesn't lose pencils either. :rolleyes:

Otherwise he'd understand that this is the sort of thread that is timeless... and just as relevant today as 'twas three or a hundred years ago. Hell, it'll still be relevant a century or two from now, so long as you substitute "digital laser stylus" or "pointy stick" for the word "pencil." (Depending on which way you believe the future is heading. ;))

[tameriska]

Havn't you heard of the Borrowers, a family of tiny people, just a few inches high, who live under the floorboards, they exist by "borrowing" scraps and oddments from the house above. I reckon that they are responsible for most of the things that we cant find, or that are misplaced. :D

[Ashore]

I'd say Joash doesn't lose pencils either. :rolleyes:

Otherwise he'd understand that this is the sort of thread that is timeless... and just as relevant today as 'twas three or a hundred years ago. Hell, it'll still be relevant a century or two from now, so long as you substitute "digital laser stylus" or "pointy stick" for the word "pencil." (Depending on which way you believe the future is heading. ;))

Glad I went and washed the car and had a beer , you said it much better that I would have. :eek:

[thetassiebfg]

Since this thread has been pulled through the transdimensional time and space inhibitors I will add the definitive word on the subject.. A lot of the comments on this thread have been accurate to a point and some have just been totally absurd..the mere thought that they have been placed in an area that you did not investigate thoroughly enough (Iain, July 2003) is a blatant and preposterous argument to say the least and the idea they have suffered the fate of being used as a paint stirrer (Ashore, Oct 2006) or similar then disposed of is plainly ludicrous ..

The one thing no one on this thread has talked about is the fact that pencils are a living entity.. most people choose to ignore this as no one really wishes to acknowledge that they are responible for the enslavement of intelligent life forms, even those organisations that ostensibly claim to protect these creatures such as the R.S.P.C.A, W,W,F and others choose to ignore the plight of what is arguably the most intelligent form of life known to man.. the fact that they are smarter than us may be the cause of this..

Tell me where you think pencils come from.... I assume you will be telling me that they are made from dead trees and strange forms of carbon.. How deluded you are and yet you know not..

Pencils can be found in the wild in most areas of the world. Why haven't you seen them. It is predominantly due to our predatory ways they are now so afraid of humans they have become adept at hiding from us.

Pencils are captured (although large stationary corporations have had secret captive breeding programs operating since the 1600's so no longer harvest from the wild). The pencils are captured at a time of metamorphosis when their outer shell hardens. At this point they are immersed in chemicals that slow down the process of change. They then suffer the indignity of being embossed with company logos and other markings then sold.

Some pencils have developed a resistance to this chemical compound whilst others are left lying about for too long and so are able to continue with their process of change... at some stage during this natural process they slip into a different dimension or parallel world to continue their lives unhindered by Humans. It is my theory however some feel the need to chastise us for what they view as the horrendous attacks on their kith and kin. Endless sharpening leave a number quite stunted not to mention those who are broken and tossed aside. It is these conscientious pencils that continue to seek retribution for the suffering of their fellows. some work to restore those newer ones to health before they can be abused while others distract us as per the gremlin & borrower myth's. At times they have become quite vicious, there was a species that lived underground who when defending their territory became known as The Tommy Knockers.

I have discovered some unique isotopic signatures in individual pencils which has allowed me to track certain pencils and can show not only the moments they blink out of our realm and also when they blink back. It is around these latter events that I have discovered the absence of other items in the vicinity.

So it is clearly not merely some conglomeration of chance scientific happenings that pencils disappear but a clearly defined natural process that is hindered by humans. There are some who have been trying to find out the mechanism of transfer to this other dimension and as indicated some believe socks have something to do with it. It is my theory though as of yet unproved that it is the pencils that are responsible for the lost socks not the other way around as proposed by my fellow researchers.

His Self Appointed excellency Penne Sille.
Founder of the pencil rights and liberation movement

[Ashore]

The one thing no one on this thread has talked about is the fact that pencils are a living

Then they may well have mated with a chameleon in the wild :rolleyes: more food for thought , how else can they dissapear and then re appear in the same spot .....Hummmm

[JohnnyR]

Did you look in your socks?:D

[Carry Pine]

Missing pencils? Easy. Stolen and disintegrated by the same gremlins who tie thumb knots in hoses and electrical cords. How do you tie a thumb knot in a hose without passing an end through the loop? Impossible for humans but can be done.

Carry Pine

[DavidG]

Tried to solve the sock problem.

Threw out all of my socks and bought new ones.
Same brand. All the same colour (Black)

Now if some one can explain why there are odd socks in my draw.:confused:

Some black but different pattern to the rest.:confused:
Some NOT black.:confused:

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

I made the stupid mistake of drilling a hole in the stub end of a pencil and attaching a 3' loop of bright yellow string. Tucked behind my ear, the string got in the way... looped over my neck, the pencil got in the way. So, I left it on the bench. It should be easier to find, with so much bright yellow string hanging off it, right? Wrong... by the next week-end it had disappeared. Never to be seen again.

Working on the principle that it'd been knocked off by an envious fellow woodie, I made another prototype, incorporating some minor improvements. I wasn't going to "wear" it this time, so I attached my trusty old square to the other end of the string. Now, I know that any time I pick up my square, there'll be a pencil handy. :)

So, if any of you come across a well-loved Marples Rosewood square with double brass facings and attached to a pencil by a length of bright yellow string... please tell it to come home. It's sorely missed and it's younger brother, Stanley, is just as useless as it ever was. :(

[czk]

my wife usually finds my pencils, unfortunately by that time they've been through the heavy duty wash and spin dry so most of them are broken:(

[Auld Bassoon]

Glad I went and washed the car and had a beer , you said it much better that I would have. :eek:

Quite! I may have been a little more, ahem! forthcoming :eek: :D :D :D

[Ray153]

After a very ordinary day at work, i looked at this thread for unknown reasons and am very glad that I did, haven't had a laugh this good for a while so thank you to all those pencil deprived woodies out there.
I have actually got a solution for you all. I have a pencil that is 6 foot long and has a diametre of 10 inches. I usually find it easier to leave the pencil on the bench and move my timber along the point to mark out my lines. Never lost the pencil yet. If only I didn't keep losing the timber, it all seems to just lose all molecular structure somehow and ends up in little piles on the floor........
Maintaining the pencil in a sharp condition can be troublesome though. Last time I had to sharpen it I smashed a flouro tube swinging the axe. I could tell you a story about that axe, had it for years, still the same as the day I bought it, only replaced the handle three times and the head twice.......
Glad someone did revive this thread, just because something has a little age does not mean that it is no longer valuable or relevant. Something that some self appointed neat freaks seem to have lost sight of perhaps.........

[Bodgy]

I get my revenge on the kids with pencils and the like. In particular, the Idiot Child has provided me with many pencils, a stick of gum (for sticking the sandpaper to the spindle, and sandpaper to hold-down jigs), two pencil sharpeners, a calculator (that was a big coup!), those modern, coloured plastic drawing pins (to stick skethces and plans up whilst measuring out), a cork board, a document folder with the plastic sleeves (for storing machine manuals and the relevant reciepts for warranty) and a dressmakers tape to measure bandsaw blades.

I look on innocently when she accuses Thuggo (her brother) of these thefts.

Its the first taste of revenge before beginning some serious SKIING (Spending the Kids Inheritance)

[thetassiebfg]

Another possibility is that they go sightseeing. Going to places of significant and important pencil related places and exhibits.
(These photos came from a link posted herea couple of years ago)

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

I love the second pic... it shows quite clearly that pencils have been going walkabouts for a loooong time. :D

(I'll bet that carpenter was ... back then pencils would've been worth quite a bit more than they are now. :eek: )

[Terry B]

The pencils go to the same place as paperclips. Paperclips metamorphise into wire coathanges and clearly the pencils change into the wooden ones that infest my wardrobe.
See, it is simple.:confused:

[Smiley Guy]

Have you checked behind your ears (for the pencils)?

[Spindleshanks]

What about office spoons? The CSIRO recently did some research on the disappearance of spoons. It appears that they will last longer if in a tea room used by like-minded people (a bunch of scientists) than if used by administrative staff (a bunch of clerks). The research started with a dozen spoons for each tea room and within a month or so all spoons were gone. The research was unable to come to any conclusion regarding where the spoons went however!

[Ray153]

What about office spoons? The CSIRO recently did some research on the disappearance of spoons. It appears that they will last longer if in a tea room used by like-minded people (a bunch of scientists) than if used by administrative staff (a bunch of clerks). The research started with a dozen spoons for each tea room and within a month or so all spoons were gone. The research was unable to come to any conclusion regarding where the spoons went however!

Thank God our taxes are being well spent by the men in white lab coats.......typical boffins, they study the problem and come to a conclusion but can't provide any useful information like the whereabouts of the missing spoons.
It is a good thing that black holes in space are said to be infinite, if they weren't, they would have filled up long ago with all the odd socks, missing pencils, teaspoons, cheque books, wallets, assorted coins, documents that the boss wanted urgently yesterday and all other manner of things that seem to conspire against the human race by sneaking off and hiding the very second we turn our attention elsewhere....

[Malibu]

Love the thread! It makes me feel all warm-and-fuzzy to realise that I'm normal after all!
Of course, the easiest way to find something that you lose is to go and buy a replacement... 30 seconds after walking in the door, there's (whatever) sitting for all to see while you swear it wasn't there before.
As point of interest (or, proof of my stupidity..) I thought I lost my mobile phone once. Checked my pocket where it is always clipped on, checked the work area, checked the top of the toolbox. Not to be found.
Suddenly realised I was on it!

[MICKYG]

Have the same problem with a shed that eats pencils. The small pencils used to write out "keno" are thrown out after a few sharpens by the clubs and pubs where this game is played.

If you know some one within the establishment instead of throwing them out you might score a hundred or so which I have done and oddly enough with a good supply of pencils I do not loose them like I used to. They are great to use for wood working.

Its a form of recycling and your shed will not eat any more pencils with such a supply!!

Regards Mike.;) ;) ;)

[Bondy1s]

Your pencils are all out having a good time with my engineers chalk

[Andy Mac]

Truly a timeless thread, because there are few certainties in life, but losing your pencil, when needed most, is a definite.:p
Despite some worthy and adventurous theories, I think Carry Pine is close to the truth, that a form of gremlin runs about the workshop. For fun they move things about, like safety glasses and wing nuts, but pencils are different. I have found clusters of them tucked away in dark, inaccessible corners of the workshop, and it is my considered opinion they (the shed gremlins) are nesting. Pencils seem to be their favoured nesting material, not unlike the car gremlin, which nests in a torus of Biros (that dozen or so you "lost" in the glovebox), usually found under the back seat.

Cheers:D

[powderpost]

I am thoroughly sick of pencils dissapearing, so I snuck very quietly down to the shed, after doing what us older folk have to do at about 3.00am. And there they were, caught red handed. I grabbed one of the little sods, geez are they slippery and threatened to soak his lead in turps if he didn't tell me what was going on, it worked. The pencils are shipped to Japan to be used by Japanesed gremlins. What do they do with the pencils????? Have a look here........
http://www.infofreako.com/jad/enpitsu-e.html
Jim :)

[RufflyRustic]

Your pencils are all out having a good time with my engineers chalk

Bondy

The engineers' chalk has somehow come to stay at my place. I seem to have a growing collection of it and most of it seems to come out of the washing machine :confused: :confused:


cheers
Wendy
:D

[Oregon_Mike]

It's the not the pencils you have to worry about...it's the gum erasers!
They have wings......
How many times have I laid a gum eraser on the table and saw it go flying across the floor?

[AlexS]

When I worked in PNG the locals often used to put a pencil in their hair in the same way we'd stick one behind our ear. I often wondered how many pencils were lost there forever.

[Flowboy]

Does the pencil/sock interaction have any positive benefit? Like the cats with slices of toast and Vegemite tied to their backs? This was suggested as a cheap form of keeping trains/ trucks moving at menial cost. Both the cats and the toast have a preference for landing in a particular manner, hence, they constantly rotate, keeping an eqiulirium in effect. All that is needed is positive force to move anything attached to the cat/veg device forward or back.

[Bleedin Thumb]

Powderpost, those pencil carvers of Japan must be extemely small (gremlins) or have bloody good eye sight!

[Flowboy]

Clever too, Mr thumb, they've already mapped the DNA for at least one pencil type. (see the double spiral)

[czk]

just browsing another thread http://www.woodworkforums.com/showthread.php?t=38845

and came across the answer to where at least some pencils are going!

[Purpleheart]

My missus says this is just another example of what she calls "Male Blindness".

Its a males inability to find whatever they are looking for.

I think we are born with it.

I hate to admit it, but she is right.

I can loose anything just about anywhere, spend ages looking for it, get all off, and when she askes whats up (or what I've lost) she just goes and finds it straight away. Yet I get in trouble if I ask for help too soon, as then I might be judged as not having tried hard enough to find it first. (Go figure)

Hmm, maybe the women and the gremlins are working together to undermine our sanity............

[Wild Dingo]

Now how come its taken me so long to find this thread? What a bobby dazzler! :cool:

Now firstly I want to back up a bit to our young nipperoo young Joash... listen young fella when yerve been around the block a few years you may comment on missing pencils and the importance of continued discourse regarding thise mysterious occurance in the shed alright?... not having a go at your wee youthfullness but its plain that from your comments you still have that protective troll figure stuck to the end of your pencil and are therefore covered under the troll figure code of practice ergo your still too young to be let out on your own so in order that you dont become totally phissed of from the continual and persistant deviation from your known order of things the troll figure stays with you... unfortunately us older fellas an sheilas have graduated well past that stage and are now well and truely forever on the trolls "getchapen anhideit" list... but worry not my young nipperoo friend your day too is coming just as ours did so enjoy your youth knowing that when you go to the shed the pencils will be where you left them... its your trolls duty you know! :cool: unfortuately nowadays the poor troll has become confused and abused since his name is so often used on the internet not to describe him but for other reasons... but he knows his duty and will stand by you... at least until you leave home cause its about then that he will take his orders from a higher command and you also will fall under the control of "DAMNIT!! Ive lost the damned pen keys milk rent child whatever!"

now as to the thread... what a wonderous thing it is to be passing all these fine theories back and forth :cool:

Seriously though surely you all jest? I mean its a well known fact that the pencils are just bits of wood and lead... UNTIL they enter the shed!! Then they become agents of the ones who cannot be named who are in control of the tinfoil hats and jocks... these same ones who cannot be named are the instigators of the lost keys milk child whatever that occurs elsewhere... the whole process is designed as a test to see if we have evolved enough to be taken back to the ones who cannot be named home planet

Now as a ridgey didge tinfoil hat an jock wearing card carrying knower of the ones who cannot be named intents I will tell you that It works thus... dont worry I have my tinfoil hat an jocks on so Im safe and wendys safe since shes wearin her red leather outfit and its a well known fact that the ones who cannot be named are totally frozen by red leather but Id advise even her to get at least a tinfoil hat on as its also well known that their frozen state at the sight of red leather only lasts for a few seconds and its better to be safe than sorry... okay on with tinfoil hats an jocks yes ashore you may wear the tinfoil socks if you must :rolleyes: finikey buggar eh? ;)

Anyways its like this... Once a pencil arrives in the shed the ones who cannot be named contact them with the gamma nitronproton ray which as everyone knows is the ray that can turn inanimate items into animate items... now once they have contacted said pencils (this will ALWAYS be when you are not looking as the time is "not yet" but still you must not be made aware of their presence... they are taken up to the mother ship under cover of darkness to be used in the interrogation process of other human lifeforms they have taken to assess and interogate... pencils being seen by human lifeforms as rather inanimate and insygnificat objects it was deemed at the last high council of the huropa galaxy that only pencils could interrogate human lifeforms as they can garner more information an assess them without instilling the fear of the unknown almighty one that some human lifeforms think rules the universe but the ones who cannot be named knows doesnt cause they do... so the humble pencil is given this role

Now you wouldnt think it but those insygnificant wood and lead sticks we draw our lines with on wood are power hungry evil basturds!! Seriously some of the things they do to captive human lifeforms should never leave the realms of imagination but they reside in reality on the mother ship! entering orifices of human lifeforms that were never designed to have a pencil entering them and yes the human lifeform will give all they have within them to get the sodding pencil out!!! often the pencil remains firmly embedded and must be extracted by surgical means of which means the ones who cannot be named are truely the universes sole exponents of... surgury as we know it down here is archaic almost perhistoric by comparison!

Now back to the pencils duties in the shed... and this is the cruel twist purpetrated upon MANkind by the ones who cannot be named... women and feminine gay men who were mistaken for women by the ones who cannot be named fair mistake given they have no sexual gender themselves but rather being able to chop an change at will... they women and feminine gay men are actually slaves of the ones who cannot be named!!

Sorry to out you like this Wendy!! but there you have it... women an feminine gay men are programmed to KNOW where those lost pencils pens keys wallet child are because and heres the real twist... the pencils tell them! Pencils being of a superior lifeform are actually in control of the women and feminine gay men of the world... no seriously!! THEY ARE!!!

sigh... since Ive gone this far I will put on my tinfoil shirt and duds and tell you the rest

Now some of us have been "married" to the women of the world (if your a manish gay man then your feminine gay partner) but this is the worst twist the ones who cannot be named have concocted... their allegiance and love is THE PENCIL!!! :eek: seriously!! I know many of you wont believe a word of this and honestly? thats okay but I know its true!! the pencils rule the women and feminine gay men and the women and feminine gay men love the pencil... its true! In the fullness of time you will sit and say "why didnt I listen to the prophet of the Ubeaut WWF?" but by then it will be too late :(

The pencils we men "loose" are hiding waiting and controlling our women (and feminine gay men) and soon... yes soon!! The ones who cannot be named will appear and then...

THEN!!!

all those "lost" pencils keys milk bread wood whatever! Will raise up with one voice and the women we have "married" and sired will also raise up AND THEN WERE RIGHTLY BUGGARED!!... and thats why

A man in his shed must always nay not sometimes not rarely not occasionally but ALWAYS! were their tinfoil hat and jocks! its protection see? no not as some foolish human lifeforms believe to block their brain sucking machine... although it will help ;) but no its to stop the pencils from recognizing us men!! the sheilas will be in terror if the pencils cant find us for their leaders when the mother ship arrives and they in turn will instill fear in the women (and feminine gay men of course! :p ) who in turn cause they will be able to see us will be all a tither as they try to bring them all out into the open.., the ones who cannot be named will be gammazamma raying them all over the shop all the while the sheilas will be trying to get their beloved pencils uncovered!

This is as was told me by the ones who cannot be named when they took me to the outter galaxy several years ago... it was an interesting journey for I had to pretend to be a sheila while the trip was in progress I had considered pretending to be a pencil since Id lost one that very arvo but figured that that would be just too damned hard to keep up... so I chose to pretend to be a sheila... I enured myself into the confidence of his/her/its excellency the high cattchatorie himself and over some fine outter jupiter pale ale which bein as hes actually a drinker of that dogsturd uranus plonk got totally 10 legged phissed within a nanosecond and let me into his/her/its confidence... some of the things they have planned :eek: but I dare not tell you for fear of the reprisal of the ruler and square who are also secretly under their control

I survived... but only because I wore my supadupa extra thick padded tinfoil jocks at the time... without them... well I shudder at the thought! :eek:

So there you go! The pencils are agents of the ones who cannot be named who upon the appointed time will arrive for a full accounting from the pencils the sheilas who are their slaves... which is why!!! I gotta tell you this just to rest your minds about this man worrying thing... which is why sheilas are the ones who like to do the lordy arent you a dumbass trick and find the flamin things we loose so fast!!! ITS A CONSPIRACY of the evilest vilest kind...

Okay you can take your tinfoil hats and jocks off now yes ashore you can take your tinfoil socks off too mate... oh and Wendy? you can leave the red leather outfit on!! :D

and nary a word of a lie was spoken ;)

That was said to confuse the ones who cannot be named since they monitor the computer whos also a part of their darstardly plot!

[Honorary Bloke]

Dingo! Crikey! Are you sure that kickback wood that flew out of your shed didn't glance off your head in passing?? :D :D

And speaking of plonk . . . how many? :eek: :p

You are seriously weird, which is what makes you so, so, um so, well, you know. :p :p

[Flowboy]

I must stress the problem created by the Japanese gremlins having mapped the pencicular DNA. If these GM (Gremlin Modified) pencils come in contact with the wild population, we may never be able to measure or write in English again!! And what about the sock/pencil interaction, what will happen when all socks return to point of origin. And worst of all, what about all the tinfoil manufacturers who will lose business as people realise that skull and genital covers are no longer necessay because females and gays of the Homo sapiens group will lose the ability to communicate with pencils and those who can't be named (like Prince) retreat to regroup?

Beware my friends, these GM pencil crops must be kept out of the wild stock!!!!

In angst,

Rob

[RufflyRustic]

.............
Sorry to out you like this Wendy!! but there you have it... women an feminine gay men are programmed to KNOW where those lost pencils pens keys wallet child are because and heres the real twist... the pencils tell them! ......

Drat!!!! Foiled again!!!!! :eek: :D OK so I always know where HWMBO left whatever he is looking for - but it's only in the house - Honest!!! Not in his shed!!!

:D

[lesmeyer]

Shane,
it may just be possible that you could give JK Rowlings a run for her money :D
Regards
Les

[lesmeyer]

Have to admit,
I have a dozen pencils in the shed and a dozen in the garage. The good quality ones from LV. Thought they were protected from the creatures that Shane speaks about, but to my horror found out that is NOT the case. This results in a better level of fitness, toing and froing from the garage to the shed to procure a pencil at regular intervals.
Regards from an (almost fit)
Les

[longlux]

It's just Mice or Rats taking them to have a chew on