John & Alexander

[Eastie]

John calls Alexander into his office.

'Alexander', he says, 'I need to talk to you about your performance on our “attack our neighbours without warning” campaign over the last week, you were bloody hopeless, completely off form.

'Sorry boss', says Alexander. 'I've not been myself lately. I've got a few problems at home.'

'Oh dear' says little John, 'What's up? the wife and kids Ok?'

'Oh, they're fine, it's just that something is really bugging me and I'm losing sleep and everything. I can't concentrate on my lying and back peddling and it's really messing my head up.'

'Whatever's the matter?' says John

'Well boss, It's pretty serious. The missus bought this jigsaw puzzle the other day and.........'

'A JIGSAW??' shouts John. 'You're going to pieces because of a jigsaw?'

'Yeah boss, but you don't understand, it's really doing me head in!' says Alexander, 'It's really hard, it's this picture of a bird and it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I just can't get it right and it's doing my head in and, and.........'

'Alexander, Alexander, Alexander' says John, 'You better get a grip son and quick.'

'Ok boss, but.............It's this picture of a bird and it looks really easy on the box and I'm sure I've got all the bits and everything but I can't do it and it's doing my head in and.......and....it's a colourful bird and it looks easy but it's really hard and er, it's a bright bird and everything, er.. on the box... er..... sorry boss.'

'Ok, Ok' says John, 'bring in the bloody jigsaw and let's have a look shall we. It can't be that difficult'.

'Thanks boss.' says Alexander.

So Alexander brings in the jigsaw and takes it to Johns office. 'Here it is boss' he says, showing John the picture on the box, look boss, it's a bird right, and it's a really good picture and everything but I just can't do it and it's really hard and it's doing my head in and everything..'

Alexander empties all the pieces from the box all over John's desk.

John looks at what’s on the desk, looks up with his head in his hands and says to Alexander...........


'Put the Fruit Loops back in the box Alexander'.............

[Iain]

And Paddy was feeling pretty pleased with himself as he announced he had just finished a jigsaw, "I finished it in three weeks" he proudly exclaimed "and on the box it says 3 to 5 years".