The Official Cricket Thread

[Iain]

Don't worry Gumby, they'll all be gibbering headcases by the time this tour is over.
Just like Atherton and Hussein were.


Saddam???

[bitingmidge]

Anyway, we probably only need one more session to knock them off.


We only need five wickets Craig...why do we need a session?/

P
:cool:

[jow104]

Don't worry Gumby, they'll all be gibbering headcases by the time this tour is over.
Just like Atherton and Hussein were.

Anyway, we probably only need one more session to knock them off. Surely it's possible to get one session in over the next two days?

Hmm, maybe God is an Englishman after all. :D

Perhaps that bowler of yours could take a walk around London for a while, perhaps someone could straighten his arm or at least twist it.

[craigb]

We only need five wickets Craig...why do we need a session?/

P
:cool:

Yes, sorry Midge you're right. A session is more than long enough.

[craigb]

Perhaps that bowler of yours could take a walk around London for a while, perhaps someone could straighten his arm or at least twist it.

Who? McGrath? ;)

[bitingmidge]

Yes, sorry Midge you're right. A session is more than long enough.

Unless of course 10 overs constitutes a session?


Michael Vaughan's England have confronted, and passed, some massive challenges in the last two years, but now they know - if they ever doubted - that they face something in a completely different league.

Cheers,
P :cool:

[silentC]

Everything's about cold weather in England, isn't it? I mean, I wanted to watch the cricket but it was delayed because of the rain, so I turned over to UKTV and watched A Touch of Frost instead.

Ooh ahh Glen McGrath :D:D:D

[Gingermick]

Ooh ahh Glen McGrath
Can you picture his wife saying that?

[jow104]

Congratulations are again in order on this occasion, however I think the English team are being sent to our distinguished NHS opticians.

[Gumby]

Thanks John, thats what we love about you guys, you are terrific losers. Mind you, with the practice you've had at it, you'd have to be :D :D :D :D :D

'til the next one.............keep up the hope mate :)

[ozwinner]

Ahhhh, Gumby!!

Your a funny ( insert your fave swear word here )

Al :D

[jow104]

Thanks John, thats what we love about you guys, you are terrific losers. Mind you, with the practice you've had at it, you'd have to be :D :D :D :D :D

'til the next one.............keep up the hope mate :)


Mr. Gumby,

My grandmother who was born in the 19th century and most probably left school at 12 years of age was I always found to be rather smart.

She said "If anyone keeps winning there's something funny going on"
That was her way of saying, beware.

[ozwinner]

I think the only funny thing, besides Zed, is the English cricket mob.
I was going to call them a team , but after I stopped laughing I decided not to.

Al :D

[Gumby]

Mr. Gumby,

My grandmother who was born in the 19th century and most probably left school at 12 years of age was I always found to be rather smart.

She said "If anyone keeps winning there's something funny going on"
That was her way of saying, beware.


True and wise words indeed John. Something is going on. It has been for over 20 years and I see no sign of it getting any less funny. :D

[Gumby]

Ahhhh, Gumby!!

Your a funny ( insert your fave swear word here )

Al :D

My wife tells me what to write..........

BTW, how was the meeting yesterday at the craporium ? Any pics ?

[Daddles]

A favourite saying that, in all honesty, I must attribute to an Aussie cartooner who's name I can't remember at the moment, goes thusly ...

(if you want to picture the cartoon, picture two coppers looking at a burglar)

"He's got more excuses than the English cricket selectors"

Although coined in the sixties, this saying is still true today.

Cheers
Richard

[jow104]

For the benefit of all cricket lovers (you sweeties)I am not going to watch the 2nd Test Match on TV because:
Everytime I switched on the TV a player was out the next ball.
This so much curtails the pleasure of other cricket viewers because it makes the match so short.

[gazaly]

Piker!!!!

[Grunt]

John, the poms have a chance. McGrath is out of the side.

[himzol]

the poms have a chance

LOL. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

[jow104]

Grunt.

Why is that ?

Has he been caught chucking again?

Off in a few minutes to have the ticker checked over (routine test only).

So no more excitement today.

[Grunt]

He stepped on a ball in the warm up. He did his ankle.

[bitingmidge]

John,

Please.

PLEASE turn on your tele....

NOW!!!

P (17 overs England 68/0)
:rolleyes:

[craigb]

5 mins b4 lunch. Our 1st wicket. 1/112.

Poms won the session for mine.

[bitingmidge]

John,

It's not funny any more.

Please turn your television on.

P
:(

[Gumby]

For the benefit of all cricket lovers (you sweeties)I am not going to watch the 2nd Test Match on TV because:
Everytime I switched on the TV a player was out the next ball.


John , could you please turn the telly on again...and hurry ! :(

[Grunt]

I think he's turned it on and off 3 times in rapid succession.

197/4

[jow104]

Oh dear!

And I haven't put the TV on once today yet. :(

[bitingmidge]

292/5 not bad so far, and it looks like a first innings contest at least;

However I suspect that will be the Australian opening partnership, unless something happens to the pitch overnight.

P
:rolleyes:

[silentC]

Don't worry, this is Ponting's version of "I could beat you with one arm tied behind my back".

If the Poms don't win this one with all the help they've been given, they're never going to win one.

[Gumby]

I think John turned the telly off for way too long.

Im not that sure we will get that :( It will be a nervous couple of hours in front of the TV tonight.

[bitingmidge]

Im not that sure we will get that :(

I'm with Silent here, I'm not sure we'll get that either, (without losing one or two wickets!).

I'm madly hoping that they'll have some sort of cricket channel in Singapore, or I'll be grumpy in Helsinki!

Cheers,

P

[craigb]

They're bound to have Sky Sports in Singapore surely. That's who Foxtel are getting their covervage from I think.

[HappyHammer]

407 woohoo, I'll now remain calm awaiting the draw.:rolleyes:

HH.

[Zed]

you'd think that with a nickname like pigeon he'd have better footwork.... goose would be a better name...

[bitingmidge]

407 woohoo, I'll now remain calm awaiting the draw.:rolleyes:

That would be the draw for the short straw then, to see who gets to bowl to Gillie on the world's most docile pitch?

P (I'm thinking 520/4 at stumps day two?)
:D :D :D

[HappyHammer]

Maybe the poms should employ the Aussie tactic of bowling underarm to Gillie:D

HH.

[craigb]

Maybe the poms should employ the Aussie tactic of bowling underarm to Gillie:D

HH.

No. Midge has already explained the correct way to deal with such a delivery.

It's on the board somewhere, I can't be asred doing a search but basically it involves sticking your foot in the way of the ball so it bounces up, then you whack it for four.

BTW, I expected such a comment from a Kiwi, not a Pom. :D

[DanP]

it involves sticking your foot in the way of the ball

Then you get done LBW off an underarm ball :eek:

[bitingmidge]

Then you get done LBW off an underarm ball :eek:

Not if you step down the wicket!

Cheers,

P :D

[DanP]

Giles was out LBW about 4 feet out of the crease last night. Height won't be an issue if the ball is on the ground. It only has to be going at the stumps and it has to be LBW.

Dan.

PS Even when they're not batting against McGRATH the poms are Shyte.

[jow104]

Well Done Eng......

I never turned the TV on once yesterday but today I intend to switch on every 20 minutes. :D :) :D :D :D :D

[ptc]

Jow104
makes you feel good.
i went to school in chard.

[DanP]

Well Done Eng......

makes you feel good.

You guys forgotten Lords all ready? Wait till the innings is done before patting yourselves on the back.

If I was English I would be more than disappointed with the total of 407, considering 4 batsman got good starts. England should have been 500 plus from this innings, with two or three century makers on the sheet.

Dan

[Gumby]

Well Done Eng......

I never turned the TV on once yesterday but today I intend to switch on every 20 minutes. :D :) :D :D :D :D


If you leave it off for 20 minutes, you could miss Gilly come in and make his ton ! :D

[Zed]

for gods sake, stop encouraging yourselves!!! :D

[Grunt]

John turned the telly on. none for 1.

[Daddles]

The poms could win this - that pratt Billy Bowden is umpiring :eek:

I liked the idea of an ump who did things differently until I watched him live, then on tele in depth, and realised his ideas about the rules were different too. He's fair, I'll give him that, but he's ******* useless.


Richard

[craigb]

Listen, anybody who slags Billy Bowden, is automatically a friend of mine. :D

Greenie distributed ;)

Craig (who actually thinks BB is a competent umpire but a prat nonetheless) :D

[bitingmidge]

Giles was out LBW about 4 feet out of the crease last night. Height won't be an issue if the ball is on the ground. It only has to be going at the stumps and it has to be LBW.

Not quite so Dan!


(a) Striker attempting to play the ball: The striker shall be out LBW, if he first intercepts with any part of his person, dress or equipment a fair ball which would have hit the wicket and which has not previously touched his bat or a hand holding the bat provided that: (i) The ball pitched, in a straight line between wicket and wicket or on the off side of the striker's wicket, or was intercepted full pitch,

I suspect it would be difficult to bowl underarm in a straight line between wicket and wicket, and am not sure how you'd get an underarm ball to pitch on the off side of the strikers wicket, as it would actually be pitched on the leg side of the non-strikers wicket would it not?

One more minute and I'm out of here!

cheers,

P

[jow104]

I put the TV on again :D :D :D

[Grunt]

3/118 at lunch

Keep that TV off.

[Iain]

But they cheat and make it rain :rolleyes:

[Gumby]

3/118 at lunch

Keep that TV off.

fair dinkum, run out like that !!! Bloody idiot Martin :mad:

(not as bad as that goose hayden though. Time to get dropped and give Brad Hodge a go.

[bitingmidge]

P (I'm thinking 520/4 at stumps day two?)
:D :D :D

I'm staying firm, don't go to be blokes, it's going to big!!

Cheers,

P :D

[Ashore]

For all the cricket buffs to ponder on while australia go to a comanding lead

There are 11 ways to be given out in a test match what are they?????




Greenie for the one who gets them all or who gets the last one







Useless infomation for the day



Alfred Hitchcock did not have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.

[Gingermick]

Bowled, caught and lbw.

Thats 11

But there are more you know.












And not everyone understands binary

[Ashore]

Very good mick and your right not every one does

However for this arguement lets say thats only 3 and theres 8 more.










Useless infomation for the day

Cockroaches break wind every 15 minutes.

[craigb]

Hit wicket
Handled ball
Run out

[Grunt]

Stumped


So that's

Bowled
caught
lbw
Hit wicket
Handled ball
Run out
stumped

[Gumby]

Bowled by Warnie,
Bowled by Dizzy
Bowled by Lee (not likely)
Bowled by Kasperowickzscke
Bowled by OOh Ah Glen McGrath

thats 5 more for ya. :D

[Gumby]

Stumped


So that's

Bowled
caught
lbw
Hit wicket
Handled ball
Run out
stumped

what about caught and bowled ?

[craigb]

Retired hurt, does that count as out if you don't come back?

[Gumby]

Retired hurt, does that count as out if you don't come back?

wouldn't think so. Unless 'Hit in the Cods' is out :eek: :eek:

[Daddles]

The secret one that people miss is 'batsman arriving late at the crease'.

I heard them discussing it on Aunty a season or two ago when this question was posed. There is, apparently, some time frame in which the batsman must make his way to the crease. If I remember rightly, someone at test level has been given out this way, but only the one.

Cheers
Richard

[DanP]

It's called 'timed out'. The batsman has two minutes to get on the field after the previous dismissal.

[Ashore]

Bowled
caught
LBW
Stumped
Run Out
Hit Wicket
Handled Ball
Retired or walked
Timed Out

Come on guys only two to go, perhaps our English Friends , after all it is the home of cricket.




Useless infomation for the day

Cockroaches break wind every 15 minutes.

[DanP]

Hit the ball twice.
Returning the ball.

[Gumby]

Over the fence has always been out - for 6. :D

[jow104]

STOP GOING OFF THE SUBJECT.

ENGLAND ARE IN FRONT.

Funny things watching TV and cricket are still happening to me.
When Australia bat and I'm watching they never seem to lose a wicket so I get aggitated and turn off the telly and when I relent and turn it back on again they have lost another two or three wickets. :D

[Ashore]

Hit the ball twicehttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon14.gifhttp://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon14.gif



Returning the ball.http://www.woodworkforums.ubeaut.com.au/images/icons/icon13.gif Classed as handling


Still one to go ( this was the one that had me stummped as well)


Useless infomation for the day

Cockroaches break wind every 15 minutes.

[jow104]

How about

Bad decision from umpire :D :D :D

[Daddles]

STOP GOING OFF THE SUBJECT.

ENGLAND ARE IN FRONT.



No they're not. You English gentlemen just haven't come to terms with the strategic subtleties of Ricky Ponting.

Richard

I can come up with excuses as quickly as the English cricket commentators ... when I'm drunk

[floyd7]

Obstructing the field

[Ashore]

Greenie on the way floyd it actually obstructing or intrefeering with a fielder but close enough

Now all go and watch the aussies win again






Useless infomation for the day


Cockroaches break wind every 15 minutes.

[Grunt]

73/5

[Grunt]

76/6

[Daddles]

OMG, I thought that was the Aussie score :eek: . Imagine my relief when I turned on SBS and found it twas those infernal English gentlemen :eek:

I know, I should have had more faith, but sometimes, I mean, it doesn't happen all THAT often, but sometimes, we DO get hammered :rolleyes:

Richard

[Daddles]

For those of you who wonder, I'm old enough to remember the days when Kim Hughes led us and we were known as the 'easy beats'. Mind you, it wasn't Kim's fault but, it was a bit like supporting Ferrari through that same period (in F1).

Richard

[ozwinner]

Dont you mean Kim http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/cwm/cwm/cwm14.gif cry baby?


Al :D

[Daddles]

Dont you mean Kim http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/cwm/cwm/cwm14.gif cry baby?

Al :D

Yes, he didn't do himself any favours near the end did he. I've always felt sorry for him. He loved the Baggy Green and desperately wanted to do well as captain, but wasn't up to the situation he was given. I suspect we really needed a hard nosed bloke like ChappellI - but that wasn't going to happen was it. I too had a low opinion of Huges until recently, then I heard him commentating and talking about those years. All of a sudden, it was easy to respect someone who failed to handle the poisonned chalic he was given.

Cheers
Richard

[Grunt]

114/7

If you want to practice your bowling. Try here. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/games/bowlingflash.html

[Gumby]

a 50 partnership still going fot the last wicket :mad:

Bloody Dizzy dropped this bloke on about 12 . are they doing ??? :eek:

[craigb]

Time for Warney to finally get that test hundred I think :(

Looks like 1 all tonight.

[Gumby]

Mate, don't even think about it. I'm so ****** off with some of those blokes. :mad: I knew I should have had a lazy $50 on the poms at the $5 on offer !
Could have bought a nice new tool with the winnings.

NOT HAPPY JAN! :(

[jow104]

B. H. HAVE YOU SEEN THE SCORE. :D :D :D :D :D

YOUR LOT ARE AS BAD AS OURS.

I reckon we should have a team picked from the forums.

Back on line in around 3 hours. :D

[Zed]

Ha!!! at last the poms win, good on 'em too.

best thing about it was that shame worn got himself out.

[craigb]

Well played Warney
Well played Lee
Well Played Kasprowizcs
Well played Flintoff

The rest of you have got some explaining to do.

Yes I'm talking to you Hayden.
I'm particularly talking to you Martin. You've learnt nothing since Sydney in '94. That cost you 8 years out of the test side, remember?

Gilly, we love to see you playing your natural game, but is it too much too ask that you put up the shutters when it's ten minutes to stumps?

Katitch? Well I'm no fan of Symonds but would he have done a better job?

All you batters, get yourselves in to the room full of mirrors and have a good long geek at yourselves. :( :(

The only positive thing about this game (and why the hell would you put them in Ponting?) is it means it's game on for the rest of the series.

Disgruntled of Chatswood

[jow104]

I did my bit for England, I switched the TV on with only 5 runs needed and immediately switched off again (honest) and it did the trick. :D

[Grunt]

Hang on we lost by 2 runs. I don't think it was just the batters.

I actually think we lost because we won the toss and fielded first. We should have put the pressure on with the bat to start with.

The bowlers in the first innings were ordinary. They score more than 5 runs an over. In the main, the England batters got themselves out rather than great bowling.

Both Martin and Katich made 50s in the first test. Hayden is out of form.

Good game. Makes the rest of the series a little more interesting.

[Gumby]

Hang on we lost by 2 runs. I don't think it was just the batters.

I actually think we lost because we won the toss and fielded first. We should have put the pressure on with the bat to start with.

The bowlers in the first innings were ordinary. They score more than 5 runs an over. In the main, the England batters got themselves out rather than great bowling.

Both Martin and Katich made 50s in the first test. Hayden is out of form.

Good game. Makes the rest of the series a little more interesting.


What ???

2 bleeding runs ???

I haven't bothered to check but if we lost by 2 measly bloody runs then I'm not a hppy chap. I agree with Distguntled of Chatswood. :mad:

[kiwigeo]

Sorry to trouble you guys but which cricket game is everyone talking about???

[bitingmidge]

Thanks for the update chaps!

Cricket news is a bit scarce in Singers,

Cheers,

P

[fxst]

give ya a greenie Craigb I agree with all of your comments ...top order batsman are supposed to bat and win and not leave it to the bowlers who already did their job.

[Gingermick]

To only have lost by 2 tells me the Englands bowlers bowled poorly on he last day. No patience, and ...leaving the Anthony Mundine of cricket not-out will only encourage him.:p

[craigb]

Ha!!! at last the poms win, good on 'em too.

best thing about it was that shame worn got himself out.

If you hate cricket so much, how come you were watching. :confused: :rolleyes:

PS
I owe you a reddie :p :p :p

[silentC]

Latest news is that a slow motion replay shows Kasper wasn't out!! Right hand was not holding the bat, under the rules of cricket, shouldn't have been given out. At least he can console himself with that.

That was nail-biting stuff, wasn't it? Unbelievable....

[craigb]

I don't remember who the umpire was that gave the decision. Please don't tell me it was Bowden. :(

Yes it was a real thriller alright.

[silentC]

It may go down as one of the greatest Test matches ever played but television replays appear to show Michael Kasprowicz was given out incorrectly.

The Australian tailender was deemed out after a Steve Harmison delivery clipped his right glove and flew into wicketkeeper Geraint Jones's waiting hands - sparking a frenzy of delight among English players and fans.

But if there is any consolation for the dispirited Australian team - and millions of their supporters - it is that freeze-frame footage seems to indicate umpire Billy Bowden should not have given the dogged Kasprowicz out.

Slow motion replays appear to reveal that the No. 11's right hand was not in contact with his bat at the precise moment the ball brushed against it.

Sorry...

[TassieKiwi]

A kiwi too. Well, I never. Of course we wanted the Aussies to win. ;)