Welcome to the new world order: Ordering a Pizza in 2022

[KBs PensNmore]

CALLER: Is this Pizza Hut?

GOOGLE: No sir, it's Google Pizza.

CALLER: I must have dialled a wrong number, sorry.

GOOGLE: No sir, Google bought Pizza Hut last month.

CALLER: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE: Do you want your usual, sir?

CALLER: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

CALLER: Super! That’s what I’ll have.

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?

CALLER: What? I don’t want a vegetarian pizza!

GOOGLE: Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

CALLER: How the hell do you know that?

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

CALLER: Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetarian pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once at Lloyds Pharmacy, 4 months ago.

CALLER: I bought more from another Pharmacy.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

CALLER: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE: But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

CALLER: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your latest tax returns, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law!

CALLER: WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE: I'm sorry sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

CALLER: Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without the internet, TV, where there is no phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago...

Welcome to the future!

[Chesand]

Almost too close to the truth to be funny. :U

[BobL]

This is a true story concerning an exchange I had with Facebook.

Go to log onto FB about a year ago.
FB: We require a security Check can you please send us a photo ID, a drivers licence or passport.

ME: Well they are not getting those so I reply "I'm sorry I don't have either of those"
FB: Please send copies of 2 recent utility bills showing your name and address.

ME: I dig out some 2010 Telstra bills (we're no longer with Testra) and send those
FB: Sorry they are not recent enough please send more recent bills- within last 6 months

At that point I decide to leave FB
What triggered this I'm not sure but it may have been the repeated bad mouthing of FB on FB and the fact that I was constantly promoting teh use of a product called "Fluff Buster" which strips all of the adds and other stuff out of Facebook for a user. I had received several messages warning how Fluff Buster was a security risk for any computer.

I have also stopped using google as my main search engine. Instead I use "DuckDuckGo" as its much more private.

[Old Croc]

This is a true story concerning an exchange I had with

I have also stopped using google as my main search engine. Instead I use "DuckDuckGo" as its much more private.
Bob you do realise that Google bought DuckDuck about 18 months ago.
Rgds,
Crocy.

[BobL]

Bob you do realise that Google bought DuckDuck about 18 months ago.
Rgds,
Crocy.

Not according to my (white hat hacker) son who works in internet security.
Apparently it's a rumour running around on social media triggered by the fact that google used to own "duck.com" which they have since relinquished.
There's quite a few Redit threads discussing this with responses from staff at DDG refuting these rumours.

I really don't care that much who owns DDG as long as I don't get cross referenced ads to my searches in other apps.

[woodPixel]

This joke isn't a joke, its the truth.

Do everything in your power to avoid them. Danger ahead.

[BobL]

Even DDG can give you the runs.
This morning I did a search on "what are more people dying from Covid in Vic than NSW"
The first entry that came back was

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It doesn't do it every time - just every now and the=n