The Code of Practice [Archive]

Driver

14th June 2006, 10:50 PM

There have been occasional mentions in these forums on the subject of the Code of Practice. What Code of Practice? I hear some of you say.

The Code of Practice, I reply. The Code of Practice as it concerns blokes, sheds and tools - and what blokes do with tools in sheds.

The thing is, most of us know what's in the Code of Practice but I doubt that any of us have ever seen it written down. Besides, even if some of our illustrious members feel they may have seen a written version, it's my guess that the thing needs updating, right?

And we are the right people to do the updating. Furthermore, can anyone imagine a more appropriate place for the Code to be debated, discussed and drafted? Of course not. This is the only place for such a momentously important codex to be composed.

So, let's get into it.

What we need is for the giant intellects that gather on these forums to bend their imaginations to the task and to contribute thoughts on what needs to be included.

Might I suggest, as a starting point, that the following issues need to be aired (and I know well that many of them have been covered in previous forum threads and discussions but there's no harm in repeating and/or amending them herein):-

- The shed - definitons, characteristics, type and size, degree of luxurious fit-out etc., exclusivity of occupation (ie, how to keep the sheilas, kids, pets and nosy buggers out), relative tidiness or lack thereof etc.

- Tools - is it possible to have too many; what to do when there's not enough space; when does a collection become A Collection, what the hell is wrong with having seven routers and eight cordless drills anyway?

- Standing and staring and/or leaning and staring, usefulness thereof and differing techniques.

OK, that's merely a start. The idea is to discuss what needs to go into the Code of Practice and thereby, hopefully, begin to shape a version for blokes to use as a handy reference.

Whaddaya reckon?

Col
-

scooter

15th June 2006, 12:24 AM

Like the idea, Col.

Shed must have a couple of different chairs, for sitting & solving the worlds problems. Must have a radio for distraction when needed. Fridge is good if space permits.

Messy & dirty is fine, keeps the missus out.

For those of us with little kids, must have a small toolbox for 'em & a scraps bin for project materials.

Some form of heating makes it more bearable & inviting in this winter weather.

Decoration? Old number plates, tin signs, tool stickers, charts & info.

Cheers....................Sean

mkb

15th June 2006, 12:33 AM

Shed must contain something from a previous generation & hopefully no knowledge of what it does

Skew ChiDAMN!!

15th June 2006, 02:00 AM

Two or more of any type of item on a bench or shelf is a collection, or the start thereof. This includes any broken tools, bits of lawnmowers, old blocks of wood and oddly shaped antique doodads that have no readily apparent use.

Any item on the floor is to be considered a fitting and should be worked around and over, but never, ever, moved except when being put to it's original purpose. When finished using, it is not to be put back in its' original place, instead it should be left into the closest free area whereupon it is once again to be considered a fitting. This also includes any broken tools, lawnmowers, obscure blocks of wood and oddly shaped antique doodads that have no readily apparent use.

There should only be one stool or chair in the shed; that's all you need to ponder the whichness of the why... your mates' will quite happily perch on a bench or convenient wood pile to finish their brew. Any more seats practically guarantees an audience of the fairer sex.

bookend

15th June 2006, 02:09 AM

A space reserved for that special machine you haven't bought yet but hope one day to own.

A screaming pillow so that you can express your frustration without having the missus come and investigate.

Wood Borer

15th June 2006, 08:56 AM

Cobwebs

If you have heaps of cobwebs it shows the shed is healthy (supports life forms apart from bacteria, mould and termites)

If you can see the cobwebs (heaps of airborne dust particles) then your lungs are also collecting this muck and you need a dust collector. The better way is to use handtools for the exercise, superior work and keeps the dust down.

They help keep the blowie population down in Summer.

silentC

15th June 2006, 09:10 AM

7. Works In Progress
7a. At any given point in time there shall be no less than 3 works in progress.
7b. If at any point in time there is any likelihood of the number of works in progress dropping below this threshold owing to the impending completion of one of said works, all work is to stop and the thinking position (par 3b) shall be assumed for no less than 15 minutes whilst a new work in progress is decided upon. This work must then be commenced, at least to the point of material being selected and sized, before work on any of the other works in progress may be resumed. It is not acceptable to return to the original work in progress until at least 3 more weekends have been consumed by other activities.
7c.There must be at least one major work (at least 100 man hours; or at least $100 worth of materials; or at least one expensive single use tool purchased solely for the construction of) which remains a work in progress until the day you are carried from the shed with pennies on your eyes.

Harry72

15th June 2006, 09:12 AM

Rule #1. Do not for any reason convert your shed into a bar /pool room... it is bad shed ediquite, build a bar room onto your house instead!(your shed will help you build it...)

Zed

15th June 2006, 09:30 AM

A sign on the door that says "if you hear machinary running do NOT tap me on the shoulder"

old chlorine buckets around the place for off cuts and garbage. each machine should have its own bin, handles are optional. excess buckets should be used for wood storage or makeshift shelving...

a 30m power lead whos job is to sit on a nail.

RufflyRustic

15th June 2006, 09:33 AM

Whatever shed you have, guaranteed it is never going to be big enough. Get used to the idea:cool:

Sheds and tools are not for sharing with S/HWMBO's unless, of course, you both use the shed and contents for the same purpose (rare but does happen)

Cheers
Wendy

jmk89

15th June 2006, 09:52 AM

a shed needs lots of appropriate places to store things - there should be a dedicated place for everything, but everything still seems to go in an odd collection of buckets, ice cream containers, tin cans, old lunch boxes, plastic bags etc left on the bench or a couple of shelves rather than in the place allocated to it.

Andy Mac

15th June 2006, 10:44 AM

Rule number 1. There is no such thing as junk. Throwing a broken Hills hoist gearbox to the dump is not an option. It may one day be needed!

Local rules shall apply, and no discussion will be entered into! Such things as: tools being used for tasks other than that which they were intended (ie. old chisel for opening paint tins); radio station tuning changes according day; choice of bevvie (ie. beer in summer, plonk in winter); latest position for safety glasses; and the use of wood bench for metal work and vice versa will be solely at the discretion of shed owner.

Good thread!!:D :rolleyes:

DanP

15th June 2006, 10:53 AM

A half rotten mouse sleeping in an ear muff.

Markw

15th June 2006, 12:42 PM

A screaming pillow so that you can express your frustration without having the missus come and investigate.

A screaming pillow :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Oh NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

If I'm going to yell "F**K" cause I just hit my thumb with a hammer, I don't want some nancy pillow to stop the sound. Make the shed soundproof if you have kids with sensitive ears (this means less than 5 year olds cause once they get to school they'll teach you some new words). This also helps with heating.

But no pillows - Pillows are for holding bearings in a shed!

Bluegum

15th June 2006, 08:34 PM

The shed is the domain of the owner/s and they can set whatever code of practice they choose. In my shed if i have power tools running then I excpect my visitors to don the PPE as well. My grandfather had a spare of everything in his shed. My grandmother thought he may have had a spare wife down there. i do know where i get my hording addiction from though.

Wild Dingo

21st June 2006, 03:27 AM

Great thread!! And I might say very good timing! If we can get this up and running I will make a nice sign with the code of practice on it to hang in some spare obscure bare patch of wall in the shed

The bench should never be cleaned but should always be covered with something screws offcuts tools gobs of paint glue and such

The floor shall never be swept the 2ft thick mat of sawdust offcuts nails and screws are seen to be charector building and should only be cleaned off to a depth of 1ft only upon loss of child wife or other venturous personage who should know better than to venture into said shed

All sheds should contain at least one fridge for cold storage of beverages for visiting shed connisoors and wood butchers

One stool only... buggar visitors they got bums sit on a log bench floor whatever its MY shed... GET OVER IT

The shed will ALWAYS be too small... GET OVER IT

There will NEVER be enough tools... GET OVER IT

Wendy will NEVER get me to wear that red leather outfit... MOVE ON!!

ooh oops wrong thread :o

ahem... where was I? damn lost the thread of thought or was that chain of thought? red leather of thought? DAMN YOU WOMAN!!! :eek: :p

Cliff Rogers

21st June 2006, 11:31 AM

It does NOT have to be a regular round thing with a bulls eye. (Pic of MIL or Ex work just as good)

Must be mounted in a suitable safe place somewhere within 6ft of a bin.

Should have a back board big enough to accommodate your throwing skills.

Used for snapped drill bits, stripped screws, farqups, balls of 2nd hand masking tape, offcuts & stubby twist tops. :D

Driver

21st June 2006, 07:49 PM

To everyone who has contributed ideas so far: Goodonya! The quality of your contributions and the thought processes behind them are tributes to the sagacity and erudition of the membership of these forums.

Keep the ideas flowing, boys and girls. They're all valid and they demand inclusion in the Code of Practice.

I'm trying to put this together in a decent layout, incorporating all the ideas that have been contributed up to now. I may have something to show you tomorrow.

Col

Cliff Rogers

21st June 2006, 08:04 PM

Where do you keep them in your shed Col? :confused: :D

echnidna

21st June 2006, 08:13 PM

But I'd rather do it than practise :D

MarkV

21st June 2006, 10:51 PM

Sadly Gents I feel that this forum is not secure enough to enable me to post what I feel to be the essential items in any proposed Code of Pratice. :p loose lips sink ships and all that ey wot ??

echnidna

21st June 2006, 11:00 PM

Sadly Gents I feel that this forum is not secure enough to enable me to post what I feel to be the essential items in any proposed Code of Pratice. :p loose lips sink ships and all that ey wot ??

Please feel free to post,
after all this is not the boating section:D

MarkV

21st June 2006, 11:03 PM

Boating section :p Most excellent :)

Bodgy

21st June 2006, 11:08 PM

My shed, my rules.

I may well be pussy whipped in the house, I accept this for the sake of a quiet life.

Not in the shed!

Driver

21st June 2006, 11:11 PM

My shed, my rules.

I may well be pussy whipped in the house, I accept this for the sake of a quiet life.

Not in the shed!

Well, exactly!

Cliff Rogers

21st June 2006, 11:34 PM

Horse whip, yeap.
Bull whip, yeap.
Pussy whip???? :rolleyes:
Wongo, would that be some kind of a puree? :D

Driver

21st June 2006, 11:38 PM

Where do you keep them in your shed Col? :confused: :D

Ginge, me old mate, I keep 'em next to the fridge, ready to be exercised when I'm having a coldie.;)

Cliff Rogers

21st June 2006, 11:58 PM

Arh, you mean like Grolsch & the beugel? ;)

(look them up in Wikki) :D

Skew ChiDAMN!!

22nd June 2006, 12:13 AM

Walls and roof do not a shed make. Where the sawdust falls, it's "in the shed."

...and what good's a Code of Practice without fine print? :rolleyes: Stuff like:

Installing a safety guard on a machine you've used for years without one is just begging for trouble.

The quickest route to the hospital often involves removing a safety guard.

No matter the shed or the rules, remember this: Transgressors will be persecuted.

Cliff Rogers

22nd June 2006, 12:24 AM

.... Transgressors will be persecuted.

Is that anything like p'd upon?:confused:

RETIRED

22nd June 2006, 01:20 AM

jmk89

22nd June 2006, 08:51 AM

... and the mates car bonnet if he stays too long.

make that ".. and the mate (or any other visitor) or his car bonnet....":D

RufflyRustic

22nd June 2006, 09:57 AM

....snip.....
Wendy will NEVER get me to wear that red leather outfit... MOVE ON!!

ooh oops wrong thread :o

ahem... where was I? damn lost the thread of thought or was that chain of thought? red leather of thought? DAMN YOU WOMAN!!! :eek: :p

http://www.ubeaut.biz/laughing.gif :D

If 'red leather' and suchhttp://www.ubeaut.biz/boobies.gif is going to be hung on the walls of sheds, consider rigging an emergency cover for them. Beware the http://www.ubeaut.biz/gonnagetit.gif who finds them, doesn't like them and gets rid of them for you and anything else in her way at that time.....

cheers
Wendy

Driver

22nd June 2006, 03:15 PM

OK. Here's a first draft. It's quite a long document. No apologies for that. This is important stuff and it contains contributions from many very serious intellects (see earlier posts).

I've protected it so that if you add anything the additions can be tracked. However, I suggest that you simply post any suggested additions into this thread.

This is a work in progress. All suggested additions and amendments are welcome - indeed they are encouraged. This is our Code of Practice. Let's make it a good one!

Col

Driver

22nd June 2006, 03:17 PM

All flat surfaces no matter how narrow, wide or long are deemed to be storage or work areas, this includes lathes, machines (table saws etc), cabinets or tables being built and the mates car bonnet if he stays too long.

Sorry , missed that one :o . However, it's an excellent contribution and it will be added to the Code! :)

Pat

22nd June 2006, 03:51 PM

Driver, a concise document. You should be rewarded for your efforts!

Andy Mac

22nd June 2006, 04:16 PM

Mate that is truly a document of erudite wisdom and perception! I picked up only one spelling mistake (a "look" instead of "like"), but really a top effort! well done.
Now to have it printed and laminated...but where to put the thing...it won't fit under the "Good Shed" award, I'm not moving the Angelina Jolie calendar, and maybe I don't drink VB anymore, but the advertising placard is sacred!:D

Cheers,

Cliff Rogers

22nd June 2006, 04:32 PM

Top effort. :D :D :D

Appendix A, item 7, 4th word should be 'never'

Felder

22nd June 2006, 04:36 PM

A seriously impressive document, Col - a real credit to yourself and the Forum.:D

Now I know that we aren't supposed to get into too much religious discussion here, but..................I think I've found a new bible.....;)

Skew ChiDAMN!!

22nd June 2006, 08:27 PM

Is that anything like p'd upon?:confused:

Exactly. "You push my buttons, I'll punch yours."

My only problem now is finding a sheet of timber big enough to rout the Code into. I wonder if an outside wall counts as a plaque?

Glenn_M

22nd June 2006, 08:43 PM

Driver, whilst I totally agree in spirit I have one small problem....the ban on

"Any drink containing cherries."

I'd like to apply for an exemption. My other waste of time, sorry hobby, is brewing and a favourite brew is a Belgian Lambic style beer of which cherries are a critical component.

Unfortunately some other Lambics also contain fruit of other varieties but I swear they are never served with umbrellas!

So can I have an exemption or am I covered by the fact that it's a beer and therefore allowed under 8.3.6 Blokey Drinks?

Cheers,
Glenn

Driver

22nd June 2006, 10:44 PM

I'd like to apply for an exemption. My other waste of time, sorry hobby, is brewing and a favourite brew is a Belgian Lambic style beer of which cherries are a critical component.

Glenn

I'm not the arbiter of issues to do with the Code of Practice. I have merely participated - along with other august members of these forums - in drafting it. How a bloke should interpret the Code is a matter for the bloke - in this case - you. So, rather than reply, I will refer you to the Code of Practice:-

para 3 - Definitions

sub para - 3.1 [Bloke- a bloke is the owner, occupier and user of his shed.

and

sub para 3.2 Shed - a shed is the domain, demesne and realm of a bloke.

(One way to interpret these sections of the Code would be to say that what a bloke does in his shed is - up to a point - up to him).

So can I have an exemption or am I covered by the fact that it's a beer and therefore allowed under 8.3.6 Blokey Drinks?

Looks to me like you've answered your own question, mate. I will, however, take issue with an inaccuracy in your quoting the relevant paragraph from the Code. You use the word 'Blokey'.

Banish this abhorrent term from your lexicon, son!

It's a word used by women to denigrate blokes and our activities. The correct term is 'Blokely'. More accurate, I think you'll agree. And it possesses the virtue that you're unlikely to hear a woman use it.

'Blokely'. Practise it: 'Blokely'. That's it! All together now: 'BLOKELY!!!!'

Thanks for the question, Glenn. You've given a practical demonstration of the value of putting some shape to the Code of Practice. Goodonya!

Col

Driver

22nd June 2006, 10:51 PM

Top effort. :D :D :D

Appendix A, item 7, 4th word should be 'never'

Ginger

It's a rare day when you and I disagree but mate, read that section again. If the word 'never' was to be inserted in place of 'ever' we'd have a double negative. To whit:-

"No bloke shall never be required etc ..."

Tsk, tsk. My old English teacher would revolve about her vertical axis, mate!

Toodle pip!

Col

Bodgy

22nd June 2006, 11:48 PM

Dear Aunty Agony Driver

I am in a quandry. I have always thought of myself as a non PC, non black armband, un metro sexual, rude, crass slob. As such I felt a warm kinship to your 'Charter of Shed Rights'

However, I have just experienced a stabbing pang of angst.

I often burn incence in the shed, when alone with my tools and the wood.

Have I turned into a pillow biter, nascient politician, limp wristed Chardonnay socialist, PC dyke, Caroline Jones, Richard Jones, local Government councillor, Kofi Annan or a Public Servant soccer fan? Has Fat Kim got the hots for me?

Is this deviant sort of revanchism OK with the blokes? I could seek treatment!

Please advise.

scooter

23rd June 2006, 02:10 AM

Great job Col ! :D

Love Appendix A Rule 24 :p

Cheers.................Sean

RufflyRustic

23rd June 2006, 09:56 AM

The code doesn't mention Red Leather or Darkside Sisters. I think a little disclaimer somewhere might be needed.......

Cliff Rogers

23rd June 2006, 10:21 AM

....

"No bloke shall never be required etc ..."

...

Oops, read it as "A bloke shall ever be required etc...."

Sorry. :D

Cliff Rogers

23rd June 2006, 10:23 AM

The code doesn't mention Red Leather or Darkside Sisters. I think a little disclaimer somewhere might be needed.......

This is a Code for a bloke's shed, you need a Code for a sheila's shed. :D

Driver

23rd June 2006, 11:20 AM

Dear Aunty Agony Driver

I am in a quandry. I have always thought of myself as a non PC, non black armband, un metro sexual, rude, crass slob. As such I felt a warm kinship to your 'Charter of Shed Rights'

Er, that's 'Code of Practice', Bodge - and it's not mine, it's ours (see para 2 - Drafting Committee - with its references to a nationwide body of experts etc)

I often burn incence in the shed, when alone with my tools and the wood.

Tsk, tsk. However, the Code says (para 4 - Purposes sub para 4.2 - The purpose of a shed)

'The purpose of a shed is to provide an environment and territory wherein a bloke has total and complete dominion and control.'

Have I turned into a pillow biter, nascient politician, limp wristed Chardonnay socialist, PC dyke, Caroline Jones, Richard Jones, local Government councillor, Kofi Annan or a Public Servant soccer fan?

Possibly.

Has Fat Kim got the hots for me?

Couldn't say. I'm not privy to the Beezer's innermost (or even his outermost) urges, thankfully.

Is this deviant sort of revanchism OK with the blokes? I could seek treatment!

Please advise.

Whaddaya reckon, blokes?

Ian007

23rd June 2006, 11:31 AM

I think I speak for Harry72,Tankstand as well as myself can we please get Jack Daniels added to the list of allowed drinks under 8.3.6

While I think about it I drink my Jacks with coke, this has bubbles.

I think we need to add

"Spirits mixed with Coke, no poofter cola crap OK, only the real thing will do, premixed cans are permissable"

Thanks Ian:)

silentC

23rd June 2006, 11:34 AM

Whaddaya reckon, blokes?
I think as long as you ask "what's that poofy pong?" whenever another bloke comes in, it will probably be OK. You could blame the missus - although that might be construed as a breach by giving her access in the first place - it's probably a lesser offence.

To be safe, I think the best thing to do is to build yourself a gas fired furnace and torch the stuff properly, then melt a few kilos of empty beer cans for the hell of it. Kudos if you can set fire to something expensive in the process.

RufflyRustic

23rd June 2006, 11:34 AM

Okey Dokey - One Sheila Code coming up...... Sometime......:)

cheers
Wendy

Driver

23rd June 2006, 11:46 AM

I think I speak for Harry72,Tankstand as well as myself can we please get Jack Daniels added to the list of allowed drinks under 8.3.6

Don't see the problem, Ian. I would refer you to sub para 8.3.6.7:-

'Anything that you can ignite ....'

Cousin Jack would qualify, surely?

Incidentally, thanks to some good work from, amongst others, the axe-wielding mongrel, I have been able to amend and augment the Code, strengthening portions of it. A copy of the latest version is attached, with revisions highlighted in yellow.

Further amendments and revisions will be incorporated as you all bend your massive intellects to the task.

All contributions are welcomed.

Wendy, I admire your resolve. A Sheila's Code would be a tough one. For a start, how do you spell that noise you all make whenever you see something cute? ;)

Toodle Pip!

Col

Cliff Rogers

23rd June 2006, 01:56 PM

Don't see the problem, Ian. I would refer you to sub para 8.3.6.7:-

'Anything that you can ignite ....'

Cousin Jack would qualify, surely?

....

or that makes your eyes water

RufflyRustic

23rd June 2006, 02:24 PM

snip.....
Wendy, I admire your resolve. A Sheila's Code would be a tough one. For a start, how do you spell that noise you all make whenever you see something cute? ;)

Toodle Pip!

Col

Yep, it will be tough but fun :D

That noise, now what noise would that be:confused: . I really don't think I make whatever noise that might be. Do I? ...............

cheers
Wendy

Skew ChiDAMN!!

23rd June 2006, 05:22 PM

Hmmm... here's a problem I've had in the past. Interesting times, but I'm glad they're long gone. Now I'm wondering how the Code would be applied, if it could...

5 blokes in a block of flats persuade the body corporate to erect a shed for shared use.

While standing around in the shed having a few brews, one of 'em comments to the others that his SWMBO's complaining about how much time he spends in "his" shed. The other blokes immediately take umbrage to this.

The first, a woodie, says "Your shed? More than half the tools in here are mine! So if it's anyones, it's mine."

The second, a mechanic, comes back with "Hold on... I may not have as many tools as you, nor take up as much space, but my tools cost twice as much as all of yours put together."

The 3rd, a general handyman, quickly retorted "Maybe so, but for all that you blokes have all those fancy tools, whenever I come out to see what you're doing you're always using MY tools! Mine are the most used, my shed. Nyaah!" (All handymen seem to be a bit twisted. Trade-envy, I think. :rolleyes: )

The bloke who made the original comment responds with "Yeah, but the Missus has a point. I spend more time out here than all you blokes put together. After all, none of you have to put up with her. I'm practically living here. BTW, we really need to add a dunny."

The last... ermm... guy, a limp-wristed hair-dresser who'd been sitting back quietly, sipping his fizzy pink drink (complete with umberella) finally chipped in with "Yeth. But it'th my bar refrigerator." (That's a beer 'frig to normal blokes. For our northernmost brothers, it's an esky with a power cord.)

Now, who wins this argument?
.
.
.
.
.
.
The way I see it, the last is the clincher. At least, until the 'frig is empty. After all, the question was "who wins this argument" not "who wins the (empty, really) title of 'owner'?" :D

But as far as the nominal title of "owner" of the shed goes, who would win assuming we could apply the Code of Practice? Anyone? Or should they all just be given a clip around the ear and the hair-dresser sent to the sin bin for failing to meet the minimum standards of blokeliness? (But surely he'd have special exemption; he does own the beer 'frig after all! :eek: Well... until after the other four have all chipped in to buy another 'frig, anyway. ;))

Dan

23rd June 2006, 06:22 PM

From appendix A

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

Not sure I can agree with this one. As the owner of an XR8 Falcon ute I can say without a doubt that the sight of a girlfriend driving said vehicle can be "good". To explain any further could render me unblokley.

When Lee Kernigan was asked in an interview if he allowed his wife to drive his kitted out Land Cruiser trayback, his reply was that he encouraged it! This was said with a large grin and proves I'm not the only one.

Besides, how else do you get home from a party when you're pi$$ed?

Driver

23rd June 2006, 07:57 PM

Skew

Tough one, mate!

However, the Code is here to help us to resolve these difficult philosophical issues. Here's my suggested rationale, based upon a glass of red and a hard look at the Code.

I started at para 3 Definitions, sub para 3.1 Bloke

" - a bloke is the owner, occupier and user of his shed. For further elucidation .....' etc (references to the Appendices).

The key point here is that right at the beginning of the Code, the shed's owner is defined as a bloke.

Problem: we have 5 (five) blokes all claiming ownership. So - who is the most blokely?

Aha! The Code supplies a ready solution. Refer to Appendix B - Blokeness Quotient. Get them all to take the test, measure their comparative Blokeness Quotients and the most blokely bloke is, by definition, the owner. In the event of a tie, the contenders will be required to examine some ancient tool (see para 6 - Tools, sub para 6.2.1 - .... a tool that has no known use ....) originally belonging to an ancestor of one of the less blokely former contenders. The bloke who comes up with the most plausible explanation for its application and use, wins.

How's that?

Col - (who is open to well-articulated and referenced argument).

Driver

23rd June 2006, 08:04 PM

To explain any further could render me unblokley.

Mate! There you have it. You're toying with a possible Code Violation. (Insert noisy intake of breath). Don't know quite how to advise you. Ve-e-ery tricky.:confused:

Col

Dan

23rd June 2006, 09:32 PM

An example

Angelina Jolie (in full Tomb Raider kit) askes if she can drive your Land Rover. Yes or No?

Obviously the example is extreme but it shows that there may need to be some sort of sliding scale applied, or possibly make it the individuals decision without the risk of a code violation.

Driver

23rd June 2006, 09:48 PM

Mate, if Angelina Jolie wants to drive my Land Rover then bugger the Rules of Blokeness, the Blokeness Quotient, the Code of Practice and you bloody lot too!

I'm yours Angelina, so's me bloody Land Rover! Yee Haaaaa!

Dan

23rd June 2006, 09:55 PM

Driver

23rd June 2006, 10:00 PM

One aspect that hasn't been covered in the code is shed attire. For me this usually involves either King Gee or Ruggers shorts, T-shirt and thongs for summer, with the addition of a Flannelette shirt for winter. What say the rest of the committee?

Good thinking. Let's have your fully codified contribution while I stand on a corner - dangling me car keys and waiting for Angelina.

doug the slug

23rd June 2006, 10:32 PM

... shed attire. For me this usually involves either King Gee or Ruggers shorts,

I dont like ruggers!!!! i hate ruggers!!!!!

the pockets are just wrong! all the change falls out of your pockets whenever you sit down

Cliff Rogers

23rd June 2006, 11:19 PM

Attire comes under the bit about the bloke doing whatever he likes in his own shed.:cool:

Maybe something could be said about the attire of visitors but I think we risk making the document a horse choker if we to go as far as stating the bloody obvious like NO PINK TUTUS (unless you are Angelina Jolie :rolleyes: ):D :D

Skew ChiDAMN!!

23rd June 2006, 11:31 PM

Even if Angelina Jolie was hanging over my shoulder at the lathe,I'd still insist on a minimum dress requirement of ear-muffs & dust-mask/respirator.

Hmmm... come to that, in her case I'd be a very happy chappy if it was the maximum dress requirement too. :rolleyes:

Dan

23rd June 2006, 11:46 PM

Let's have your fully codified contribution while I stand on a corner - dangling me car keys and waiting for Angelina.

Ok, try this.

9. Shed clothing shall consist of pants and shirt, footwear optional with a minimum standard being thongs, boots are ok, underwear is discouraged.

9.1 Materials

9.1.1 Clothing shall be primarily cotton (preferably drill or flanellette) with small amounts of polyester allowable in T-shirts.
9.1.2 Boots shall be made from leather.
9.1.4 Thongs shall be rubber and of the double plug variety.

9.2 Colour
9.2.1 Clothing may be any colour other than pink and should be at least one shade lighter than the original colour.

9.3 Prohibited items
9.3.1 Trucker Caps, Berets, Scarves, Nylon Tracksuits and any item that causes concern from either yourself or significant other when contaminated with paint or glue.

9.4 Exemptions
9.4.1 Nylon football shorts may be worn only if you were a member of a team or have supported a team for a period of no less than five years.
9.4.2 Sports type shoes may be worn by those who experience significant discomfort without them.
9.4.2 For Blokes in cold climates a woolen jumper and beanie is allowable with a preference given to moth eaten items.

Skew ChiDAMN!!

23rd June 2006, 11:51 PM

Errrmmm... Dan? Does a bandanna count as a scarf?

Hint: the answer better bloody well be NO, unless you wanna meet the shop dog. :mad:;) :p

Oh... and what's the difference between a trucker cap and a forum cap, besides the choice of advertising? :rolleyes:

Waldo

24th June 2006, 12:22 AM

G'day,

Shed attire, well for me that counts as jeans with at least one hole on the left leg of my jeans (somehow all my jeans I wear in the shed wear a large hole on the left leg :confused: ), shirt and now jumpers with paint all over them (all your fault Skew)

And now my shed attire has become usual garb for when I'm working my day job, it's only when I see clients that I look respectable. My shed attire also transends to going down to Bunnies or other places.

So, is this corelation of shed attire and lack of caring what the general public thinks of how we dress reflect back on us or do we really care what they think? After all you can't judge a book by its cover.

A great document Driver, worthing of printing and for putting up for general reading thereof when others visit the legal owner of said shed who don't understand what a "shed" is and the rituals and rites that accompany said shed and have ownership thereof. I shall email said document to my FIL for a stir :D , anything to stir FIL is worthy of such things)

May I add one point somewhere in your document, to the effect that owners of sheds and all that resides in it and by this ownership of a shed have unlimited rites of visitation rites to said shed at any given time of day for any length of time regardless of anything else that needs to be done, even be it for the purpose of leaning to ponder and think.

Skew ChiDAMN!!

24th June 2006, 12:38 AM

Shed attire, well for me that counts as jeans with at least one hole on the left leg of my jeans (somehow all my jeans I wear in the shed wear a large hole on the left leg :confused: ), shirt and now jumpers with paint all over them (all your fault Skew)

:D You have a problem with waterproofing? It's a good way to determine which paints & finishes have penetrating power though, innit? If it falls off my clothes in the wash, it doesn't go anywhere near my wood. ;)

And now my shed attire has become usual garb for when I'm working my day job, it's only when I see clients that I look respectable. My shed attire also transends to going down to Bunnies or other places.

So, is this corelation of shed attire and lack of caring what the general public thinks of how we dress reflect back on us or do we really care what they think? After all you can't judge a book by its cover.

It's called "a cunning plan." Now that your office is in the shed (how's it going, BTW?) if you were wearing a zoot-suit during working hours it's a dead give-away to SWMBO when you slip a few mins of shed time in. But once she gets used to seeing you getting about the office in your shed clothes, well... I can't very well imagine her getting upset about a spot of white-out on your flannel shirt. :rolleyes:

Accusations of "You've been working in the office when you should be playing in the shed!"?? I don't think so, Ollie. :D

Waldo

24th June 2006, 12:45 AM

"You've been working in the office when you should be playing in the shed!"?? I don't think so, Ollie. :D

G'day Skew,

Little did I relaise that when SWMBO told me to thence out of house and build office in shed that it would open up so many possibilities.

As far as progress goes: the external walls are on, ceiling is up and fully plastered, 2 coats of undercoat are done on celing as of tonight and top coat goes on tomorrow.

Currently working out colour schemes and fittings and about to get the sparky in.

Ian007

24th June 2006, 10:54 AM

Don't see the problem, Ian. I would refer you to sub para 8.3.6.7:-

'Anything that you can ignite ....'

Cousin Jack would qualify, surely?

Col

A point to note, a mixed drink will not ignite and jacks does not burn very well, I know I tried last night.

and Beer has bubbles so does that make it a chaps drink??

Cliff Rogers

24th June 2006, 12:47 PM

Don't be so bloody picky or you'll get ya self chucked out of the shed.....
Beer is beer.
It doesn't matter if it has bubbles or was made from cherries, it is still beer. (just don't get caught with one of those little umbrellas in it unless you are horribly sheyetfaced drunk or looking for a fight.:cool: )
Shut up & drink it. :D

Driver

24th June 2006, 02:03 PM

Thanks to everyone who is contributing to this thread. All your contributions are very welcome and they are providing useful debate and discussion.

To answer some of your concerns:-

Dan – great work on the issue of clothing (aka shed attire). Some of your suggestions are very worthwhile and some perhaps a bit too narrowly-defined. However, they will certainly be heavily featured in the next set of revisions. (No sign of Angelina yet, by the way, I think she might have stood me up).

Skew – a bandanna shall not constitute a scarf – that’s got to be a given. Bandannas are blokely attire, no question. Scarves are worn by chaps.

Waldo – you raise an important issue re visitation rights – this will be included.

Ian007 – Don’t burn it, mate. Drink it. And Cliff’s got a point : beer is beer. The fact that beer is so manifestly a prominent part of the list of Blokely drinks (sub para 8.3.6) overrides any doubts about it’s alleged status as a Chap’s drink (sub para 8.3.7). It may contain bubbles but bubbles in beer are demonstrably and obviously blokely bubbles. The kind of bubbles being referred to in sub para 8.3.7.4 are similar in nature to the balloons Ozzy Osbourne meant when he said:

“Balloons, Sharon? ####in’ balloons? I can’t have ####in’ balloons on stage with me, Sharon! I’m supposed to be the Prince of ####in’ Darkness!”

The latest revisions will be incorporated and an updated version of the Code of Practice issued – probably tomorrow.

Keep ‘em coming!

Toodle pip!

Col

Waldo

24th June 2006, 02:06 PM

G'day Driver,

Look forward to the next revision. :cool:

This should be included in Best of the Best, and seconders to pass my motion?

Dan

24th June 2006, 03:47 PM

Dan – great work on the issue of clothing (aka shed attire). Some of your suggestions are very worthwhile and some perhaps a bit too narrowly-defined.
Yeah, got a bit carried away, edit as you see fit.;)

No sign of Angelina yet, by the way, I think she might have stood me up.

I think she's temporarily distracted by that Brad Pitt clown (bet he doesn't even have a shed:eek: ). It's only a matter of time mate.:D

doug the slug

24th June 2006, 06:52 PM

Bandannas are blokely attire, no question. Scarves are worn by chaps.

and what do we call the ones who wear cravats?:confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

Auld Bassoon

24th June 2006, 07:54 PM

G'day Driver,

Look forward to the next revision. :cool:

This should be included in Best of the Best, and seconders to pass my motion?

Seconded! Definitely - and a Gold Star to Driver!

doug the slug

24th June 2006, 08:35 PM

This should be included in Best of the Best, and seconders to pass my motion?

Best of the best? i think it deserves greater accolades than that! put it in the Forum Ruleshttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon14.gif

Driver

25th June 2006, 01:02 PM

OK. Here's the latest update. I've added an an Index page at the front and an Acknowledgements page at the back.

In the body of the text, the additions and amendments are highlighted in yellow and they include:-

- A very important addition to sub-para 4.2 - The purpose of the shed.

- A new paragraph on Visiting Rights (sub-para 5.12).

- A vitally important section on Cock-ups in para 7.

- A whole new section on Bloke's Attire (para 10)

Unless anyone can come up with something vital that we might inadvertently have missed, I reckon we're close to having a finished Code of Practice. Whaddaya reckon?

Col

Driver

25th June 2006, 01:52 PM

Well that's interesting. It seems that one of the immutable Laws of Shed Physics also applies to the drafting of Codes of Practice.

I've just found the compulsory cock-up (in accordance with sub para 7.4 - Cock-ups). Well, two of them actually. :o :rolleyes: So I am exercising my rights under sub para 7.4.3.2 and claiming a design feature.

However, here's a further revision, including a section on "A place for everything ... etc" and a corrected typo on the Acknowledgements page.

Toodle Pip!

Col

DanP

25th June 2006, 02:17 PM

Blokes will not make physical contact with each other in any way in the shed unless,

in the case of inadvertant contact during the passing of a tool or beverage.
in the case of first meeting a new bloke where the shaking of hands is permitted.
in the case of medical emergency and only by suitably qualified paramedics. All other blokes present will stand to one side and utter appropriate sledging regarding the soft penile nature of the bloke being treated.In the case of another mate entering the shed, he may only be greeted by a slight nod of the head and a barely audible grunt of acknowledgement.

DanP

25th June 2006, 02:22 PM

A bloke will use up every sharp tool in the shed including those not really appropriate to the task at hand, prior to sharpening any tool. The bloke will only then sharpen said tools on an "as required" basis.

DanP

25th June 2006, 02:28 PM

Each Code of Practice should have a dictionary or glossary of terms included. My first suggestion for the dictionary is:

Mallet: Any item close at hand with sufficient heft to complete the task.

RETIRED

25th June 2006, 02:39 PM

Day off Dan?:D OR better yet a slow day at work?:D

DanP

25th June 2006, 02:44 PM

On carers leave.

MrsP had an operation Tues so had to take some time off. ;)

DanP

25th June 2006, 02:56 PM

Where a bloke is required to leave the environs of the shed, he should do so wearing a nail bag and with a blunt and half chewed chippies pencil behind his ear. Whilst out of the sanctity of the shed, he should stand and stare meaningfully on several occasions. This is to convince curious onlookers of his busy nature and deter any thoughts of giving the bloke an unblokely task.

DanP

25th June 2006, 03:02 PM

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (ie, can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

However, any woman who shows superior knowledge on any matter whatsoever, shall be banned forthwith.

Driver

25th June 2006, 06:43 PM

This is good work, Dan. It closes off a few gaps in the Code's provisions. Your recommendations will be incorporated into the next update.

However, I reckon you might have opened a whole new field of endeavour in suggesting a glossary. Worthwhile, there can be little doubt. But I wonder if it doesn't need another document, separate from the Code of Practice.

Col

Driver

25th June 2006, 07:13 PM

It occurs to me that if you want to print a version of the Code, it might be more convenient in A5 size rather than A4.

The smaller format will sit handily alongside your copy of Neil's seminal work: "A Polishers Handbook". Here's what the two formats look like alongside Neil's book.

When I post the next update, I'll include separate files for each of the two sizes.

The front covers with the illustration will have to be posted as separate files because they would otherwise exceed the 100 KB limit for attachments.

Col

Zed

26th June 2006, 08:26 AM

Mate,

"Code of Practice" - hereby known as C.O.P.

Appendix A & B: is this original input by the ubeat team ? if previous knowledge is drawn upon it should be appropriately indexed, attributed and referenced.... we would not want the rules to be unable to be held up in court due to plaguarism... see recent court case of Metallica v's Kaza - viz pirating, royalties & illegal distribution.

I think appendix c should disappear - ive seen it elsewhere on the net. It adds no value to "shed-iquette..." if this is truely a "C.O.P." drawn up by the ubeaut team then there should be no plagarism, or, if previous knowledge is drawn upon it should be appropriately indexed, aatributed and referenced....

additionally, with due respect - shouldnot feedback from female bretheren be discounted? Perhaps a seperate sub-section for blokette's with thier own rules of operations - eg "Whiff of Lavender". After all "bloke" is the masculine pronoun. (No offence ladies...)

A formal "cut-off date" should be published whereby input shall not be accepted for publication into "Issue 1.0" - further input should be considered for subsequent issues of the C.O.P.

I suggest some of our "legal team" be bought into this discussion prior to finalisation of first issue. May I suggest Boban Esq. ? Unless legal ratification has been obtained then this can be no more than a rough draft to be "considered by the committee."

Once we have ratification I will take an action point to dress the document in correct "Mickeysoft word" format following formal documentation guidelines.

sincerely,

Zed (committee member):)

Driver

26th June 2006, 12:22 PM

Appendix A & B: is this original input by the ubeat team ? if previous knowledge is drawn upon it should be appropriately indexed, attributed and referenced.... we would not want the rules to be unable to be held up in court due to plaguarism... see recent court case of Metallica v's Kaza - viz pirating, royalties & illegal distribution.

No – it’s not original input from the team, it was drawn from various different emails that have been circulating for years. You make a good point about appropriate attribution and referencing, though. I think if we do something to cover that, we won’t face any issues over plagiarism – even of the bubonic variety ;) .

I think appendix c should disappear - ive seen it elsewhere on the net. It adds no value to "shed-iquette..." if this is truely a "C.O.P." drawn up by the ubeaut team then there should be no plagarism, or, if previous knowledge is drawn upon it should be appropriately indexed, aatributed and referenced....

See above re attribution etc. I would prefer to leave it in but I’ll be happy to have others comment on its inclusion.

additionally, with due respect - shouldnot feedback from female bretheren be discounted? Perhaps a seperate sub-section for blokette's with thier own rules of operations - eg "Whiff of Lavender". After all "bloke" is the masculine pronoun. (No offence ladies...)
Zed, mate, you do like a good stir, don’t you? :rolleyes: Wendy has already said she wants to publish a Sheila’s version. I reckon that would be a worthwhile endeavour. What do other committee members think?

A formal "cut-off date" should be published whereby input shall not be accepted for publication into "Issue 1.0" - further input should be considered for subsequent issues of the C.O.P.

I suggest some of our "legal team" be bought into this discussion prior to finalisation of first issue. May I suggest Boban Esq. ? Unless legal ratification has been obtained then this can be no more than a rough draft to be "considered by the committee."
Now you’re really beginning to sound like a committee man. :eek: This is a classic recipe for doing nothing!

Once we have ratification I will take an action point to dress the document in correct "Mickeysoft word" format following formal documentation guidelines.
I have no idea what this last bit means. It reads like it was lifted right out of a public service memorandum! Do you want to provide a translation?:p

Col

Driver

26th June 2006, 12:32 PM

How about something like this on the Acknowledgements page:-

Source Material

The Drafting Committee is grateful to the various anonymous creative minds who provided the brilliant original work on the following:-

Appendix A – Rules of Blokeness.

Appendix B – Blokeness Quotient.

Appendix C – Because I Am A Bloke.

These important documents have been circulating as emails for some years. The Drafting Committee is proud to have an opportunity to include them here and to acknowledge their original creators – even though the nature of generally distributed emails makes it impossible for that acknowledgement to be anything other than anonymous.