Ronnie Barker R.I.P.

[normell]

>This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. The late

>great Ronnie Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god

>knows how many takes). The irony is that they received not one

>complaint. The speed of delivery must have been too much for the

>whining herds.

>

>Try getting through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not

>wetting your pants] as you read ...

>

>--------------------------------------------------------

>

>This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.

>

>Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.

>Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and

>shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.

>

>The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,

>and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible

>huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.

>

>The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts

>would not let Rindercella go.

>

>Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.

>Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.

>

>She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage

>with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks The gairy

>fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there

>would be a cucking falamity.

>

>At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when

>suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said

>Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping

>her slass glipper.

>

>The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and

>the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg

>and let off a fig bart.

>

>"Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.

>"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.

>

>When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on

>both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.

>Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a

>knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge

>halls and a hig bard on.

>

>He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking

>ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The

>pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived

>hers with a follen swanny.

[doublejay]

Normell,

I'd be interested in knowing the source of the quote. I seriously doubt that this version was ever read by Ronnie Barker.

[Trav]

nice one mate

Trav

[RETIRED]

Normell,

I'd be interested in knowing the source of the quote. I seriously doubt that this version was ever read by Ronnie Barker.
I'm with you. It also seems strange that the same thing has appeared on nearly every BB in the last day or 2.

There is another version and also one about the ball which I think Ronnie Barker did as well.

I doubt that Ronnie did this version.

[Cliff Rogers]

It's not Ronnie Barker's style.

[doublejay]

It's not Ronnie Barker's style.

You've put it in a nutshell. The two Ronnies were cheeky and not above a clever double entendre but never needed to stoop to crass garbage like the piece that's doing the rounds.

[Kev Y.]

I think Ronnie's was called "Rindercella and the Prandsome Hince" :p

[DavidG]

The Story of Rindercella Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsom hince.

And this prandsom hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he'd invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. Rindercella's mugly other and her two sad blisters went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall, but Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. Finally, the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn't go. So she just cat down and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all at once there appeard before her, her gairy fodmother. And he touched her with his wagic mand ... and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, "Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I'll purn you into a tumpkin!"

When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, the prandsom hince met her at the door because he had been watchin' behind a woden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsom hince nanced all dight until nidmight...and they lell in fove. And finally, the mid clock strucknight. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!

The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella's house. He tried it on Rendercella's mugly other ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella ... and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!

So they were married and lived heverly ever hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you ever go to a bancy fall and want to have a pransom hince loll in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper!

[doublejay]

DavidG,
Thanks for that. Much funnier IMHO.
Did you find it on the net? ..if so, can you give me the url?

[DavidG]

Do a Google on Rindercella. :)
There are a number of versions with small differences
and then there is the yukky one that has recently appeared. :eek: :o

[doug the slug]

well im sure the original thered wasnt done by ronnie barker, im sure his was closer to the second version, both required a lot of thought but the first lot was very misdirected. its a pitythat the crass wait for someone to die to misrepresent them