Dennis Millard
22nd January 2007, 04:55 PM
I wrote this to read at the Christmas dinner of our Club, The Barwon Valley Woodwrightts In., but as it turned out, I wasn't able to go, so I thought I'd put it in here- It may give someone a bit of a giggle...
HISTORY IN THE SHED
Life was always a Game of chance,
With a pat on the back or a kick in the paants,
Those days when you shouldn’t get out of bed,
Just tune out the problems and head for the shed.
It’s always been that way, I’m sure,
Since the days of the dinosaur.
The Caveman’s tools were crude and few,
But he carved a bowl for his Mammoth stew.
The knights of Mallory’s epic rhyme,
Didn’t fight dragons all the time.
King Arthur’s lot was clever and able-
Who d’you think made that great round table?
Napoleon Bonaparte caused some strife,
Warring for most of his mis-spent life.
How differently History might have read,
If he’d spent more time in his backyard shed!
And Genghis Khan with his Mongol Horde,
Running amok with fire and sword
How changed the world would have been for good,
If they’d hacked at harmless bits of wood!
The Romans conquered the world they knew,
Bur their Carpentry skills were simple and few
(They made men slaves and refused to free ‘em,
And used them for games in the Colosseum!)
They didn’t spend time in working with wood,
So the Empire fell, as you knew that it would.
When Nero was fiddling and Rome was burning,
He should have been out in his workshop, turning.
\That Hitler- or Stalin- and drongoes like that,
They would lie, cheat and kill at the drop of a hat;
They would start revolutions or set up a war-
Ah! If only they’d stuck to the drill, plane and saw!
For you can’t cheat or steal while you’re turning a pot,
Or dove-tailing drawer fronts to fit in their slot;
I reckon, to cure all man’s ills small or large,
Let’s kick out the Pollies- Put Woodies in charge!
------------------oOo----------------©D.F.M.2006
HISTORY IN THE SHED
Life was always a Game of chance,
With a pat on the back or a kick in the paants,
Those days when you shouldn’t get out of bed,
Just tune out the problems and head for the shed.
It’s always been that way, I’m sure,
Since the days of the dinosaur.
The Caveman’s tools were crude and few,
But he carved a bowl for his Mammoth stew.
The knights of Mallory’s epic rhyme,
Didn’t fight dragons all the time.
King Arthur’s lot was clever and able-
Who d’you think made that great round table?
Napoleon Bonaparte caused some strife,
Warring for most of his mis-spent life.
How differently History might have read,
If he’d spent more time in his backyard shed!
And Genghis Khan with his Mongol Horde,
Running amok with fire and sword
How changed the world would have been for good,
If they’d hacked at harmless bits of wood!
The Romans conquered the world they knew,
Bur their Carpentry skills were simple and few
(They made men slaves and refused to free ‘em,
And used them for games in the Colosseum!)
They didn’t spend time in working with wood,
So the Empire fell, as you knew that it would.
When Nero was fiddling and Rome was burning,
He should have been out in his workshop, turning.
\That Hitler- or Stalin- and drongoes like that,
They would lie, cheat and kill at the drop of a hat;
They would start revolutions or set up a war-
Ah! If only they’d stuck to the drill, plane and saw!
For you can’t cheat or steal while you’re turning a pot,
Or dove-tailing drawer fronts to fit in their slot;
I reckon, to cure all man’s ills small or large,
Let’s kick out the Pollies- Put Woodies in charge!
------------------oOo----------------©D.F.M.2006