Murphy's Law [Archive] - Renovate Forums

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Andy Mac

15th March 2006, 09:34 AM

Here are some additions to the evergreen Murphy's Law, which I just got via email. I'm sure someone must be watching me:D. And the Variation Law.... I thought that only happened to me!

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. <?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = U1 /><U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Variation Law: If you change lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. This law also applies to lines in the supermarket.
<U1:P></U1:P><?XML:NAMESPACE PREFIX = U2 /><U2:PLACE u3:st="on"><U2:CITY u3:st="on">Bath</U2:CITY></U2:PLACE> Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.<U1:P></U1:P>
Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of a jam sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P>Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.<U1:P></U1:P>
<U1:P></U1:P><U2:PLACE u3:st="on"><U2:CITY u3:st="on">Wilson</U2:CITY></U2:PLACE>'s Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

I could add some more, like Cashier's Law: as soon as you reach the checkout on the express lane, the paper roll on the cash register will need changing. It equates with the Bar Law, simply put, the hotter the day, the slower the traffic (see Variation above) and the more crowded the pub, by the time you get to the bar, the keg will need changing.

Cheers!

doublejay

15th March 2006, 02:14 PM

All too true!!

And remember, Murphy was an optimist.

Wongo

15th March 2006, 03:28 PM

Law of bus stop – If you get to the bus stop on time, the bus has already left. If you show up 5 minutes early, you will have to wait another 15 minutes for the same bus. (I know it is true, it has been proven time after time)
Law of train ticket – I you queue up to buy a train ticket. Everyone in your queue will use credit card and everyone in the queue pays cash. (and of course you will miss your train)

Clinton1

15th March 2006, 03:36 PM

Law of Poor Inventors – If you have a great idea the probablity of someone else releasing the same idea to the market just before you do, is directly proportional to the amount of money you spend on making your prototype.

Wongo

15th March 2006, 03:50 PM

Driver

15th March 2006, 04:14 PM

The Law of Traffic Jams: In any given traffic jam, the length of time it will take you to get to the next exit that leads to any kind of toilet facility is inversely proportional to the amount of time you need before a toilet break becomes a screaming necessity.

Traffic Jams -The Square Root Law: In any given traffic jam, the amount of time your child needs before a toilet break becomes a screaming, spitting, howling, smelly, disgusting necessity is the square root of the length of time it will take you to get to the next exit that leads to any kind of toilet facility.

Murphy's Law is known to philosophers as The Human Condition.

Wongo

15th March 2006, 04:25 PM

Law of exchange rate – the moment you book your tickets for an overseas holiday, the exchange rate of you local currency will drop. It will then rise again as soon as you get on the plane on the return trip.

doug the slug

15th March 2006, 05:54 PM

Coles Law
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Thinly sliced cabbagehttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon10.gif http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon10.gifhttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon10.gifhttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon10.gif
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Driver

15th March 2006, 08:54 PM

Doug

That is so bad I've sent you a greenie. :rolleyes:

What it deserves is a bucketfull of very old thinly-sliced cabbage. :eek:

Col

doug the slug

15th March 2006, 09:32 PM

What it deserves is a bucketfull of very old thinly-sliced cabbage.

Thanks Col, would make good composthttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon10.gif

Iain

16th March 2006, 08:05 AM

Doug

That is so bad I've sent you a greenie. :rolleyes:

What it deserves is a bucketfull of very old thinly-sliced cabbage. :eek:

Col
Boiled mercilessly for an hour 'A la Army':D
I remember that delicate bouquette:o

Wongo

16th March 2006, 10:32 PM

More on the law of bus stop. To get home from work I have to catch a train and then a bus. The bus is scheduled to leave at 5.27pm. If I get there at 5.25pm then the bus would have left already. If I get there at 5.20pm then it will come around 5.40pm.

It is rare that I would get there and hop straight onto the bus.

So today I got to the bus stop at 5.33pm and as I walked down the stairs the 5.27pm bus was still there. Great but hang on there was another one,:eek: hmm it must be the 5.15pm one. With 2 people still in the line I would get it for sure.

I got down to the last step but as soon as they saw me coming they closed the doors and drove together.:mad: :mad: :mad:

OK fair enough, after all it would be wrong if I just get off the train and hop on the bus right away. So I thought I will do my time and wait 10 minutes for the 4.45pm one. 10 minutes became 20 minutes:mad: , 20 minutes became 30 minutes:mad: :mad: . For 35 minutes:( I was sitting there asking myself why. Why does it have to happen this way? It just does not make sense, I mean if they are meant to come every 15 minutes then in 35 minutes I should at best get 3 buses or at least 2.

The trouble is days like this happen all the time. :(

Clinton I need some Counselling.:(

journeyman Mick

17th March 2006, 01:19 AM

Wongo,
I intercepted this, thought you had better see it.

Mick

From: Mental torture unit - Sydney Transit Authority

To: all field operatives.

Our work on subject "W", which we were contracted to do by a competitor of his employer, is coming along splendidly. The two driver/operatives today, who actually kept their buses past their normal departure time and waited till the subject was about to board the bus before both closing their doors and departing, are to be commended for their initiative. Special mention should also go to the drivers of the two following buses who waited around the corner for some time in order to heighten the subject's mental anguish. It also had the added bonus of torturing the passengers on board the waiting buses. Keep up the good work team, we'll have him seeking workplace counselling soon enough.

PS, this might explain to all you public transport commuters out there why your bus/train/tram/ferry stops in the middle of nowhere for, seemingly, no reason.

Wongo

17th March 2006, 08:34 AM

Thanks Mick:o