Murphy the Painter

[KBs PensNmore]

A painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.

Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming
to the town of Miltown Malbay, in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.

One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he
would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a
bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, and she
was willing to pay up to £10,000.

Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer
with Mary, his wife. They talked much about the rightness and wrongness of it. It was hard to make the decision but finally his wife agreed, on one condition.

After a few minutes he returned.

"T'would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus," he said "The wife says it's okay.

"I'll paint you in the nude all right; but I have to at least leave me socks on, so I have a place to wipe me brushes."

[rwbuild]

Groan

[damian]

I saw that coming but still I kept reading :D

[AlexS]

Love it.

Years ago when I did my WIRES reptile rescue course, at the end of the course we were handling various snakes. One young lady had a beautiful water python, which went under her jumper for warmth.
The instructor asked if anyone else would like a go. I couldn't help myself.

"Too right, get rid of the snake."
Fortunately, she was a good sport.

[Chesand]

You would not get away with that today.

[Boringgeoff]

Chesand, did you mean wouldn't get away with that today?
Many years ago I walked into the office of my employer, slapped $50 on the counter and said to the office manager "Kathryn, how many buttons?" she took the $50 and undid the top button of her blouse, I put another $50 on the counter and she said "Geoff is that the money from the COD job you just did?" On confirming this she said "well stop being a d**k head and hand it over".
I wouldn't get away with that today.
Cheers,
Geoff.

[AlexS]

I wouldn't get away with that today.

Sounds like a good title for a new thread.:D

[Chesand]

Chesand, did you mean wouldn't get away with that today?
Cheers,
Geoff.

Yep. That was what I meant and have fixed my post accordingly. I did it in a hurry as I was about to go out. That is my excuse and I am stuck with it.

[rrich]

A woman that worked in our office took a job in headquarters on the other side of the country. About a year later she was back on business.

She comes into my office to say hello and says, "I didn't wear any sexy underwear for you."
I said, "You're not to supposed to say that, you're supposed to show me."
She says, "I said, I DIDN'T wear any sexy underwear for you."
I said, "You're not to supposed to say that, you're supposed to show me."
So she did.

[Handyjack]

:)(

[AlexS]

A woman that worked in our office took a job in headquarters on the other side of the country. About a year later she was back on business.

She comes into my office to say hello and says, "I didn't wear any sexy underwear for you."
I said, "You're not to supposed to say that, you're supposed to show me."
She says, "I said, I DIDN'T wear any sexy underwear for you."
I said, "You're not to supposed to say that, you're supposed to show me."
So she did.
So, are you saying it wasn't sexy, or it wasn't underwear?

[Carry Pine]

Not another joke but true. A local business owner is in trouble here for putting a $100 note in a womans cleavage. Dont know what he expected or whether it has worked before without any repercussions?

[KBs PensNmore]

I heard of a Scotsman who was at a Gentlemens Only Club, and took the cash that was stuffed in the ? string of one of the ladies there, and then ran his credit card down the back of the ?string.

Someone I know of went on trip around the world, having affairs with anything that wore a skirt. Reckons it was fantastic, till he got to Thailand and Scotland!!!!

[rrich]

So, are you saying it wasn't sexy, or it wasn't underwear?

I'm not saying.

LOL