Baz
18th September 2006, 09:14 PM
A 98 year old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought
>> it
>>
>> amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
>>
>>
>>
>> Dear Sir:
>>
>>
>>
>> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
>> endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
>>
>> By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between
>> his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds
>> needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
>> deposit of my Social Security check, an arrangement which, I admit,
>> has been in place for only eight years.
>>
>>
>>
>> You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
>> opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
>> for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
>>
>>
>>
>> My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
>> caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
>>
>> I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls
>> and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
>> impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your
>> bank has become.
>>
>>
>>
>> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
>> flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will
>> therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at
>> your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an
>> employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
>>
>>
>>
>> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
>> person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an
>> Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to
>> complete.
>>
>>
>>
>> I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
>> about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
>> alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical
>> history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory
>> details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and
>> liabilities) must be
>>
>> accompanied by documented proof.
>>
>>
>>
>> In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
>> he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be
>> shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
>>
>> modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access
>> my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say,
>> imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
>>
>>
>>
>> Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me,
>> press buttons as follows:
>>
>>
>>
>> 1-- To make an appointment to see me
>>
>> 2-- To query a missing payment.
>>
>> 3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>>
>> 4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
>> 5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
>> nature.
>> 6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
>>
>> 7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my
>> computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a
>> later date to the Authorized Contact.)
>>
>> 8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
>>
>> 9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be
>> put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
>> service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
>> uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
>>
>>
>>
>> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
>> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
>>
>>
>>
>> May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
>>
>>
>>
>> Your Humble Client
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> (Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)
>>
>> JUST GOTTA LOVE SENIORS!
>> it
>>
>> amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.
>>
>>
>>
>> Dear Sir:
>>
>>
>>
>> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
>> endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
>>
>> By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between
>> his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds
>> needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly
>> deposit of my Social Security check, an arrangement which, I admit,
>> has been in place for only eight years.
>>
>>
>>
>> You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
>> opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
>> for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
>>
>>
>>
>> My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
>> caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
>>
>> I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls
>> and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
>> impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your
>> bank has become.
>>
>>
>>
>> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a
>> flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will
>> therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at
>> your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an
>> employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
>>
>>
>>
>> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
>> person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an
>> Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to
>> complete.
>>
>>
>>
>> I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
>> about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no
>> alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical
>> history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory
>> details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and
>> liabilities) must be
>>
>> accompanied by documented proof.
>>
>>
>>
>> In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which
>> he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be
>> shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have
>>
>> modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access
>> my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say,
>> imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
>>
>>
>>
>> Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me,
>> press buttons as follows:
>>
>>
>>
>> 1-- To make an appointment to see me
>>
>> 2-- To query a missing payment.
>>
>> 3-- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>>
>> 4-- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
>> 5-- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
>> nature.
>> 6-- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
>>
>> 7-- To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my
>> computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a
>> later date to the Authorized Contact.)
>>
>> 8-- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
>>
>> 9-- To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be
>> put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
>> service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
>> uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
>>
>>
>>
>> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
>> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
>>
>>
>>
>> May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
>>
>>
>>
>> Your Humble Client
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> (Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)
>>
>> JUST GOTTA LOVE SENIORS!