John Saxton
25th November 2000, 01:06 AM
We have the silly season upon us so I thought a few words of encouragement to my fellow woodworkers might suffice.(with apologies to Bushmills)
107 GOOD REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN;
1.You can enjoy a BEER all month.
2.BEER stains wash out.
3.You dont have to wine and dine a BEER.
4.Your BEER will always wait patiently for you in the car.
5.When BEER goes flat ypu toss it out.
6.BEER is never late.
7.HANGOVERS go away.
8.A BEER dosen't get jealous when you grab another BEER.
9.BEER labels come off without a fight.
10.When you go to a bar ,you know you can always pick up a BEER.
11.BEER never has a headache.
12.After you have a BEER,the bottle is still worth something.
13.A BEER wont get upset if you come home with BEER on your breath.
14.If you can pour a BEER right,you will always have a good head.
15.You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.
16.A BEER ALWAYS goes down easy.
17.You can share a BEER with your friends.
18.You always know you are the first one to Pop a BEER.
19.A BEER is always wet.
20.BEER dosen't demand equality.
21.A BEER dosen't care when you come.
22.You can have a BEER in public.
23.A frigid BEER is a good BEER.
24.You dont have to wash a BEER before it tastes good.
25.BEER always comes in multiples of six.
26.BEER dosen't mind being in the "wet spot"that IT left.
27.You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a BEER.
28.After you have a BEER,you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
29.A BEER never cost you more than $5 and never leaves you thirsty.
30.When your BEER is gone,you just pop another.
31.You rarely (if ever) find BEER labels on the shower curtain rod.
32.BEER looks the same in the morning.
33.BEER dosen't look you up in a month.
34.BEER dosen't worry about someone walking in.
35.BEER dosen't worry about waking the kids.
36.BEER dosen't get cramps.
37.BEER dosen't have a mother.
38.BEER dosen't have morals.
39.BEER dosen't go crazy once a month.
40.BEER always listens and never argues.
41.BEER labels don't go out of style every year.
42.BEER dosen't whine, it bubbles.
43.BEER dosen't have cold hands/feet.
44.BEER dosen't demand legality.
45.BEER is never overweight.
46.If you change BEERS you don't have to pay alimony.
47.BEER wont run off with your credit cards.
48.BEER dosen't have a lawyer.
49.BEER dosen't need much closet space.
50.BEER can't give you herpes or other nasty things.
51.BEER dosen't complain about the way you drive.
52.BEER dosen't mind if you fart or belch.
53.BEER never changes its mind.
54.BEER dosen't tease you or play hard to get.
55.BEER never asks you to change the station .
56.BEER dosen't make you go shopping.
57.BEER dosen't tell you how to mow the grass.
58.BEER dosen,t mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
59.BEER is always easy to pick up.
60.Big fat BEERS are nice to have.
61.BEER dosen't pout or play games.
62.BEER never says no.
63.BEER is easy to get into.
64.BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.
65.BEER dosen't need to go to the "Powder room " with other BEERS.
66.BEER dosen't wear a bra.
67.BEER dosen't mind getting dirty.
68.BEER dosen't complain about insensitivity.
69.BEER dosen't user up your toilet paper.
70.BEER dosen't live with its mother.
71.BEER dosen't blow you off.
72.BEER dosen't care if you have no culture or manners.
73.BEER dosen't bitch,yell, or cry.
74.BEER dosen't mind football season.
75.A BEER wont make you go to church.
76.A BEER is more likely to know how to spell "carburettor" than a woman.
77.A BEER dosen't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78.A BEER dosen't think DOS is pronounced "do.e"
79.A BEER dosen't give a f*** if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
80.A BEER will not insist that those odious tyre commercials with babies are cute.
81.If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kind of good for a while.
82.A BEER will not call you a sexist pig if you say "Doberman" instead of "Doberperson".
83.A BEER wont get a job as a DJ and play 5 hours straight of l...... folk music on your favourite radio station.
84.A BEER wont claim the Three Stooges are sh.theads.
85.A BEER wont raise a fuss about leaving the toilet seat up.
86.If you mention a "350cu-in V8 around a BEER,it wont think you're thinking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
87.A BEER wont whine about seatbelts that hurt.
88.A BEER wont smoke in your car,
89.A BEER wont argue that theres no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a warzone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
90.A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
91.A BEER is always ready to leave on time.
92.A BEER will actually "support" belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the next olympic games.
93.A BEER never fish'es for compliments.
94.Some BEERS have great faces.
95.BEER tastes good.
96.If you take a BEER outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it,the BEER wont accuse you of a date r...
97.A BEER wont raise any objections to an evening of watching your greatest video hits on your VCR.
98.An ice-cold BEER will nontheless let you have your way with it.
99.A BEER wont make you pick up some "ladies items" when you go to the store.
100.A BEER wont accuse you of lying whwn you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles".(you *are* lying,but the BEER wont accuse you of it)
101.A BEER wont worry that if you'll go to
jail if you videotape a football game without the express permission of the controlling body.
102.A BEER wont fill up your car with low-octane fuel with the excuse that "I saved a dollar."
103.A BEER will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
104.A BEER will never make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theatre" on Saturday afternoon.
105.A BEER wont accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say 'Gene Hackman' instead of 'Gene Hackperson'.
106.A BEER wont make you eat an experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like an oil additive.
107.When you're through with BEER,the thought of another BEER dosen't make you ill.
I hope that I have'nt offended anyones sensibilities.Just have a laugh enjoy the day.
------------------
Johnno
107 GOOD REASONS WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN WOMEN;
1.You can enjoy a BEER all month.
2.BEER stains wash out.
3.You dont have to wine and dine a BEER.
4.Your BEER will always wait patiently for you in the car.
5.When BEER goes flat ypu toss it out.
6.BEER is never late.
7.HANGOVERS go away.
8.A BEER dosen't get jealous when you grab another BEER.
9.BEER labels come off without a fight.
10.When you go to a bar ,you know you can always pick up a BEER.
11.BEER never has a headache.
12.After you have a BEER,the bottle is still worth something.
13.A BEER wont get upset if you come home with BEER on your breath.
14.If you can pour a BEER right,you will always have a good head.
15.You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.
16.A BEER ALWAYS goes down easy.
17.You can share a BEER with your friends.
18.You always know you are the first one to Pop a BEER.
19.A BEER is always wet.
20.BEER dosen't demand equality.
21.A BEER dosen't care when you come.
22.You can have a BEER in public.
23.A frigid BEER is a good BEER.
24.You dont have to wash a BEER before it tastes good.
25.BEER always comes in multiples of six.
26.BEER dosen't mind being in the "wet spot"that IT left.
27.You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a BEER.
28.After you have a BEER,you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
29.A BEER never cost you more than $5 and never leaves you thirsty.
30.When your BEER is gone,you just pop another.
31.You rarely (if ever) find BEER labels on the shower curtain rod.
32.BEER looks the same in the morning.
33.BEER dosen't look you up in a month.
34.BEER dosen't worry about someone walking in.
35.BEER dosen't worry about waking the kids.
36.BEER dosen't get cramps.
37.BEER dosen't have a mother.
38.BEER dosen't have morals.
39.BEER dosen't go crazy once a month.
40.BEER always listens and never argues.
41.BEER labels don't go out of style every year.
42.BEER dosen't whine, it bubbles.
43.BEER dosen't have cold hands/feet.
44.BEER dosen't demand legality.
45.BEER is never overweight.
46.If you change BEERS you don't have to pay alimony.
47.BEER wont run off with your credit cards.
48.BEER dosen't have a lawyer.
49.BEER dosen't need much closet space.
50.BEER can't give you herpes or other nasty things.
51.BEER dosen't complain about the way you drive.
52.BEER dosen't mind if you fart or belch.
53.BEER never changes its mind.
54.BEER dosen't tease you or play hard to get.
55.BEER never asks you to change the station .
56.BEER dosen't make you go shopping.
57.BEER dosen't tell you how to mow the grass.
58.BEER dosen,t mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
59.BEER is always easy to pick up.
60.Big fat BEERS are nice to have.
61.BEER dosen't pout or play games.
62.BEER never says no.
63.BEER is easy to get into.
64.BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.
65.BEER dosen't need to go to the "Powder room " with other BEERS.
66.BEER dosen't wear a bra.
67.BEER dosen't mind getting dirty.
68.BEER dosen't complain about insensitivity.
69.BEER dosen't user up your toilet paper.
70.BEER dosen't live with its mother.
71.BEER dosen't blow you off.
72.BEER dosen't care if you have no culture or manners.
73.BEER dosen't bitch,yell, or cry.
74.BEER dosen't mind football season.
75.A BEER wont make you go to church.
76.A BEER is more likely to know how to spell "carburettor" than a woman.
77.A BEER dosen't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit.
78.A BEER dosen't think DOS is pronounced "do.e"
79.A BEER dosen't give a f*** if you keep a bunch of other beers around.
80.A BEER will not insist that those odious tyre commercials with babies are cute.
81.If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kind of good for a while.
82.A BEER will not call you a sexist pig if you say "Doberman" instead of "Doberperson".
83.A BEER wont get a job as a DJ and play 5 hours straight of l...... folk music on your favourite radio station.
84.A BEER wont claim the Three Stooges are sh.theads.
85.A BEER wont raise a fuss about leaving the toilet seat up.
86.If you mention a "350cu-in V8 around a BEER,it wont think you're thinking about an enormous can of vegetable juice.
87.A BEER wont whine about seatbelts that hurt.
88.A BEER wont smoke in your car,
89.A BEER wont argue that theres no difference between shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a warzone and blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
90.A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
91.A BEER is always ready to leave on time.
92.A BEER will actually "support" belching and farting and share your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration sports in the next olympic games.
93.A BEER never fish'es for compliments.
94.Some BEERS have great faces.
95.BEER tastes good.
96.If you take a BEER outta the fridge just to look at it but then decide to drink it,the BEER wont accuse you of a date r...
97.A BEER wont raise any objections to an evening of watching your greatest video hits on your VCR.
98.An ice-cold BEER will nontheless let you have your way with it.
99.A BEER wont make you pick up some "ladies items" when you go to the store.
100.A BEER wont accuse you of lying whwn you say you read Penthouse "just for the articles".(you *are* lying,but the BEER wont accuse you of it)
101.A BEER wont worry that if you'll go to
jail if you videotape a football game without the express permission of the controlling body.
102.A BEER wont fill up your car with low-octane fuel with the excuse that "I saved a dollar."
103.A BEER will never make you go to a Swedish movie.
104.A BEER will never make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theatre" on Saturday afternoon.
105.A BEER wont accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say 'Gene Hackman' instead of 'Gene Hackperson'.
106.A BEER wont make you eat an experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like an oil additive.
107.When you're through with BEER,the thought of another BEER dosen't make you ill.
I hope that I have'nt offended anyones sensibilities.Just have a laugh enjoy the day.
------------------
Johnno