Famous Quotes

[Doughboy]

I am home from work and I can not believe how many quotes my work mates have never heard of. So I reckon this just might work....

Give us one of your best or some of the best you have heard.


Stupid quote.... This is a game of two halves.... Eddie McGuire

Memorable quote.... It is so windy it'd blow the spots off a Dalmation.... unsure where it began but my grandad used it a lot.

Pete

[ozwinner]

Stupid quote.

I had a brickies labourer who was giving me the shytes and I said to him.

One of us is going to be sacked, and it aint me.
Durhh!! :o

Al :p

[jmk89]

Useful line for an employer - "I'm not sacking you... I'm just letting you know that I don't want to hold back your progress... elsewhere"

[Flowboy]

Footy game tied at 3/4 time. Mike Williamson says "I predict whoever wins this quarter will win the game."

Jack Dyer, "..and the loose man is coming from everywhere"

Foghorn Leghorn, ..."thats as much use as a flapping skirt in a high wind"

Rob

[Ian Smith]

Speaking of Foghorn Leghorn - I do like the line - (after a large explosion - Foghorn , naked, walking around picking up feathers) "Fortunately..Ah say fortunately, Ah have ma feathers numbered, for just such an ocassion"...:)

[echnidna]

The Liberal Party will NEVER introduce a GST
Lil Johnny

[Groggy]

Pretty as the northern end of a southbound camel.

[Gumby]

The Liberal Party will NEVER introduce a GST
Lil Johnny

There will be no toll on the Scorseby 'freeway'

Bracks :mad:

[chrisb691]

Pair off...in groups of 3.

[echnidna]

The new fair tax system
Lil Johnny

[Doughboy]

Rare as hens teeth....

Fits like a finger in a bu m ....

[Wood Butcher]

My uncle's favourtie saying when we were doing some landscaping again
"careful or you'll blow your foofoo valve"

[felixe]

"fits like a sock on a dogs nose"! - a quote from a previous woodwork teacher.

[Bluegum]

Or, as good as two away sick.

[echnidna]

Vote for us - we'll look after you

Various pollies

[Rossluck]

Has anyone heard of the old Speewah quotes? The Speewah is a mythical cattle/sheep station in Australian folklore where everything is "the biggest". I love them, here's a couple drawn from memory:

The shearing shed was so big that it took two men and a boy just to see it....

There was a man who worked there that was so tall that he had to climb a ladder just to have a shave....

There was a Kelpie there that was so fast that every third time it ran around a mob of sheep it had to jump over itself ....


Well, I like'em:D :D

[tameriska]

Overheard by my Dad when young,

One old bloke talking to another said that theres nothing rarer than rocking horse s#it

The other blokes reply was, Yep, the steam rising off it.
:)

[ss_11000]

awesome quote:
marge: dont do it, you'll kill us all
homer: or die trying

true quote:
forest gump's mamma: stupid is a stupid does

[Harry II]

Eternity
Arthur Stace
A reformed alcoholic who for 35 years was inspired to write the word 'Eternity' in perfect copperplate in chalk on the streets of Sydney.

[Driver]

I don't know which commentator said it but I swear I heard one of them utter this immortal line at the end of this year's Melbourne Cup:-

"Of course, we shouldn't forget that the horse deserves a lot of the credit for this win."

Wha...?!? :confused:

[watson]

This man pushes doors marked "Pull"

From an Army Annual Personnel report
Regards,
Noel

[lesmeyer]

"If I don't see you thru the week, I'll see you thru the window". From a radio program called "Taxi" made in the UK many years ago.
Les

[Ashore]

These tax cuts are in L. A. W. Law
Paul Keeting
Ps ( we never got them )

No Child Shall Ever Live In Poverty ( Bob Hawke )

He's so fast he can turn the light out and be in bed before it gets dark ( Jack Gibson about Andrew Ettinghausen )

In the morning madam I will be sober but you will still be ugly

And if this was open slather there are Three Imortals
Begining With The Checks In The Mail

[Slow6]

my eighty something year old neighbor telling me about his late wife.

"she was so beautiful you'd hide in the grass for days just to watch her walk by"

[pitbull]

a west indies v england test match
"the bowlers Holding,the batsman's Willey" :D

[Christopha]

My Grandmother to my Balding father, "Bob, you should grow a beard and pull your head in!".... nowadays she could use it me if she was still around :(

[keith53]

I'm as dry as a dead dingo's donger.

[keith53]

or...

busy? I'm as busy as a one-legged ####-kicker with 1000 arses to kick...

[silentC]

I'm so hungry I could eat the crutch out of a low flying duck.

[AlexS]

And if this was open slather there are Three Imortals
Begining With The Checks In The Mail
I'm from the government & I'm here to help you.
Of course I'll respect you in the morning.

[AlexS]

The three best things in life are a beer before and a cigarette after.

[craigb]

"I told you I was ill"

Spike Milligan. On his gravestone.

[Christopha]

I'll only put it in a little way......

[silentC]

Trust me, what can go wrong?

Hey, watch this!

[Driver]

What happens when you press this button?

[silentC]

Wot's this button,
Wot's this button,
Wot's this button 'ere for?

Alexei Sayle

[rrich]

I had an immature manager, about 10 years my junior. He was giving me a pile of used oats trying to impress me with his new found power. I looked up at him and said, "Keep it up, Dennis. Just remember I was looking for a job when I found this one." And Dennis found another job about six months before I did. :rolleyes:

[keith53]

How hard can it be?

[Eddie Jones]

"What does that red button do?"

The female space-shuttle astroperson.

[Metal Head]

Pizza shop slogan - "7 days without pizza makes one Weak.


At a Towing Company - "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows"

<O:p
On the trucks of a local plumbing company - "Don't sleep with a drip - call your plumber"

<O:p
Sign at the psychic's Hotline - "Don't call us, we'll call you"

<O:p
On a Taxidermist's window - "We really know our stuff"

<O:p
Outside a Muffler Shop - "No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming"


On the door of a Computer Store: "Out for a quick byte."

<O:p
On an Electricians truck - "Let us remove your shorts."<O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p</O:p

[Bluegum]

Or being care free don't care as long as its free, ( my inlaws)

[Flowboy]

On the floor of an elevator in Melb Research Institute. "Schindlers Lift"

Slogan for Otis Elevators " We never let you down"

On a butcher where I lived in Brookline Mass. on Beacon Street
"Beacon Kosher" Everytime I saw it I'd double take, thinking it said "Bacon Kosher"

On a door at St George's in Sydney " This door is alarmed at Six...but really terrified at Seven"

[Doughboy]

It's a wigwam for a gooses bridle..... said by my father when asked by one of us kids about something he did not think we needed to know.

So thirsty I could suck a golf ball through a garden hose...... my fathers uncle.

That pothole is so big you need a cut lunch to get out of it.... someone

You sit that close to the telly and you will end up with square eyes! ..... my mum

[silentC]

On the floor of an elevator in Melb Research Institute. "Schindlers Lift"
Schindler (http://www.schindler.com/) actually is an elevator company. There are plenty of Schindler's Lifts in Sydney, our office has three.

[Rossluck]

Another famous (but maybe dubious) Churchill quote was:

Some woman: "Winston, if you were my husband, I should give you poison".

Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it".



Mark Twain produced some beauties.

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Mark_Twain/

[black1]

"Flash as a rat with a gold tooth"
'
"That so far ya need a sixpack and a cut lunch to get there"

"youre entitled to any opinion ya like as long as it the same as mine"

these two get used regulary and at a staff meeting i replied

"its running like the well oiled machine that it is" to how youre section going?:cool:
usually i just reply "cool"

and i think henry ford once said "you can have it in any colour you like as long as its
black"????

"coundnt give a fat rats clacker"

[bookend]

If you haven'y checked out http://despair.com/viewall.html, do yourself a favour.

A couple of samples

It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

For every winner there are dozens of losers. Odds are you're one of them.

[Honorary Bloke]

How unattractive is she? "Well, you could throw her in a pond and skim off ugly all day."

On W.C. Fields' grave marker: "On the whole, I'd rather be in Philadelphia."

[jmk89]

W.C Fields, on his deathbed, replied to friends who asked why he (a well-known atheist) was reading the Bible - "Looking for loopholes"

[ROB NZ]

Two quotes from a much respected and now deceased metalwork tutor:

Of a difficult piece of steel:

"As hard as goat's knees".

And while sharpening a tool on an a grinder, without goggles:

" It hardens the eyeballs".

Cheers,

ROB NZ

[silentC]

If you haven'y checked out http://despair.com/viewall.html, do yourself a favour.

Love it!

When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

[JDub]

Full as a dribblers flute

Full as a fat ladies undies

[Christopha]

A mate used one on the job this mornin', " That's as close as F#$k is to swearin"

[womble]

the ends justify the means (or more literally, one must consider the final result)

niccolo machiavelli

[E. maculata]

During hardie 1000 at bathurst, camera panning to following D Johnstons greenstuff charge up the hill.

"see Dick heads up the mountain"

almost instantaneously same camera settles on bunch of yobbos' carriyng on at the top of the hill.


No comment from Darryl for at least 20 seconds afterwards:D .

[Doughboy]

When riding along on the third leg of the Tom Quilty Endurance Ride. Some one comented that the terrain was surprisingly steep and my father replied......

Up an' down like a new brides nighty!

Flat out like a lizard drinking

[Driver]

As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

[powderpost]

Heard on the Channel 10 news after an Easter break..... "Traffic congestion on the Gold Coast to Brisbane road, can be reduced if everyone staggers their departure times".
Jim

[Bleedin Thumb]

All over the place like a mad womans breakfast.
As mad as a cut snake.
As reliable as a two bob watch.
As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.
As useful as tits on a bull.
As dry as a pommies towel
Fair suck of the savaloy mate put a cork in it!

[AlexS]

...off like Annie's knickers.

[Flowboy]

Heard in most Aussie family cars on Holiday,

..."Are we there yet?''

[Bleedin Thumb]

Off like a bucket of prawns in the sun.
Bangs like a dunny door.
He's a sandwich short of a cut lunch
He's got a few roos loose in the top paddock
He's not the sharpest tool in the shed

...god there are so many of them,

[ss_11000]

mr gibbs (p.o.t.c 2 )
"heave, heave like your being payed for it"

[Doughboy]

Well aren't you the most adorable black hole of need ... when talking about a 13 year old girl.

I would love to help you out, can you show me where you came in? ...... Unwanted vagrants in your life.

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

Just spotted this in another post on the forum and had a quiet chuckle: "It's not the stick that's at fault; it's the monkey at the end of it."

[fxst]

youre a wave short of a shipwreck to a not so bright offsider his reply but we aren't on water.............I gave up
Pete

[rtfarty]

'The lights are on but nobody's home'

[noodle_snacks]

more useless than a condom vending machine in the vatican.

[Chris Parks]

There are promises and then there are core promises...J. Howard

Couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat...Yabba on the SCG hill telling the batsman he didn't score.

Nothing gives me the s**ts and this is the closest thing to nothing I have ever seen...a mate of mine

I am so hungry i could eat a horse then chase the rider...my dad

It's so windy it would blow a brown dog off a chain...no attribute

[Iain]

Flat as a sh#t carters hat

[havenoideaatall]

Or "couldn't catch a cold!"

When someone says "If only":

[AlexS]

Barracker to a prelim boxer at the old Sydney Stadium (the tin shed):
Don't give up now, keep hittin' him with yer handbag.

[Ashore]

Thick as two bricks end on
He's like a 240 volt lamp in a 10 volt socket a tad dim
Honestly its only a cold sore
Like a one armed paper hanger with an itchy #####
lower than a snakes belly in a wagon rut
A promise from him isn't worth the paper it isn't written on :D

[Daddles]

They call him Opium because he's a slow working dope

[AlexS]

They call his mate Draino - clean around the bend.

[echnidna]

"Trust Me"
(soon as I hear that I start counting me fingers) :eek:

[Doughboy]

Like a rat up a drain pipe ......

Straight as a dogs hind leg ..........

[Shedhand]

Got a head like an "A" Frame attic----dark and empty

[bookend]

"Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition"
(Samuel Pepys)

"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to."
(Mark Twain)

[Iain]

Overheard at a local field day about another cockies wife, 'she talks more than a pub parrot'.

[MICKYG]

You can lead a fool to wisdom but you cant make him think.

Regards Mike:rolleyes:

[meansy_wood]

well im a big nirvana fan
so i like this one
' it finished with a bang like kurt cobains biography' hilltop hoods

[Eddie Jones]

"Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad'

"It is a man"s solemn duty to part a sucker from his money"

W.C. Fields

[meansy_wood]

got another nirvana quote. this ones from the song 'something in the way'

'its ok to eat fish, coz they dont have any feelings.' haha classic

[Clinton1]

She's been hanging around that bloke like a dunny budgie around a #### - one of the blokes at work. :D

[chrisp]

"Geez you guys! Do you think wood grows on trees?"


- A high school woodworking teacher who'd go off at an unfortunate student who asks for another piece of timber to fix up yet another mistake.

[Ian Smith]

You can take a lady into the garden, but you can't lead a horticulture

[Doughboy]

Diplomacy is only important if the other party has the upper hand..

[Groggy]

The man's a natural leader - people will follow him simply from a morbid curiosity as to what he may do next.

[Driver]

You can take a lady into the garden, but you can't lead a horticulture

"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."

Dorothy Parker's immediate response when challenged to say something interesting about horticulture.

[watson]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink

Noel

Edit:-
Naughty, naughty Noel.
Ya cant say that..
Al

[Iain]

At an interview I was conducting for sessional workers to supervise villains 'I have a simple philosophy with these people, you play ball with me and I don't whack the bat up your asre'.

[Flowboy]

"Looking back in retrospect". LBJ

[joe greiner]

William Shakespeare (Hamlet): Brevity is the soul of wit.
Dorothy Parker: Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

(re the American measurements thread)
George Bernard Shaw: England and America are two nations separated by a common language.

Joe

[Driver]

LBJ of Gerald Ford:-

"That boy couldn't sheet and chew gum at the same time."

"He played too much football without a helmet."

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

J.F. Kennedy: Ich bin ein Berliner. (I am a jelly donut. :rolleyes: )

[Doughboy]

Getting an education means becoming conscious of what we do not know....

[watson]

Sorry,
(smirk)
My first edit....I'm so proud!!
Must have been a moment of madness!
Regards,
Noel

[ozwinner]

Sorry,
(smirk)
My first edit....I'm so proud!!
Must have been a moment of madness!
Regards,
Noel


Id like to thank my Mum, and all the fellas down at the bone factory where I work.

Al :p

[joe greiner]

Getting an education means becoming conscious of what we do not know....

So true! The more you learn, the less you know.

Joe