Kev Y.
4th April 2002, 04:50 PM
MEMORANDUM
From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: Team Mates
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys,
We've all been putting in long hours recently and we've really come
together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the
poster that says "There is no 'I' in team" as well as the Garfield that
says "Hang In There, Baby." Very humorous.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the
cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the carpet dust in our cave. We want
to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we
need to sweep the cave daily, I've done my bit on the cleaning
rota...........have you? I've posted a sign up sheet near the cave
reception area (next to the halal toaster).
Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare most of the world population, okay? That means that while we're
taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background or keep
doing the 'Wassup' thing. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea Slices
were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team chanting and all that, but, we must distance
ourselves from the Westerner's bat and ball game. Please do not chant
"Ossy Ossy Ossy Oi Oi Oi" every time I ride past on the donkey. Thanks
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Mohammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Dave.
Love you lots, Group Hug.
Os.
PS - I'm sick of having Osama's Bed Linen scribbled on my bed sheets - Cut it out Abdul, not funny anymore
CAUTION - This message may contain privileged and confidential information
intended only for the use of the addressee named above. If you are not the
intended recipient of this message, especially if you are one of the afore
mentioned Western Soldiers, you are hereby notified that any use,
distribution or reproduction of this message is prohibited, under US Law,
(we have a team of specialist 'Lawyers' to protect against such misuse). So
be a nice Western Imperial Dog and forget you ever saw it, OK. If you have
received this message in error then, oops sorry, please notify your nearest
Jihad recruitment office. They have an office right around the corner.
From: Bin Laden, Osama
To: Team Mates
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys,
We've all been putting in long hours recently and we've really come
together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the
poster that says "There is no 'I' in team" as well as the Garfield that
says "Hang In There, Baby." Very humorous.
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the
cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the carpet dust in our cave. We want
to avoid excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) - so we
need to sweep the cave daily, I've done my bit on the cleaning
rota...........have you? I've posted a sign up sheet near the cave
reception area (next to the halal toaster).
Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
scare most of the world population, okay? That means that while we're
taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background or keep
doing the 'Wassup' thing. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on
the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea Slices
were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Fourth: I'm not against team chanting and all that, but, we must distance
ourselves from the Westerner's bat and ball game. Please do not chant
"Ossy Ossy Ossy Oi Oi Oi" every time I ride past on the donkey. Thanks
Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Mohammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Dave.
Love you lots, Group Hug.
Os.
PS - I'm sick of having Osama's Bed Linen scribbled on my bed sheets - Cut it out Abdul, not funny anymore
CAUTION - This message may contain privileged and confidential information
intended only for the use of the addressee named above. If you are not the
intended recipient of this message, especially if you are one of the afore
mentioned Western Soldiers, you are hereby notified that any use,
distribution or reproduction of this message is prohibited, under US Law,
(we have a team of specialist 'Lawyers' to protect against such misuse). So
be a nice Western Imperial Dog and forget you ever saw it, OK. If you have
received this message in error then, oops sorry, please notify your nearest
Jihad recruitment office. They have an office right around the corner.