normell
9th November 2005, 04:53 PM
This is an actual job application that a 17-year-old boy submitted at a McDonald’s restaurant in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State>; and<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
they hired him because he was so honest and funny!<o:p></o:p>
NAME: Greg Bulmash.<o:p></o:p>
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.<o:p></o:p>
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was<o:p></o:p>
in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.<o:p></o:p>
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If<o:p></o:p>
that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.<o:p></o:p>
EDUCATION: Yes.<o:p></o:p>
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.<o:p></o:p>
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.<o:p></o:p>
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.<o:p></o:p>
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.<o:p></o:p>
AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That’s why I’m applying.<o:p></o:p>
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.<o:p></o:p>
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO<o:p></o:p>
50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”<o:p></o:p>
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of<o:p></o:p>
the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.<o:p></o:p>
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Bahamas</st1:place></st1:country-region> with a fabulously<o:p></o:p>
wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be<o:p></o:p>
doing that now.<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR<o:p></o:p>
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.<o:p></o:p>
SIGN HERE: Aries
they hired him because he was so honest and funny!<o:p></o:p>
NAME: Greg Bulmash.<o:p></o:p>
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.<o:p></o:p>
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was<o:p></o:p>
in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.<o:p></o:p>
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If<o:p></o:p>
that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.<o:p></o:p>
EDUCATION: Yes.<o:p></o:p>
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.<o:p></o:p>
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.<o:p></o:p>
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and ‘post-it’ notes.<o:p></o:p>
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.<o:p></o:p>
AVAILABLE FOR WORK: Of course. That’s why I’m applying.<o:p></o:p>
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 – 3:30pm., Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.<o:p></o:p>
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UPTO<o:p></o:p>
50lbs?: 50lbs. of what?<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”<o:p></o:p>
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be the winner of<o:p></o:p>
the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.<o:p></o:p>
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Bahamas</st1:place></st1:country-region> with a fabulously<o:p></o:p>
wealthy dumb blond supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be<o:p></o:p>
doing that now.<o:p></o:p>
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR<o:p></o:p>
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.<o:p></o:p>
SIGN HERE: Aries