Young adults at home

[Groggy]

I guess I have that perennial problem for parents, youngster finishes school then doesn't know what to do.

My son has completed VCE and now wants a gap year before going to uni. This is ok with me but I want the gap year to be a realistic one. In line with that, I want him to pay rent & board but have no realistic idea what would be fair.

Does anyone have a child who is working and living at home? What do you do? I was thinking about 20% of his pay - too much?.

Unfortunately SWMBO wants him home free, buy him a car and still give him pocket money....:(

[womble]

...you're stuffed mate, if the missus gets her way he'll still be there at 30...:no:

make him pay something for board and save for a car, it's the only way he'll learn about the wonders of adulthood with disappearing pay, taxes, lost dreams etc etc etc :U

[TassieKiwi]

How about a compromise - ask him what his mates are paying for rent/food/bills - have him open a new account and have this agreed amount automatically banked from his pay each week here. This can be the start of a car fund, house - whatever. No withdrawls allowed for 12 months. :wink:

[jmk89]

I like TassieKiwi's idea of the nest egg account.

But test the comparison of board with the calculation share of rent + share of bills (gas, electricity, water, foxtel, internet) + share of groceries. So if there are three kids total those and divide by 5 and there's the board (it's what he'd havve to pay if he moved out).

The monthly rent (if you own your house) is market value divided by 240 (gives a 5% retiurn which is about what landlords historically charge). If you wan t to be generous, use market value for the area where students have share houses.

[bitingmidge]

Forget the nest egg, forget the free board.

Under the circumstances it doesn't have to cover your costs, but it has to be more than a token $10, maybe a "meaningful" $50-$75?. This could be accompanied by a rational explanation (but not apology) of what the real cost of keeping him is, taking into account house maintenance, laundry detergent etc!

If a kid is going to appreciate the value of money, they aren't going to gain that appreciation by paying Mum and Dad "board" that turns up as a bonus for them sometime later!

I'll bet SHE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0_36mXx-mw) didn't pay any board!

P
:D

[Flowboy]

Hi Greg,
I like TK's idea. I think a reward for saving, whatever it is provides a great incentive. Though it may be to stay at home cause you still get all the comforts. Don't forget that the trend now is to stay at home well into one's twenties, so a baseline needs to be established now.
Perhaps you could look around at what share accomodation is worth/week and use that as a guide. Add in what he would have to pay for utilities, food and laundry and you've got an idea of what he would be up for if he decided he wanted to move out. How you set your figure after that is up to you, but it will give all of you (including other sibling) an idea of what's involved in "getting personal space".

Hope this helps

Rob

[silentC]

I lived at home until I was 19. I think my first job (working for my Dad) paid me $150 per week net. I paid $25 per week board.

The parents bought me my first car but I had to pay them back for it. Before that they bought me my first drum kit, which I paid back by working in the sheetmetal works after school folding pier caps at 10 cents a piece. It took me all through Year 11 and 12 to do it :)

And I still don't appreciate the value of money :wink:

[squashedfrog1]

swmbo will be doing him NO favours for the free ride. It teaches him nothing and encourages this all too common attitude that "the world owes him a living" and that it is his "right" to get whatever he wants for nothing.
Paying a decent board and share of expenses teaches him responsibility for his own actions and life and IS your duty as a parent to teach him,
however hard the lesson.

Keep in mind too that in swmbo's mind, no woman will ever be good enuff for her son and (subconciously?) she's creating a man that no decent woman will ever want. A decent woman will want her partner to be financially responsible and definately not "mummy's boy"

While you're at it, lay down some other ground rules,
Do his own washing
Participate in the housework, cooking etc
Running expenses for his car must be his responsibility

I know it sounds hard but what sort of man do you want him to eventually be?

[Grunt]

I thought the whole point of having kids was to get slave labour.

Definitely not going to have any now.

[bitingmidge]

Don't forget that the trend now is to stay at home well into one's twenties, so a baseline needs to be established now.

Easy fix.

We told the kids from day one that we were leaving when the youngest turned 18. Three weeks after that date the "for sale" sign went up.

Two months later, one daughter lived in London, two were flatting together and we were living happily ever after at the beach! :D :D

(Don't ask how much SHE spends on petrol visiting them though! :roll: )

Cheers,

P

[Stuart]

Get him to do what I did between school and Uni - travelled Europe for 12 months (working in London for 6 months) That gives a very realistic experience wrt money, and self sufficiency and all that, and is still a break between school and uni.

[jmk89]

Get him to do what I did between school and Uni - travelled Europe for 12 months (working in London for 6 months) That gives a very realistic experience wrt money, and self sufficiency and all that, and is still a break between school and uni.
Good idea, so long as he only has his own resources to rely on - don't do what many of my friends have done and allow the child to have access to your credit card (even for emergencies - one girl had the cheek to say that it was an emergency for her to pay for a round of drinks in a bar!!:(( ). If they need more money they should have to ring you and explain why they need more - that will keep them within budget...

[Flowboy]

Easy fix.

We told the kids from day one that we were leaving when the youngest turned 18. Three weeks after that date the "for sale" sign went up.

Two months later, one daughter lived in London, two were flatting together and we were living happily ever after at the beach! :D :D

(Don't ask how much SHE spends on petrol visiting them though! :roll: )

Cheers,

P
So way cool its heinous, Midge.:D :D :D :D :2tsup:

[Eddie Jones]

Board??? Ha!

Of course, we had it tough!

Our Dad used to charge us 110% of our weekly wages as board. And if we wanted food that was extra! Forget clothes!

And you try and tell that to the young people of today - They won't believe you!

[Lignum]

To all you tightasses i just hope when your in your 70`s+ and you need looking after your kids take half your pension to do it:rolleyes:

[David L]

I am with Midge #5 word for word.

It is up to the parents to teach responsibility and the value of money.

I am not in favour of using the money to buy the car either they wont have the same appreciation as if they slaved and saved themselves, contribute to the deposit or buy him some small thing ocassionally.

Who ever heard of paying their bills and then getting the money refunded in full for no good reason.

[scooter]

I reckon 20-25% of his pay is the go, to cover room & board, meals, washing, ironing, etc. Not negotiable. Def. not to be given back to him. Encouraged to leave home & stand on own feet as soon as reasonably possible.

As long as it is a cheaper & easier option to stay home the harder it will be for him to move out.

I reckon the sooner adolescent kids learn the realities of life, ie. rent, cooking, washing, ironing, etc. the better adjusted they will be to the world out there.

Good luck with SWMBO, though. :D Don't give up the good fight. :p


Cheers...................Sean

[bitingmidge]

I reckon 20-25% of his pay is the go, to cover room & board, meals, washing, ironing, etc. Not negotiable.

No washing, no ironing.

Cheers,

P
:D :D :D

[outback]

To all you tightasses i just hope when your in your 70`s+ and you need looking after your kids take half your pension to do it:rolleyes:


Perhaps if you have been a responsible parent, and taught the true value of money, responsibilty, and life, they will appreciate what you have done for them, and realise the pitance charged as board when a youngster only strengthend these values.

Maybe then they will come to know the true cost of the sacrifices made willingly for them when
m they were growing up, and will do all they can to ensure you dotage is as happy and stress free as possible.

[Bleedin Thumb]

I got kicked out of home when I was 16. I was living with a prostitute by the age of 17 and still put myself through uni and tech.

Do the right thing by your son and boot him out.:D
Its character building.

[Iain]

I was living with a prostitute by the age of 17

Bet that cost more than board at home..................and the penicillin:D :D

[old_picker]

easy
sell the the house and buy a small unit
oh and make sure he knows he aint invited and there wont be a plce for him to sleep

If you aint carefull he will move his chick in and then you will be stuffed

That happened here the new girlie person came for the weekend and never went home and that was a year ago. I call them the royal couple and they do SFA around the place.

However I do the cooking so guess who eats at maccas 6 or 7 nites a week:D:D:D:D

[Groggy]

Don't forget that the trend now is to stay at home well into one's twenties, so a baseline needs to be established now.Forget it? It's a recurring nightmare of mine.


How about a compromise - ask him what his mates are paying for rent/food/bills - have him open a new account and have this agreed amount automatically banked from his pay each week here. Unfortunately his mates parents don't ask for board at all. :rolleyes:


...you're stuffed mate, if the missus gets her way he'll still be there at 30...:no: Arrggghhh, no.


make him pay something for board and save for a car, it's the only way he'll learn about the wonders of adulthood with disappearing pay, taxes, lost dreams etc etc etc :UI am now leaning towards the $80 figure with no returns. It will also mean his entertainment costs come out of his pay but I'll cover most other things. I did want to make him buy his own clothes etc but I know the missus will undermine me on that as shopping "is her thing".

[Groggy]

To all you tightasses i just hope when your in your 70`s+ and you need looking after your kids take half your pension to do it:rolleyes:If I don't get him to learn the value of money then he'll need my full pension to look after us! :wink: Besides, he's not a bad or stupid guy by any means, just lacking life experience. I don't want him growing up thinking he has a larger disposable income than reality allows for.

Also, if he leaves home thinking I'm a tightass then he is already lost - he has done pretty darn well and knows it (thankfully).

[Article99]

I reckon $100 is a fair amount each week. Even on an apprentice's wage, I can manage to afford it and still splash the rest around. :)

[ozwinner]

Hey Greg rather than charge the poor bugger rent get him to clean your workshop, that would take about 40 hours per week and he will have earned it.

Al :U

[Grunt]

I still think you should sell the children into slavery.

[dzcook]

not really on the topic but there is a awful yank show on tv called wife swap last week had two familys one lot ( the rich ones ) made their kids even the young ones pay for their share of holidays etc and they where so careful with the money and stuff would really like to see what they will be like in 20 yr but i also thought that iit wasnt bad to teach the kids values early nothing in life is free

And i was only watching because there was nothing else on the box


but have noticed that kids dont really have any idea about what real life is like paying bills meeting rent seems with a lot nowdays is all good time and fun first and not pay the rent if that leaves you short for a party on friday

think i must be getting old lol sounding like my parents

[tameriska]

Hi, from a perspective of a 28 year old "child" who has never left home.
I have been doing my own washing and cooking since the age of 15.
When I finished school (year 12) in 1996 I was working with my father, (builder/ carpenter/ concreter/ stonemason) I wasn't getting paid, and I wasn't on the rock 'n roll.
I got an allowance of $20 a week, in 1998 he bought me a car, $800 1970 model.
In 1999 he paid for my license. In 2001 I got a permanent part time job, and was still working with him when not at work.
He didnt ask me to pay board, but I started paying for the groceries, electricity bill and water.
In 2002, for various reasons, I took on the mortgage for the house, as well as keeping up with the groceries, electricity and water bills. I also took on paying for his car rego etc.
In that time, (still working) he took time off to rebuild the engine in my car, serviced my car, and cut timber for the stove.
Basically I was spoiled rotten, and didnt realize how much I relied on him till he passed away in 2005.
Personally, in my situation, I hope that it equalled out a little bit.

I would support the idea of a live at home adult paying board, and doing their own washing etc.

In my view, paying board (or equivalent) helps an appreciation of personal responsibility, as well as financial managment. It helps people with the realities, in that the priority is paying bills first, the landlord isn't going to be happy with excuses as to why the rent couldnt pay the rent this week.

I had a friend, she is 31, still living at home with her parents, not paying board, renting to buy the latest, greatest computer, Tv etc.
I dont believe that she has gained any personal or financial responsibility through this, she still believes that she deserves the silver platter.

(end of rant)

[Schtoo]

Just quickly, since I need to go to work right now.

I left home at the age of 27.

I came here 5 years ago.

You work it out. :wink:

[Cliff Rogers]

I don't agree with just giving it to them.

I had no say in the matter, mine didn't live with me & the ex didn't even make the boys get out of bed to go to school. :((
They were 20 before they had a job & she had to sell the house & move OS to get them to move out. :rolleyes:

[corbs]

Heard the Defence force was looking into introducing a gap year enlistment for school leavers. Dont know what it would entail but 12 months in the Army/Navy/RAAF will provide income, training, food and shelter. I signed on for four years, that was nearly 13 years ago.

Corbs

[Shedhand]

I left home at 16 and couldn't wait to get out and earn my own way. I kicked mine out when they were 16 and i sold up. They made their own way and are doing alright. Learned all the hard lessons first hand just like i did and my dad and his dad before him. We're becoming a race of nannies bearing kids who think a plane is some thing to get you from A to B and don't know a swede (veggie) when they see it (show one to a checkout chick, bet she hasn't a clue).
My advice ? cut 'em loose at 18 and get yourself a life. If the missus doesn't like it she can go too. They're all leeches on your wallet. Don't encourage them.
Get a shed, fill it with tools and a boat and a fridge and nudie pics and most of all be a MAN and stand up for yourself. sheesh.
:doh:

[goat]

:2tsup: Right on sheddy ,i left home just before i was 18 went to queensland got a job on a tourists island for a while, went west for a few years building, fencing, bar work came home to tassie 6 years later got my self 50 acres built a house , had some kids,i didn't charge the eldest board just got him to help out around the place and made him wash his own clothes ect ect he's a hard worker and doesn't pi$$ his money away (other wise i would have charged him board) he's nearly got enough money for a deposit on his own place. only another 3 kids to go

[rick_rine]

Board??? Ha!

Of course, we had it tough!

Our Dad used to charge us 110% of our weekly wages as board. And if we wanted food that was extra! Forget clothes!

And you try and tell that to the young people of today - They won't believe you!


You think you had it tough ! When I was young I had to get up at 4 A.M. to saddle the horse to ride 15 miles to school and then back again . One monday on the way to school the horse died and I had to drag it to and from school for the rest of the week !
Rick

[bsrlee]

I SHOULD have moved out of home a looooong time ago. I went to work for the Police and worked 24/7 shifts for nearly 30 years, until the wheels came off. It didn't help that Mum was an OCD contol freak either.

Of course, then I wouldn't be looking after my senile mother, she'd be locked up in some anonymous Granny Farm - and YOU lot would be paying for it. :-P

Be nice to your kid/s, they will chose your nursing home :cool:

[masoth]

My only child (son) was born late in my lifetime, and as he will get everything I have soon enough, I can see no reason to not support him in all he does. He has been working since before leaving school, owned a store and worked night security guard together. Financed his own first vehicle, helped produce my delightful grand daughter, and is saving to buy a house. I bought, for him last year, a new 4x4 Nissan which we now pay-off together at over double the requirement.
He paid $50 for board when he lived at home (till aged 25) on the understanding he saved. Now he's a mean bugger and asks "Do you need it, or want it?"
The only thing really wrong with him is is he prefers plastic ahead of wood.:doh:

soth

[Shedhand]

I'm sitting here reading all these posts and its made me recall my younger years. I remember my first job was as a proof reader in a commercial print shop (my boss gave me the job because I could spell any word he threw at me) and my wages were 6 pounds 10 shillings a week.
Tax = I forget
Union = sixpence
Board = 5 pounds
Fags = 3 shillings
Bus fares = 5 shillings
Lunch money = the balance

Then I joined the army and got paid $65 a fornight. Thought I was Aristotle. :D

After my 13 month stint in the army I was discharged and pair $765 in DFRB. My old man borrowed all of it and when I asked for it back he informed me that was my board for the 16 years he brought me up.. NICE.

Geez, I'm starting to reminisce ...what's next dribbling? :?

[Bleedin Thumb]

After my 13 month stint in the army I was discharged and pair $765 in DFRB. My old man borrowed all of it and when I asked for it back he informed me that was my board for the 16 years he brought me up.. NICE.



LOL:D more fool you. Bet you never lent him any money again.:p

[KevM]

I'm sitting here reading all these posts and its made me recall my younger years. I remember my first job was as a proof reader in a commercial print shop (my boss gave me the job because I could spell any word he threw at me) and my wages were 6 pounds 10 shillings a week.
Tax = I forget
Union = sixpence
Board = 5 pounds
Fags = 3 shillings
Bus fares = 5 shillings
Lunch money = the balance
brought me up.. NICE.

Geez, I'm starting to reminisce ...what's next dribbling? :?

Mike,
Were you only 14 when you left school??

[journeyman Mick]

Slightly off-topic, I visited some friends yesterday (I built their house) who have a son and daghter, both still at school. My friends are retired, having sold their business for many millions of dollars. Son wanted money for a motorbike and was told he would have to get a job and save for it. Mum or dad will spend more on fuel than the son makes at his job, in order to drive him to and from work. Theyre adamant that they want the kids to grow up with a good work ethic and feeling responsible.

Mick

[Gumby]

I still live at home with my Mum. I don't pay board or do any chores.

Life is good. :U

[Honorary Bloke]

I couldn't wait to get on my own. Left home at 18 and joined the Air Force. Never looked back.

Now my son--at home until 20, out, back home at 22, out at 23, back at 24. Finally took a page from Midge and sold up and moved 2500 Kliks.

He'd probably take my full pension to support him! :wink:

[dazzler]

Forget teaching lessons about life.

Enjoy them while they are there, soon enough they will have moved on.

:D

[Shedhand]

LOL:D more fool you. Bet you never lent him any money again.:pperzackly. :cool:

[Shedhand]

Mike,
Were you only 14 when you left school??G'day Kev. No had just turned 15. The boss was still working in LSD (kept his money in a monstrous old safe in the basement). Was an old Pom. I think I got my first decimal currency pay about 3 months after I started.
Cheers

PS: Did you have a good xmas and new year. Was santa heavily laden with things for your shed?

[dai sensei]

When I split with the 1st wife I paid $100 per child per week in maintenance (and why I lived in a caravan for 10 years). I guess I am now used to it and base my current rules on that $100.

My kids are now all over 18 but still studying or want to. I give them 4 options:

1. Study full time and live independently - I give them $100 per week to help out.
2. Study full time and live with me - I support them and charge them no board, but they must pay for their entertainment (going out, phones etc) and hence have to get a part time job.
3. Work full time and live with me - they pay me $100 per week board and pay for their own entertainment.
4. Work full time and live independently - they are on there own.

My youngest (18) is on option 2, but considering option 1.
My 2nd (20) lives in Sydney on option 4, but considering option 3 until he gets into the action uni he wants, then will go for option 1 (no suitable uni's near me). He considers option 3 a good deal and a lot cheaper than option 4.
My eldest (22) lived independently in WA on option 1, but has decided to take a year off, hence now on option 4.

I am really lucky in as much as all my kids have good head on their shoulders, are independent and even more important, do not expect a free ride.

[steb]

No kids but have had 5 foster kids.

First mob we felt they'd done it hard enough asked for nothing paid for everything. One of them pulled weight worked at job, helped out moved out with her partner :2tsup: . Others did SFA. When we got sick of it they picked up and left.

Now we provide room, board, education, bus fare and lunch money. You want anything else your problem. Working so far.

Other key lesson we learned: they must do something productive. Have a job, work at education. One lad with ADD was productive by doing shopping cooking cleaning. Once they get used to sleeping in to 3 and staying out to 3 you're stuffed (so how do I know...)

good luck

[Groggy]

This thread has been very helpful, thank you all.

Final decision (discussed and agreed) was

$15 per day for each day worked. If there is no work available he is not required to pay.
max $75 per week.
Any overtime is his, to encourage him to work harder.
If he decides to have a working day off that is counted as a working day.
He pays for his entertainment.I was going to reduce it a bit because we get the family allowance, however we have to pay that back anyway because he is working so I canned that idea.

Anyway, agreement was finally reached.

Now if I can just get him to do his chores around the house....

[Shannon]

G'day Groogy,

That seems like a very good solution you guys nutted out. I am glad you weren't as harsh as some have said, but definately not as softand disgraceful as the you tube daughter with the new car that was the "wrong colour".

As long as he has a good head on his shoulders and a good work ethic (contingencies if he decides to only work 1 shift a week/fortnight???) then he will have good knowledge and respect for saving and also a little of what it is like in the world of indepance.

FWIW I was fully supported until I finished studying (19 1/2) but from the time I left school all of my extras - going out, buying magazines, eating out etc were up to me. When I finished studying a got full time employment I started paying 10% board and started to buy my clothes etc.
My parents bought my 1st car but I had to pay all other costs, rego insurance on costs.

I had it pretty good, but at the same time I had a good sense of the value of money from an early age. I didn't go out much and when I did it usually wasn't expensive. I was also able to save and when 20 had bought my hot rod and payed off the loan.

I was very fortunate to have parents so willing to help me out and support me through my childhood - but I am also very aware that if I didn't value it and was disrespectful of what they were doing for me, a lot of things would have been different about how they gave that support.
When my 4yo gets to any age where she takes what she has for granted, then things will change. We will give her everything we can but if it starts to affect her view of how the "real world" goes about life, or she starts becoming a princess, things will change VERY rapidly.

[Groggy]

Shannon, I saw the youtube video too and thought "some poor guy is going to marry that one day" (~shudder~). Every birthday, Christmas, anniversary is going to be hell. The parents should have taken the car back and told her to buy one for herself :rolleyes:.

Contingencies are covered "If he decides to have a working day off that is counted as a working day.". Basically the intent of that is to not penalise him if there is no work available, but if he takes a day off then he still pays board.

I am lucky with my kids, but striking a fair balance occasionally means looking around at what others are doing.

[RufflyRustic]

.....
Now if I can just get him to do his chores around the house....

Hi Groggy,
Sounds like a good agreement there.

No chores done = no food, no tv, no using the car, no .... nothing . Works well around here sometimes :D


cheers
Wendy

[scooter]

No chores done = no food, no tv, no using the car, no .... nothing . Works well around here sometimes :D


cheers
Wendy


This is for HWMBO Wendy? :wink::p

[Grunt]

This is for HWMBO Wendy?

Isn't it HWMO?

[Jonno L]

Gday guys,

I'm twenty years old, moved out when I was 17, about 6 months after highschool. Those 6 months were spenty recuperating from a nasty Downhill Mountainbike crash that I had, and I didn't have to pay board (wasn't working much due to not being able to walk). As soon as I was healthy enough, my old man hit me up for board. I wasn't keen on paying board for something I'd had all my life, so I moved out.

I was no freeloader, and I definitely new the value of money and knew what it cost to look after me. They also knew of my goals (own my own house...or should I say mortgage...by the time I was 21) but were adament I pay up anyway.

I ended up owning my own house at 19, along with two businesses. I have no doubt in my mind I still would have achieved what I have, had I stayed at home and my old man shouted me a car etc...these are your kids, look after them!

But then again if he is a disrespectful little punk, put him out on the street to fend for himself.

[RufflyRustic]

Yep, those are the rules for HWMNBO and his girls. As for him being HWMO - not a chance :(( :doh:

Ah well.



Jonno L - it's very interesting to hear your viewpoint and perspective. Congrats on achieving what you have and what you will have/do.:2tsup:

I too, wouldn't have come as far as I have if I'd stayed at home.

Cheers
Wendy