Evening Classes for Men

[Rodgera]

OPEN TO MEN ONLY - ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: Due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each
class will accept a maximum of eight participants. The
classes cover two days, and topics covered include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step-by-step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Round table discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE - DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR
DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning
the house upside down while screaming - Open forum

DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS - DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH - BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS - BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR SPOUSE
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or smart phone to class

GETTING OVER IT
Learning how to live with being wrong all the time,

[rrich]

Unfortunately it is the last one that I can't deal with.

What difference does it make if you scoop butter out of the center of the container vs. along the sides?

Card table chairs only unfold one way.

That is the way that your 'To Go' was packed. Yes the pizza box is empty. The pizza box keeps the heat off of the seats in the truck.

Your car needed gas. I can not control the price of gas. You're welcome.

Yes, what's his name is gay. There's nothing that I can do about that.

[Handyjack]

HEALTH WATCH - BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

Not sure about this one. What if she has an allergic reaction? What if you suffer from hayfever? What if she is still upset from last night?
My better half as told me not to bring her flowers any more. Help!

[doug3030]

HEALTH WATCH - BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

Not long after I got married, I was driving home from work and saw a flower seller on the side of the road. I stopped and bought a nice large bunch of flowers for my newly-wed bride as a little romantic gesture.

On arriving home I walked in with the flowers behind my back and then pulled them out and said "surprise" hoping she would be happy that I had thought of her.

Instead she got an angry look on her face and snarled at me " What the %#*& have you done?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Men only buy flowers for their wives if they have done something wrong. What did you do? Who was she?"

I copped a full-on argument and abuse for days.

The next bunch of flowers I bought for her was 15 years later and I put them on top of her coffin. She didn't say anything that time.

[KBs PensNmore]

Sorry to hear of your loss..

[BobL]

Some classes I am informed that I should attend are;

How to pick up a bath mat.
How to sort clothing by colour before washing.
How to hang unmentionables on the washing line.
This one is very particular and relates to the reusable straws SWMBO uses to imbibe her diet shakes and their location in the dishwasher.
Apparently I need to understand the difference between the knife drawer and the cutlery basket.

[Chesand]

You have forgotten

How to fold a fitted sheet after it has been washed.

[A Duke]

Hi,
I do not know why this thread gives one the feeling one is not alone.
Regards

[aldav]

You have forgotten

How to fold a fitted sheet after it has been washed.


Otherwise known as 'mission impossible'. We owned motels for 15 years and I've folded a lot of sheets, but I've never come to terms with those @#$%^&* things!

[Twisted Tenon]

GETTING OVER IT
Learning how to live with being wrong all the time,

If a man says something in a forest and his wife doesn’t hear - Is he still wrong ???

[doug3030]

Then there's the good old:

"You left the toilet seat up again"

"Ok, I get that you want it down. I want it up. When you put it down you are working with gravity, when I have to put it up I am fighting gravity. Whichever way it is left you get it easier than I do so get over it."

[Fuzzie]

"You left the toilet seat up again"


I'm not OCD but I've noticed across a number of female visitors, this apparently only applies to the ring portion and not the lid.

[Rodgera]

Then there's the good old:

"You left the toilet seat up again"

I cured that one. I use the sink!

[cava]

If a man says something in a forest and his wife doesn’t hear - Is he still wrong ???

Yes

[aldav]

Luckily there's enough material in the original course outline to placate the lady members on here. However, if they decide that they've had enough you blokes better watch your backs at any future get togethers or tool sales. :o :C

[doug3030]

Luckily there's enough material in the original course outline to placate the lady members on here. However, if they decide that they've had enough you blokes better watch your backs at any future get togethers or tool sales. :o :C

Bring it on!!!!! :D

[aldav]

Well it's alright if you carry a weapon (walking stick) and have a trolley to lean on, but what about the rest of us? :D

[rrich]

Is it possible for a man to load the dishwasher correctly?
Look, learn, practice.

[DavidG]

Extension class to above. Cleaning car parts in a dishwasher.

[Uncle Al]

Or more to the point, how not to get caught cleaning car parts in the dishwasher.

Alan...

[doug3030]

Or more to the point, how not to get caught cleaning car parts in the dishwasher.

After passing this module students are eligible to enrol in "Convincing her that tempering tool steel in the oven will not make the food taste funny"

Cheers

Doug

[rustynail]

A footie coach I had, many years ago and probably one of the hardest men I have ever met, was thoughtful enough to purchase roses for his wife on the way home after loosing the grand final during his playing days. His wife was their loyalist supporter. Upon receiving them the Misses promptly ate them and slammed the door in his face!
Maybe the second hardest man I ever met.

[thruxton]

Material Data Safety Sheet for. WOMEN

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 110 to 550 lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:


Surface usually covered with a painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:


Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:


Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:


Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:


Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.