bennylaird
12th December 2006, 07:46 AM
I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape, so I
got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.
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A reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do
you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to
the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your
husband?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied. "Two years older than I am."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?"
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I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thankfully, I still have my
driver's license.
----------
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted
her ashes scattered over K-Mart. "K-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why
K-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."
----------
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as
it used to be.
----------
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated,
jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.
----------
A reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do
you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
----------
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
----------
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to
the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your
husband?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied. "Two years older than I am."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, isn't it?"
----------
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thankfully, I still have my
driver's license.
----------
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had
two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted
her ashes scattered over K-Mart. "K-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why
K-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."
----------
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as
it used to be.
----------
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.