Kids ARE funny

[Neo]

G'Day Team,
Because our eldest (7) is such a dawdler we have recently told her she is not allowed to have breakfast until she is dressed. This morning came in to us half dressed at 0700, half an hour before she usually needs to get up, asking for help to do up her sleeve buttons. A bit later she was fully dressed and cleaning her room. She normally makes her own bed only on weekends because she takes so long doing it she'd never get to school during the week. She seemed very eager to please this morning so I suggested she make her bed. It was then I discovered the reason behind her alacrity this morning - she wanted to take a CD to school for the class to listen to, a CD we had refused to let her take earlier in the week.
A very short while later she was in her spick'n'span room doing the homework that she didn't have a chance to do yesterday due to factors beyond her control.
Then she totally floored me when she said, "If I get up and do this every morning, Mum will never have to yell at me again.................................. except on special occasions.'

Now, if only I can cultivate that thinking in her........

Cheers

Pat


here's a few more

Kids
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the
remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in
mind that these are first graders... 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!

1. Better to be safe than......................punch a 5th grader.
2. Strike while the ............................bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before..................Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of............termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but...........how?
6. Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty.
7. No news is..................................impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a......................Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new..............math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust.............................me.
12. The pen is mightier than the................pigs.
13. An idle mind is.............................the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's.................pollution.
15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is............................not much.
17. Two's company, three's......................the Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.....you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as..................Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not.............spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed...............get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you..... see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way.

And the favorite:
25. Better late than...........................pregnant!!!!

[Neo]

History according to American 6th Graders

Insight into the minds of 6th graders: The following were answers provided by 6th graders during history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humour is in the misspelling.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw Java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.

11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.

12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

15. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin, which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits.

19. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.