Bumper / car stickers

[Christopha]

Anyone got some good ones?

I spotted this one on a car on the Geelong road last Sunday..... EASTER sunday!:D

JESUS protect me
from your followers!

[silentC]

My old man's got "I'd rather be an old fart than a young dickhead".

[Wood Butcher]

http://www.ubeaut.biz/box.gif
Had the friendlies turn up at my front door on Saturday Morning. Blah, Blah "What do you think of this weekend?"

I told them quite politly that I thought it is now a huge corporate wank that has the sole purpose of selling more chocolate which in turn will probably (and did) make my kids go psycho on the sugar hi, not interested and sod off!! That shut them up.

I have found my tolerance for religion waning over the last little while and these http://www.ubeaut.biz/wanker.gif(wankers) turning up at my door harrassing me just ##### me off even more http://www.ubeaut.biz/grrr.gif

[Gra]

http://www.ubeaut.biz/box.gif
Had the friendlies turn up at my front door on Saturday Morning. Blah, Blah "What do you think of this weekend?"

I told them quite politly that I thought it is now a huge corporate wank that has the sole purpose of selling more chocolate which in turn will probably (and did) make my kids go psycho on the sugar hi, not interested and sod off!! That shut them up.

I have found my tolerance for religion waning over the last little while and these http://www.ubeaut.biz/wanker.gif(wankers) turning up at my door harrassing me just ##### me off even more http://www.ubeaut.biz/grrr.gif

Simple solution, invite them in then ask them if they would like to join the church of satan, you will never see them again, and the look on their faces is priceless

[Christopha]

Hey whoa there you blody hijackin' mongrels...... I wanted Bumper stickers not just anti religious idiot rants...... give me some fun sticker sayins'!

[ubeaut]

Saw a great postcard in the airport as we were leaving for US last year and just had to have it. Postcard now resides on the wall behind my desk has a pic of JC on it and the inscription:

Jeaus is coming.......... LOOK BUSY!
I love it. http://www.ubeaut.biz/approval.gif
Beaut reckons I'll burn in hell for having it http://www.ubeaut.biz/bum.gif
http://www.ubeaut.biz/fireman.gifAh well that could be a new and exciting experience. http://www.ubeaut.biz/FIREdevil.gif

[Ashore]

Passed a sign yesterday reads

Jesus is the answer

and have spent all day wondering what the question is :confused:

[ubeaut]

Seen this on a few cars recently:

http://www.ubeaut.com.au/ausflag3.gif IF YOU DON'T LOVE IT... LEAVE!

[scooter]

"Tasmania - 1/2 million people, and 13 last names... " :p

[Skew ChiDAMN!!]

CATS! LOVE 'EM!
or push 'em to the side of your plate

[Schtoo]

Best one I have seen recently was a Snap on sticker on the back of a car.

http://woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/attachment.php?attachmentid=22333&stc=1&d=1145459404

Had me laughing for a goodly time.

Yes, I am deprived of humour here, aside from the day to day things that are funny, but not in a ha ha way...

[Wood Butcher]

Hey whoa there you blody hijackin' mongrels...... I wanted Bumper stickers not just anti religious idiot rants...... give me some fun sticker sayins'!Fine here's a few I've seen and a couple piccys of stickers.

"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all it's students!"

"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"

"Health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die!"

[shep]

gday

ask me how to microwave cats for fun and profit

had that on the doors of a little truck years ago got me in lotsa trouble

oohroo
shep

[vsquizz]

On the front of a big rig

"Debt Propelled"

Have a mate who moonlights as a stand up comedian....could be on this board.:rolleyes: ..anyway, he wanted to get this sticker made up but I don't think it would have been too well received:

"So many English Backpackers...and Ivan's in jail"

[AlexS]

Lost your cat?

Check my tyres.

[silentC]

My other car's a shyteheap too...

[Shedhand]

"Tasmania - 1/2 million people, and 13 last names... " :pVictoria 3 million people and an IQ of 13 :mad:

[CameronPotter]

Victoria 3 million people and an IQ of 13 :mad:

Combined? :p ;)

[Zed]

Combined? :p ;)

only if you add Vic & Tas....

[Iain]

If you can read this, some bastards pinched the caravan.
On daughters car, 'Honk if you're rich and love horses'.

[Cliff Rogers]

It's been Monday all week.
When all else fails, lower your standards.
I'm surrounded by idiots!
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Why be normal?
I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any
difference.
Don't take life too seriously; it's not permanent.
If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.
I'm only a hypochondriac when I'm feeling sick.
I don't think I'd be so bored if I didn't have so much
to do.
Never trust a nun with a gun.
It's an IBM; it's got an excuse.
Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your
own.
No matter how bad a situation is, if you can't laugh at
it, you are in really deep ####.
Never go into a hug off balance.
Life's a bitch, and then you're reincarnated.
Cute and interesting are two different things.
If there were no such thing as bears, what kind of hugs
would we give?
Life without glasses is fuzzy-wonderful.
It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you
should be.
Life's a trip and then you run out of Travelers' Checks.
If life's a trip, then where's my ticket?
IBM: The stupidity goes in when the name goes on.
I wouldn't know how to act if I weren't in trouble.
If you're gonna' panic, panic constructively.
A kibble is one thousand nibbles.
Having a good time can be deadly.
Reality is only fantasy gone stale.
Be good; if you can't be good, forget it!
If you can't go first class, charge it.
Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live
there.
Be fruit fly and multiple.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you
really think of them.
Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all
of our problems?
I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.
Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
I should have known better; every happy moment in my
life came from lying.
If you can't be weird, why be?
It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow.
Gravity always gets me down.
I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always
find me anyway.
I'm serious; it was a joke.
Hairy Kiwi: Death by fruit.
If we're going to have fun, we've got to be serious
about it.
If I can't fix it, it isn’t broken.
I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being
confused.
Now that I've finally got my act together, I've
forgotten what I'm supposed to do with it.
I cleaned up my act once, but I decided it was more fun
when it was dirty.
This was only a test; if.
Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's
Island.
If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed
replacement anyway.
Reality is a figment of your imagination.
Life is just one of those things.
Don't use force; use a bigger hammer.
crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be
careful, give me a call.
According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
Get forgiveness now - tomorrow you may no longer feel
guilty.
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Cautious: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid.
If you don't care where you are, then you aren’t lost.
Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a
tantrum.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
Monday is an awful was to spend 1/7 of your life.
Keep grandma off the streets. Legalise bingo.
were a fish, I'd throw it back in.
Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better
class of people.
I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day
at a time.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because
it's unfamiliar territory.
Stop crime at its source! Support Planned Parenthood.
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the
furniture.
The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning
to others.
A gleekzorp without a ternpee is like a quop without a
fertsneet (sort of)
Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
Keep Australia beautiful, swallow your beer cans.
If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have
to rent it.
Drive defensively, buy a tank.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too
sure.
Famous last words: Don't unplug it, it will just take a
moment to fix.
Famous last words
what you are doing, do it neatly.
Don't tell me any big lies today. Small ones can be just
as effective.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better
defence.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over
it.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all
together.
Your lucky number has been disconnected.
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise
guy.
Amnesia used to be my favourite word, but then I forgot
it.
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape
somewhere.
The shortest distance between two points is currently
under construction.
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is
already full.
Today is an excellent day to have a rotten day.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Everything takes longer than you think.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because
fools are so ingenious.
Mother Nature is a bitch.
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
When things just can't get any worse, they will.
Anytime things appear to be going better, you have
overlooked something.
No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it
only makes it worse.
Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been
working.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Experiments should be reproducible - they should all
fail in the same way.
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
The course of progress: Most things get steadily worse.
Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
Things will get worse before they get better.
If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
The new baby is like royalty, he's the prince
Who said things would get better?
Things get worse under pressure.
Nothing ever goes away.
You always find something in the last place you look.

[CameronPotter]

[quote=Iain]If you can read this, some bastards pinched the caravan.
[quote]

Always a classic!

[Cliff Rogers]

You can't fall off the floor.
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long
enough.
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Push something hard enough and it will fall.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the
problem.
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling
to get out.
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature
indefinitely.
Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
If God intended men to smoke, He would have set him on
fire.
Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're
the scenic route.
It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Never eat more than you can lift.
It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get
up.
I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.
If today Earth sucks.
Fine day to work off excess energy, steal something
heavy.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Everything is unimportant in some way.
Life is a terminal disease.
Your lucky color has faded.
Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
Yeah, there's a lot of stress here, but I'm not
straining.
How 'bout coming up to my place for a spot of heavy
breathing?
The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of
it.
Nothing is ever 100%
I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and
see if I snore.
I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's
bowling night.
I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my
plants neutered.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see
what happens next week!
If you knew what you were doing, you'd be bored.
It's not just reality that matters.
Pets aren't dangerous; just don't let them carry guns.
You can't dream too much; you can't do enough to make
your dreams come true.
Where does it go? It doesn't matter. Flush it.
The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in
your way.
Save the whales, collect the whole set.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the
wrong lane.
90% of everything is crud.
LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
Earn cash in your spare time, blackmail your friends.
Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those
lifetimes.
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
Do we know that life has a cause?
No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than
others.
Fun is just point of view.
If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
Imagination is the foundation of reality.
Life is a glitch in the universal program;
Life's a tough job, and the hours are a bitch.
Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
Don't play with your food, especially after you've
already eaten it.
Kinky sex is for those who can't handle normal sex.
Hugs don't feel as good on the computer.
Speak softly, but carry an M16.
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
It's all a pigment of your hallucination.
Your type doesn't stay around long enough to stay your
type.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will
Consider yourself hugged.
Just take a cold shower and sleep it off.
In theory, everything works.
Life is recursive.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of
the oncoming train.
Repetition is always better the second time.
Clever is getting out alive.
Around here, to be nuts is normal, to be sane is stupid.
Death is the consequence of being alive.
Never open a book before 4 p.m. Sunday. (Rule of Weekend
Studying)
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
People who think they know what they're doing are
especially annoying to those of us who do.
Have a nice day . . . somewhere else.
Was today really necessary?
Life without bears would be unbearable.
Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.
I've no time to prepare a profound message.
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core . . . I
like that in a person.
Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of
bed and miss the floor.
I can handle pain until it hurts.
Live teddy bears are best.
Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
The ultimate reason is "because."
I'm objective; I object to everything.
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the
absurd.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing
it badly.
Never give a sucker an even break; take everything you
can from him.
It's only a game until you lose.
Gravity is a myth, the
this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
I'm not a creep; I'm actually a wonderful person hiding
inside the body of creep.
I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the
body of a lunatic.
Being good at being stupid doesn't count.
Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.
You can't be late until you show up.
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.
I just love nonverbal communication!
If we don't know it already, chances are we're not
interested in learning it.
You've gotta' die in creative ways. They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a truck.
Get out of my reality!
If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.
It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?
Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
It's not when you get up, but when you get down.
I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.
Of course there is no reason for it, it's just my policy.
Of course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
When in doubt, use brute force.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they AREN'T after you.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Your lucky number is 64187678945. Watch for it everywhere.
They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
When you do not know of wails.
He heard she was stuck up and asked how much they got.
Ill-bred children are always displaying their pest manners.
The pants were very sad, they were depressed.
Her body was recovered, she bought a new suit of clothes.
Students may like nitrates, they're cheaper than day rates.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people
have.
Don't let people drive you:
What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
Famous last words: Don't worry, it's not loadedloaded

[CameronPotter]

You know you're an engineer... when you have no life and can do the maths to prove it. (Altogether too familiar really). :o

If it ain't broken - it doesn't have enough features yet.

[silentC]

Genitalia is not the national airline of Italy.

[Iain]

Is an Innuendo an Italian suppository then:confused:

[Chesand]

"Once I thought I was wrong but I was mistaken"

[Eddie Jones]

Spotted many years ago on a toilet wall......

"Jesus Saves"

Some Wanker added, underneath.....

"Moses invests"

[keith53]

Best one I've seen in recent years was on the back of an old Diahatsu Rocky:

"Honk if you've never seen an AK47 fired from a car window"

[chrisb691]

Jesus is the answer



Bugga!! I thought the answer was 42

[AlexS]

On old army VD posters...

"Is 5 minutes of pleasure worth a lifetime of pain?"

under which someone always added

"How do you make it last 5 minutes?"

[fred.n]

sign on a male toilet


why look up here??


THE JOKES IN YOUR HAND

[scooter]

Thanks for narrowing them down Cliff... :rolleyes: :p


Cheers.............Sean

[bitingmidge]

Saw a cracker last night on the back of a middle-aged campervan, with ubiquitous grey haired driver, and realised my life had turned a full circle:

Don't laugh, your MOTHER might be inside

Cheers,

P
:D :D :D

[RETIRED]

On the back of a garbage truck: "Truck stops frequently" to which someone had added "You should get it fixed".

[Cliff Rogers]

Saw a cracker last night on the back of a middle-aged campervan, with ubiquitous grey haired driver, and realised my life had turned a full circle:

Don't laugh, your MOTHER might be inside

Cheers,

P
:D :D :D

Under the old rules, you would have got a greenie for that one.... now you miss out. :rolleyes:

[rrich]

Many of the elementry schools hand out bumber stickers.
"My child excelled...
"My child is a super citizen...
"My child is an honor student...

To which an enteprenur added "My kid just beat up your honor student."

In addition to bumper stickers we have license plate frames.

"Cats flattened while you wait."

[Iain]

"Cats flattened while you wait."
Thats Wongo's car:D

[TEEJAY]

"Employ a teenager whilst they still know everything"

and my favourite was on the front wind visor or a very large interstate truck that said


"Dances with Roo's"

I haven't seen a better one since.

[masoth]

Paid employment is for persons without a hammer and a saw.

[RufflyRustic]

If I ever get an old hotrod ute, I'll have my own sticker made up:

Truckin' Missus Style!!

:D

[Bleedin Thumb]

On the back of a rubbish removal truck

Satisfaction Guaranteed or Twice Your Rubbish Back!

[Shedhand]

on the back of a builders van.

"Fish fear me and tremble at my name".

[ss_11000]

travelling along the f3 one day i say a 4wd that had been thru a bit and was quite filthy. some funny person wrote : i wish my gf was this dirty :eek:

[Harry72]

Buy a John Bull product(boots) they give away good bumper stickers, My ute has

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v725/ST170ish/bumper.jpg

[tameriska]

Forgive my driving, I'm reloading
Work Harder!, Millions on welfare depend on you
This is NOT an abandoned vehicle
Driver carries no cash, he's married
Answer my prayers, steal this car
Forget World Peace.....Visualize using your turn signal
I brake suddenly for tailgaters
I still miss my EX....... but my aims improving

:D

[woodsprite]

Couldn't afford a car... so I bought this Holden.

[Rossluck]

I saw one the other day that made me laugh. A skip bin outside a building site, overflowing with rubbish, someone had written:

Bin Laden

On bumpers I like the 4WD ones. Like on a Nissan Patrol:

Landcruiser Recovery Vehicle

[Tex79]

Caution! Horn broken, watch for finger

[Iain]

On a Landcruiser a few years back:
'Thoroughbred Toyota not a Horsesh!t Maverick'

[MurrayD99]

In Melbourne on an old Falcon - about 1983.... "Who's this guy Dick Head?"

In the ferry car park at Vashon Island "Back off: I'm a Goddess"

[Coldamus]

I saw this one on a ute near Tamworth:

"Good cowgirls keep their calves together."

and in Sydney:

"I only sleep with my teddy. I know where he's been."