DonN
23rd November 2000, 05:24 PM
NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the
> USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
> notice of the revocation of your independence,
> effective today.
>
>
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
> monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and
> other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
> Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
> for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware
> that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a
> minister for America without the need for further elections.
> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
> questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
> whether any of you noticed.
>
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency,
> the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
> Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide.
> You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
> pronouncing it.
> Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable
> levels. Look up "vocabulary".
> Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler
> noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable
> and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
>
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
> Microsoft know on your behalf.
>
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
> Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
>
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
> actors as the good guys.
>
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God
> Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
> We would not want you to get confused and give up half
> way through.
>
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is
> only one kind of football. What you refer to as American
> "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who
> are aware that there is a world outside your borders may
> have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
> You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
> play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played
> with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave
> enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is
> similar to American "football", >but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
> wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are
> hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
> by 2005.
>
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using
> nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85%
> of you who were not aware that there is a world outside
> your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
> have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
> "sh*t".
>
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th
> will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be
> called "Indecisive Day".
>
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and
> it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you
> will understand what we mean.
>
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>
>
>
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the
> USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
> notice of the revocation of your independence,
> effective today.
>
>
>
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume
> monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and
> other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.
> Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
> for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware
> that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a
> minister for America without the need for further elections.
> Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
> questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine
> whether any of you noticed.
>
>
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency,
> the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English
> Dictionary.
> Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide.
> You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been
> pronouncing it.
> Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable
> levels. Look up "vocabulary".
> Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler
> noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable
> and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
>
>
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let
> Microsoft know on your behalf.
>
>
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and
> Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.
>
>
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English
> actors as the good guys.
>
>
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God
> Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.
> We would not want you to get confused and give up half
> way through.
>
>
> 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is
> only one kind of football. What you refer to as American
> "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who
> are aware that there is a world outside your borders may
> have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
> You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead
> play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played
> with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave
> enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is
> similar to American "football", >but does not involve
> stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
> wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are
> hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side
> by 2005.
>
>
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using
> nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 98.85%
> of you who were not aware that there is a world outside
> your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians
> have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
> "sh*t".
>
>
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th
> will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be
> called "Indecisive Day".
>
>
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and
> it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you
> will understand what we mean.
>
>
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.
>
>
> Thank you for your cooperation.
>