Driver
15th May 2003, 03:04 PM
The location is a saloon in Dodge City in the old Wild West. The regular bartender has gone on annual, or possibly long-service leave and his cousin from out of town is standing in for him. The scene is fairly peaceful. Doc Holliday is playing the piano in a corner. Several citizens are enjoying a drink and a game of poker. The stand-in bartender polishes a glass.
Suddenly the door flies open and a wild-eyed bloke rushes in. "Get the hell outta here!" he cries, "Big Red's coming to town!"
There is a moment's stunned silence and then the entire saloon empties. Even Doc Holliday rushes out through the back door. The bartender is left, glass and towel in hand with his mouth slightly open. "Wha . . ?" he starts to say when the door crashes open again and in strides the most enormous, ugly hooligan he's ever seen. This bloke is about seven foot six. He's dressed entirely in really grubby fringed buckskin. His hat is tailored from the head of a grizzly bear. Two piggy black eyes stare out from above a huge, bright red beard. He hasn't bothered to tie up his horse to the hitching rail, he's carrying it under his arm!
The barman gulps and the big bloke growls: "Shot of redeye, barkeep."
The barman picks up the bottle and a glass and struggles to bring the two together as he shakes uncontrollably with fear. The big bloke downs the whisky in one and slams the glass back onto the bar.
"W-w-would you l-l-like an-n-nother?" says the bartender.
"No way!" says the big fella, "I'm outta here. Haven't you heard? Big Red's coming to town!"
Suddenly the door flies open and a wild-eyed bloke rushes in. "Get the hell outta here!" he cries, "Big Red's coming to town!"
There is a moment's stunned silence and then the entire saloon empties. Even Doc Holliday rushes out through the back door. The bartender is left, glass and towel in hand with his mouth slightly open. "Wha . . ?" he starts to say when the door crashes open again and in strides the most enormous, ugly hooligan he's ever seen. This bloke is about seven foot six. He's dressed entirely in really grubby fringed buckskin. His hat is tailored from the head of a grizzly bear. Two piggy black eyes stare out from above a huge, bright red beard. He hasn't bothered to tie up his horse to the hitching rail, he's carrying it under his arm!
The barman gulps and the big bloke growls: "Shot of redeye, barkeep."
The barman picks up the bottle and a glass and struggles to bring the two together as he shakes uncontrollably with fear. The big bloke downs the whisky in one and slams the glass back onto the bar.
"W-w-would you l-l-like an-n-nother?" says the bartender.
"No way!" says the big fella, "I'm outta here. Haven't you heard? Big Red's coming to town!"